SAHM families - am I really expecting too much?? (high school, generation, graduate)
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Helicopter Parenting is calling your kid's college professor and asking for a grade change. It's contacting employers about your kids work schedule. It's NOT playing with your 3 year old. I would LOVE to see someone argue that the best day care center in town just leaves all the kids to their own devices all day.
Says who that "helicoptering" starts in college? Do you have a monopoly on the definition?
Play with your 3 yo all day long? To the point of not having any time left for necessary and urgent household tasks that someone WILL NEED TO do, whether the family likes it or not?
A domestic/SAH parent should NOT be that gullible to believe in everything a sleazy daycare sells, including brainwashing you with advertisings about how they will "engage" and "enrich" your jr. all day long so you can sleep well at night knowing he will get into Harvard. So if the centers do that, the SAHmothers must do that too, Lord Forbid the kids of working mothers who placed them in "genius daycare" since 3 mos old should get ahead of those who just...stayed at home until 3!
In fact, if you look beyond the commercial bubbles and frills of "enrichment" and "learning centers", small children spending time there, just like anywhere, DO end up on their own devices for most of the day. It's called play and being a 3 yo; even if you were constantly doing something with them, face to face, like teaching them "to read" ...or singing their ear off (which by the way, can be done from the kitchen while you cook!)...a 3 yo's mind will only focus on your agenda for SO long and then the mind will start wandering Lord knows were for most of the time.
He will not be focused on your "enrichment activities" all day long.
So why would it take a SAHM the whole day to "enrich" the kid?
The "enrichment" advertised by daycare centers is for gullible parents with a strong faith in the system... including those who believe they MUST engage the child all day long or else he will be psychologically and mentally "stunted", he will be killed by boredom, or he will fail miserably in life for lack of "mommy and me" time, 8 hours a day.
So wheeew...now I am finally convinced of how crucial SAHM activities are nowadays. Not I finally see the light.
You're kidding, right? We WORSHIP our kids in this country; they rule the house as well as our lives. I've spent the past 8 years shuffling my son across the tri-state area for his sport; all of my friends do the same (dance, band, debate, athletics, etc).
Our lives have totally revolved around their schedules - that's pretty much the way it is in middle America.
That was a perfect sign of being completely out of touch with reality. There is no country on this God-given Earth that sets up adult lives in such a child-centered manner.
The "let's not let the children inconvenience our lives" attitude is the LAST thing America can be accused of. I mean the LAST - from ALL of them!
In fact, Americans lead unnaturally child-centered lives, to the point where most adults are expected to undergo a burial of any adult-centered preoccupations at the moment they "sign up" for parenthood. Heck...they are even expected to not eat real food anymore if they have kids...since the SAH parent will be busy with "blowing bubbles" all day long, not with some soup and a casserole.
No other culture on this Earth expects this insanity from adults - definitely not to this extent.
Yes it is helicopter parenting. I have three children...two are under 7 and my eldest is in his late teens. I've been there...done that and got the tee-shirt. I've stayed at home with my kids full-time and am now a full-time working mom with a husband that works part-time. My toddler is about the same age as the OPs son and and it's funny how we are bonded just fine and I manage to not spend 24/7 entertaining him. He and his older sister have learned how to play together just fine and he is even able to entertain himself for periods of time with a toy or book.
My two youngest are in bed by 8pm at night. Now are they always sleeping? No but they know that it's quiet time. I also still manage to have sex with my husband and pay attention to him too. Kids can learn...there is family time...alone time...friend time...and mommy and daddy time. Yes, playing with the kids is a good thing but all damn day to the point where you get nothing done is ridiculous. The laundry...cooking and cleaning etc are part of your job as a SAHM. It's nonsense to expect your spouse to cover for you so that you can do what should have been done during the day.
I can see the husband's point. He works all day to provide then has to come home and babysit so that the wife can do her chores because she mis-manages her time. Really? I was blowing bubbles and playing Ninja with little Timmy so there is no dinner and you have no clean clothes for the next day. Next after she finally does those chores while he is watching the child she wants to cry about not having any free time? Give me a break...they live in an apartment. I doubt it's larger than 900square feet.
I can see why he tunes out...he wants to be an adult and she is stuck in yo-gabba gabba land 24/7.
Whatever happened to common sense in child-rearing?
