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I think we've gone about 1.5 hrs, after which it took another 40 mins or so to get him to calm down because at that point he was in completely non-sensical meltdown mode, edgy, jittery, and slept badly the whole night after. Problem with him is he doesn't easily calm back down after a meltdown, he stays super wound up, almost like an adult would I guess, and it takes forever to get him calm. And doing that before sleep, when he should be winding down and relaxing, I think is just wrong and to keep doing this would border on emotional abuse at that point...
Hmm... I see.
I do agree with the phasing out the nap, putting him to bed around 8:30 and waking up the 6:30 suggestion. If you deemed sleep training your son to near child abuse, then obviously you'll have to sleep-train yourself. With that said, if your husband won't give you a break (a chance to sleep in) on the weekends, then don't let him sleep-in on the weekends.
Of course, you're going to encounter a lot of grumbling from both son and husband... but that's the problem: habits are hard to break. Something will have to give before you can find a new method that works.
It is perfectly normal for an only child to come under the impression that he can have mommy at his call. After all it has been this way since his birth of necessity. It is important to explain to him that mommy and daddy are people too and they still love him just as much but they need their rest and help as much as he does. All children need to learn that others are important, that they can have a role in the family and take pride in it. That is why small chores from an early age, helping out when others are sick, etc are good for their development.
This is not a character flaw on the part of child or mother but is something that needs to be realized in order to implement. It is also something everyone goes through, a bit self correcting when there are other kids close in age.
This is exactly why young men today are increasingly apprehensive to commit to marriage, unless the woman can bring something "heavy" to the deal, which for today's man is usually:
- being a trophy (very attractive...works well for those with masculinity/ego issues).
- being a co-provider (for most other young men).
The truth that may or may not hurt enough is that men no longer get any deal by entering a marriage structured to be traditional in form (with a SAH wife) yet one that is NOT traditional in substance (the women no longer pumps economically into the household but mainly consumes).
He will have to PROVIDE for an entire family with an increasing appetite for consumption, at a time when the male paycheck is losing in purchase power by the day, all while being asked to "pull his share" in the evening in the domestic area - because the SAHW/M was somehow busy during the day doing "mommy and me" time, and after kids turn 5, a lot lot of just "me time".
Nobody wants to talk about this elephant in the room because it challenges the feminist brainwashing of "women should support other women no matter what".
But the decrease in marriage rates and the reports of young women in the dating/marriage market according to which "men just no longer want to commit" or that "men want the woman to be independent/have a career of their own" ...speak for themselves.
I know for sure I would NOT want to enter an arrangement where I am left with the entire responsibility of keeping alive 4-5 people, and after work I need to start a second shift because my partner did...I don't know what during the day.
This is an interesting topic but a little afield of the OP's direct question. I would hate to derail help for her by replying here. Any interest in starting a new thread?
This is exactly why young men today are increasingly apprehensive to commit to marriage, unless the woman can bring something "heavy" to the deal, which for today's man is usually:
- being a trophy (very attractive...works well for those with masculinity/ego issues).
- being a co-provider (for most other young men).
The truth that may or may not hurt enough is that men no longer get any deal by entering a marriage structured to be traditional in form (with a SAH wife) yet one that is NOT traditional in substance (the women no longer pumps economically into the household but mainly consumes).
He will have to PROVIDE for an entire family with an increasing appetite for consumption, at a time when the male paycheck is losing in purchase power by the day, all while being asked to "pull his share" in the evening in the domestic area - because the SAHW/M was somehow busy during the day doing "mommy and me" time, and after kids turn 5, a lot lot of just "me time".
Nobody wants to talk about this elephant in the room because it challenges the feminist brainwashing of "women should support other women no matter what".
But the decrease in marriage rates and the reports of young women in the dating/marriage market according to which "men just no longer want to commit" or that "men want the woman to be independent/have a career of their own" ...speak for themselves.
I know for sure I would NOT want to enter an arrangement where I am left with the entire responsibility of keeping alive 4-5 people, and after work I need to start a second shift because my partner did...I don't know what during the day.
Oh for goodness' sakes. A lot of people, men and women, enjoy working... It's not by any means always the terrifying daily stress I'm gonna lose my job any minute nightmare you make it out to be.
Some people actually get immense joy from work, not everyone has a boss, and they are happy and grateful to have someone at home, even with their full on "consuming only" lifestyle. Get your head out of the 50's, it's a different time and nobody cares what people used to do or what roles they used to fulfill.
Oh, and the decreasing marriage rates aren't just due to men not wanting to get married.
