Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Exactly!
I have no idea where the last posters are getting the idea that I'm expecting DH to take over half the chores, or shove a broom and dish towel in his hands as soon as he walks through the door, when if you read my posts, I have repeatedly said he does no chores at home aside from grabbing the garbage when he leaves in the morning, nor do I ask him to do any chores. He'll barely put his own dishes in the dishwasher, most of the time he'll just leave them at the sink. I do consider it my job, and I don't expect him to do much.
Parenting, however, is a very different story. I didn't sign up to raise a child on my own, and I firmly believe that a child, especially a boy, absolutely needs that relationship and interaction with his father and a strong paternal role model in his life for healthy development. I also do need a break from the 24/7 parenting duty - I love spending time with my son, but sometimes, especially if he's had a bad day, I'd honestly rather hand him over to DH in the evening and cook or clean or shop, it's at least not as emotionally exhausting as dealing with a bossy three year old, lol. But also I would like at least an hour or two a week where I'm not doing chores, I want to be able to send them outside for a couple of hours on a weekend and just be alone in blessed silence, haha. AND not have to listen to whining and guilt-tripping for weeks afterwards. All I ask of him is to entertain DS for a bit - 99% of these times I'll get DS dressed, bag packed, potty, snacks, everything, I ask nothing else of him - just for god's sake's get out of the house and give me some time to breathe, lol!
Please don't unleash a bossy three year old on the rest of the world. I'm starting to get the impression this child is more high maintence than he needs to be. He is going to have a hard time in getting along with others, in play groups or preschool if you allow him to continue to be bossy.
Really? He whines for hours on end? And there are battles all day long? Meals, bedtime, TV time, etc.
Something is wrong if this is actually occurring. Either you are raising a little tyrant, he's spoiled rotten, he's allowed to act out by you or he's got a physical/emotional problem. NO child should be whining for hours on end and also throwing tantrums right and left. I'm beginning to understand why his dad doesn't want to deal with anything when he comes home. I'd go hide someplace too.
I'd suggest looking at WHY you've got a son who is whining for hours on end. And why there are all these battles. Caution: This will require looking at how you've chosen to parent him.
[quote=Inkpoe;28492363]You give your husband too much power. If he grumbles or start wielding that sword of guilt, handle it like any guy would. In one ear, out the other. Walk away if needed. He's got you trained real well. There's nothing "fair-minded" about giving in to your husband like that-- it's called being a pushover. You just have to realize there's nothing wrong with asserting your needs-- especially when you both have discussed on and on and on and on and on....
Just assert yourself, say your piece and do what you gotta do.
P.S. Most women I know would say "shopping" because that's supposed to be a code word for therapy.[/quote]
Great post!
I might not have even NEEDED anything at the store, but "shopping" got me out of the house and some freaking alone time!!
Really? He whines for hours on end? And there are battles all day long? Meals, bedtime, TV time, etc.
Something is wrong if this is actually occurring. Either you are raising a little tyrant, he's spoiled rotten, he's allowed to act out by you or he's got a physical/emotional problem. NO child should be whining for hours on end and also throwing tantrums right and left. I'm beginning to understand why his dad doesn't want to deal with anything when he comes home. I'd go hide someplace too.
I'd suggest looking at WHY you've got a son who is whining for hours on end. And why there are all these battles. Caution: This will require looking at how you've chosen to parent him.
Geeesh, what is it with people on here exaggerating everything to death??
No, the battles aren't all day long, every day, he doesn't tantrum or whine for hours all day every day either - but he is a stubborn kid and he can go on begging for something for a long, long time, we don't cave but he'll still go around and keep begging and he's impossible to distract. Sometimes we'll have a great day where he behaves great, other days yes, he won't want to eat or clean up toys or turn off the TV and tears follow. The kid is 3 for god's sake! Three year olds tantrum, they cry, they whine, they test boundaries, that's what they do. Everyone I've ever talked to who has experience with this agrees that it comes with the territory. I mean seriously, are people here going to tell me that they all had kids who at 3 always did exactly what's asked, never cried, whined, misbehaved, threw a tantrum, didn't want to eat something or wanted ice cream for dinner, never protested against going to bed - seriously?? I mean I know there are SOME kids who are that easy going - I was one - but really it's the exception, not the rule. Yes we do discipline and set boundaries, but at 3 it only goes so far. The phrases terrible two's and terrifying three's aren't for nothing! He's much better now than he was even 6 months ago, I was tearing my hair out then, the more he understands the easier it's becoming, but kids still test boundaries and need discipline even as they get older. I'm not sure why we're even discussing this here...
A few of you mentioned our move away from family.
Yes, we knew what we were giving up and we agonized over the decision to move precisely because of that - not only the help, but the fact that DS wouldn't have the constant presence of the grandparents, and they of course were completely devastated to have him taken away, and all of it was very hard on everyone. Unfortunately, though, choosing to stay would've been a very financially unwise decision for us, due to the extremely high cost of living in that area and much much less earning and career potential for DH, we would've been getting by but just barely so, with little savings or wiggle room, and when he got the offer with Google he wanted to jump at the chance and I understood, though I really really didn't want to leave.
We are hoping to at some point move maybe back or at least closer, but it's not really clear yet.
Geeesh, what is it with people on here exaggerating everything to death??
Maybe you are not reading what you are writing?
This was you:
"
Quote:
Originally Posted by EvilCookie
You've never had to discipline your kids, they never ever misbehaved or threw a tantrum or did something they weren't supposed to or whined for hours on end or got hurt or sick?
If you did not mean to imply that your child does this on a regular bases than you need to be more precise in your own posts. Because it CLEARLY implies that you are dealing with "whining for hours on end".