As for your husband, saying that you don't work ~ the work you do as a SAHM and Housewife far exceeds any job that I have ever done - when I went back to work after my stint as a SAHM, I felt that I was going on vacation, because it was so much less work than what was expected of me as a SAHM!)
When you went back to work, what % of family income did you start providing?
I can guarantee you that few employers, if any, offer jobs paid so well as to support a family's middle class lifestyle ALL WHILE making them feel like you're on vacation!
I am yet to hear anyone saying "I am paid really well and I feel like I am on vacation at work! Woo-hooo!!""
After SAHmoming for a while, chances are you didn't go back to a career where "working under pressure" is the NO 1 job responsibility. It was probably still your husband's doing that allowed you to feel as if you were on vacation at work. You didn't need to go back to a job where they work you to the bone.
For a decent income - they ALWAYS do!
Oh for goodness' sakes. A lot of people, men and women, enjoy working... It's not by any means always the terrifying daily stress I'm gonna lose my job any minute nightmare you make it out to be.
Some people actually get immense joy from work, not everyone has a boss, and they are happy and grateful to have someone at home, even with their full on "consuming only" lifestyle. Get your head out of the 50's, it's a different time and nobody cares what people used to do or what roles they used to fulfill.
People who feel at work as if they are in "Fairytale Land" AND provide heavily for the family - are way too few to mean anything in this discussion. For the vast majority of middle-class people in society (non-rich), work is a chore, it is effort, it is energy-draining and it is a necessity - not FUN.
You don't need to bother pushing your argument any further, because you know how ridiculous it is. You just pretend you don't know because it is terribly convenient at this point in the discussion.
People who feel at work as if they are in "Fairytale Land" AND provide heavily for the family - are way too few to mean anything in this discussion. For the vast majority of middle-class people in society (non-rich), work is a chore, it is effort, it is energy-draining and it is a necessity - not FUN.
You don't need to bother pushing your argument any further, because you know how ridiculous it is. You just pretend you don't know because it is terribly convenient at this point in the discussion.
I'm sorry you don't find enjoyment in your career and you don't know anybody that does. That explains A LOT.
This is an interesting topic but a little afield of the OP's direct question. I would hate to derail help for her by replying here. Any interest in starting a new thread?
Feel free - it would fit best in the "Great Debates" though.
Otherwise it will break its neck into one of those genius-level dead-ends like "what do you care about what other people do?/why don't you mind your OWN business?/the choices other people make don't concern you"/if her husband is OK with that arrangement, what's it to you?" LMAO.
Oh for goodness' sakes. A lot of people, men and women, enjoy working... It's not by any means always the terrifying daily stress I'm gonna lose my job any minute nightmare you make it out to be.
Some people actually get immense joy from work, not everyone has a boss, and they are happy and grateful to have someone at home, even with their full on "consuming only" lifestyle. Get your head out of the 50's, it's a different time and nobody cares what people used to do or what roles they used to fulfill.
Oh, and the decreasing marriage rates aren't just due to men not wanting to get married.
Definitely more to them not wanting to get married than to women not wanting to get married - on average.
I'm sorry you don't find enjoyment in your career and you don't know anybody that does. That explains A LOT.
Let me ask you this: does the SAHM find enjoyment in her "career"? 'Cause I thought she was.
So you're saying that if someone finds enjoyment in their work, whatever that is, they shouldn't feel tired after doing it. They are having fun all day at work, they feel as if they are "on vacation" given how much they see their occupation like a hobby... and they are so grateful someone is at home during the day to mind the house while they're having fun.
Yet...the same cannot be applied to the SAH job. That one is supposed to be "the toughest job you'll ever love", yet she needs lots of respite after hours because her work, even though it was awesome, fulll of those "mommy and me" moments...it is still much more tiring than anything anyone would do at work.
Unless you do work under "hobby" conditions (no obligations, no deadlines, no pressure, only when the spirit moves you) ...any kind of work WILL BE tiring and will require some rest throughout the day, no matter how much you love it. Especially when an entire family's livelihood depends on doing it WELL and doing it IN TIME.
Does that provide any better perspective of how desperate and ridiculous your argument is?
I do understand sometimes people hit a wall where they just hear things they don't want to hear no matter how true those things are. Then they desperately try to come up with some "grasp-at-straw" justification or even more satisfying, a personal attack ("Argh, I caught you - you don't enjoy YOUR career and this is why you say what you say!").
The fact that a person who is allowed to be THE BOSS all day long at home, all while having a million modern conveniences that spare her/him of the historical drudgery of feeding a family and keeping a an entire household together...cannot find some time to rest during the day?...
That just smells fishy. So seriously. Let it go.
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LMAO.