If anyone is exaggerating here it is you. You claimed in one post that your are on 24/7. Doesn't your son sleep? Play on his own for a period of time? Anything?
Because really you are only on your "own" with your child while dad is at work, by your own admission your husband spends 1/3 of his time after work, while your son is awake, with him. It is not the tragedy you are making it out to be, and while your husband may need to help out more, the exaggeration makes it very easy to discount everything you say. If you want someone (like your husband) to actually hear what you are saying stop exaggerating your situation.
Quote:
No, the battles aren't all day long, every day, he doesn't tantrum or whine for hours all day every day either - but he is a stubborn kid and he can go on begging for something for a long, long time, we don't cave but he'll still go around and keep begging and he's impossible to distract. Sometimes we'll have a great day where he behaves great, other days yes, he won't want to eat or clean up toys or turn off the TV and tears follow. The kid is 3 for god's sake! Three year olds tantrum, they cry, they whine, they test boundaries, that's what they do. Everyone I've ever talked to who has experience with this agrees that it comes with the territory. I mean seriously, are people here going to tell me that they all had kids who at 3 always did exactly what's asked, never cried, whined, misbehaved, threw a tantrum, didn't want to eat something or wanted ice cream for dinner, never protested against going to bed - seriously?? I mean I know there are SOME kids who are that easy going - I was one - but really it's the exception, not the rule. Yes we do discipline and set boundaries, but at 3 it only goes so far. The phrases terrible two's and terrifying three's aren't for nothing! He's much better now than he was even 6 months ago, I was tearing my hair out then, the more he understands the easier it's becoming, but kids still test boundaries and need discipline even as they get older. I'm not sure why we're even discussing this here...
If it comes with the territory, than why are you complaining about it so much? That is why it is being discussed. You are portraying yourself as a victim of a ridiculously ill behaved child and a husband that is uncaring but when the details are given, it is a small adjustment that maybe reasonable but cannot be seen for the forest of exaggeration.
I stayed home with two three year olds. It was not the endless trials you describe, and my kids were pretty typical.
It is completely reasonable to expect help and to ask for it, but you do not come across as reasonable due to the exaggeration. I think your husband would be much more amenable to your requests if you acknowledged the reality of your situation.
Geeesh, what is it with people on here exaggerating everything to death?? :
You are the one who said he whined for "hours on end" and said there were "battles" over everything from meals to TV time. You asked for advice. I gave it. Take it or leave it but no one is exaggerating. Unless it's you.
BTW: You also mentioned you go to the gym twice a week. That's not "me" time? I'll answer that for you. Why, yes. Yes it is. And not many young mothers are lucky enough, and have the resources, to be able to do that. I think you need to think about what you DO have. Because it's more than most young families.
Evil Cookie, you are the adult. Be consistent, if you tell your son, "no" you must stick with that answer. No matter how hard he cries, no still means no. The reason he wears you down is because he knows he can change mmommy's no into a yes. He has nothing but time, he can cry, scream, throw things, and he knows that eventually mommy gives him what he wants. As he gets older he will yell louder, nip it in the bud now.
Are you still staying with him in his room until he falls asleep?
Really? He whines for hours on end? And there are battles all day long? Meals, bedtime, TV time, etc.
Something is wrong if this is actually occurring. Either you are raising a little tyrant, he's spoiled rotten, he's allowed to act out by you or he's got a physical/emotional problem. NO child should be whining for hours on end and also throwing tantrums right and left. I'm beginning to understand why his dad doesn't want to deal with anything when he comes home. I'd go hide someplace too.
I'd suggest looking at WHY you've got a son who is whining for hours on end. And why there are all these battles. Caution: This will require looking at how you've chosen to parent him.
I have a high-maintenace kid too, but not due to negligence on our part. Your assumptions are unfair and cruel ("This will require looking at how you've chosen to parent him"). What about how the father has/has not parented? Have you studied childhood development? Caution: kids whine, tantrum, act out, particularly after big life changes such as what this family has gone through. Compassion is needed here!
Geeesh, what is it with people on here exaggerating everything to death??
No, the battles aren't all day long, every day, he doesn't tantrum or whine for hours all day every day either - but he is a stubborn kid and he can go on begging for something for a long, long time, we don't cave but he'll still go around and keep begging and he's impossible to distract. Sometimes we'll have a great day where he behaves great, other days yes, he won't want to eat or clean up toys or turn off the TV and tears follow. The kid is 3 for god's sake! Three year olds tantrum, they cry, they whine, they test boundaries, that's what they do. Everyone I've ever talked to who has experience with this agrees that it comes with the territory. I mean seriously, are people here going to tell me that they all had kids who at 3 always did exactly what's asked, never cried, whined, misbehaved, threw a tantrum, didn't want to eat something or wanted ice cream for dinner, never protested against going to bed - seriously?? I mean I know there are SOME kids who are that easy going - I was one - but really it's the exception, not the rule. Yes we do discipline and set boundaries, but at 3 it only goes so far. The phrases terrible two's and terrifying three's aren't for nothing! He's much better now than he was even 6 months ago, I was tearing my hair out then, the more he understands the easier it's becoming, but kids still test boundaries and need discipline even as they get older. I'm not sure why we're even discussing this here...
Don't waste your breath arguing with people about this. People have selective memories and forget what it's like. And the people who have easy kids think it's because of their superior parenting skills and that everyone else is doing it wrong. The "get a job" comments are just hilarious. Because, of course, the problem is that you aren't using daycare.
The end of the story is that you need to talk this out with your husband. It sounds like marriage counseling is the best idea since you don't want to confront. But you could also go alone if he won't attend because it would still give you better communication skills. Another idea is to go home, leave your son with your parents for a few days and get away together. It might be easier to have the conversation when you've had some fun together and you can then talk without being interrupted.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