Voice of reason in a world gone mad...but apparently, there's only so much reasoning you can do.
At the end of the day, people need to justify to themselves the way they live...because this is how the system and its "experts" taught them to live, and this is how they're gonna live, dam* it!.
Plus...sometimes "blowing bubbles" really is just plain easier and more convenient than dealing with cook books and other household-related work requiring some actual skill.
Lol...and here comes the slippery slope of 'let's not let our children ever inconvenience us' attitude that prevails in this country.
The slippery slope is completely imagined. Not a single poster suggested that one not ever play with their children. What the heck would we have them for it not to enjoy their company and love? But if you think your child needs your attention 100% of the time they are awake, you are not operating from a position that is good for your kids which I think is everyone's goal, to do the best that they can for their kids.
You're kidding, right? We WORSHIP our kids in this country; they rule the house as well as our lives. I've spent the past 8 years shuffling my son across the tri-state area for his sport; all of my friends do the same (dance, band, debate, athletics, etc).
Our lives have totally revolved around their schedules - that's pretty much the way it is in middle America.
Mine doesn't. Why would you do it if you think it is not the right thing to do?
All children require different amounts of attention. In the case of my household, we have a three year old and a two year old. If I did not monitor them they would pull each others hair out, hit, bite, wrestle, the list goes on.... One of my children is much stronger and more agile, he could physically hurt the other without even trying to. They do not fully comprehend "sharing", to say the least and always want what the other has. This can turn into full blown wrestle mania at any given moment! We have tried separating them but they do enjoy each others company and neither wants to be alone upstairs. My son climbs out of his gated room and comes down anyway.
Two and three years old is definitely the time to start a decently thought out positive discipline routine. If the kid is placed in his room as a consequence of fighting, and just leaves his room, and you accept that, then I can GuarAnTee you that you are going to experience pain soon.
I think you and the OP might benefit from being discipline learners together. Buddy up!
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I do not "play" with them all day, but I do have to take out certain toys and clean up other toys as they are young and can not really clean up play dough for example. Each one is into something different, and they have the attention span of a flea. My house looks like a tornado by lunch time.
Why can't they clean up play dough? The kids in the home daycare I ran did. Every single mess that they made, they cleaned up. It takes 12 times as long. But guess what. That is a time when they are actively engaged in something useful.
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There is snow on the ground here and has been for over a month. We all have cabin fever and that also creates stress and tension among families sometimes. My husband does help if I ask him however his idea of helping is sitting and watching tv with the kids. Much like the OPs husband Every child is different just as every family situation is.
That last bugs me. Every child really is not THAT different. They are all still human beings and operate in manners consistent with that.
You don't go outside because there is snow? Your kids have the attention span of fleas? Consider the hour it takes to get their snow duds on an "activity". (And if you don'[t knwo the "flip" for jackets, let me know. It is invaluable at this age. I mean seriously, do you think home child care providers who have twice as many toddlers and preschoolers, often WITH a baby thrown in, deal with that degree of chaos?
Honestly, if I were in that household I would shoot myself.
When I had my "ex" around,our roles were reversed.
I worked,he stayed home.
I would never help him around the home...then again,I worked over 60 hrs a week.
That would have been unfair....its very easy to stay home. You can nap anytime you want,if the kids permit it.
Says the person who has no first hand experience with this.
Two and three years old is definitely the time to start a decently thought out positive discipline routine. If the kid is placed in his room as a consequence of fighting, and just leaves his room, and you accept that, then I can GuarAnTee you that you are going to experience pain soon.
I think you and the OP might benefit from being discipline learners together. Buddy up!
Why can't they clean up play dough? The kids in the home daycare I ran did. Every single mess that they made, they cleaned up. It takes 12 times as long. But guess what. That is a time when they are actively engaged in something useful.
That last bugs me. Every child really is not THAT different. They are all still human beings and operate in manners consistent with that.
You don't go outside because there is snow? Your kids have the attention span of fleas? Consider the hour it takes to get their snow duds on an "activity". (And if you don'[t knwo the "flip" for jackets, let me know. It is invaluable at this age. I mean seriously, do you think home child care providers who have twice as many toddlers and preschoolers, often WITH a baby thrown in, deal with that degree of chaos?
Honestly, if I were in that household I would shoot myself.
Please, we go outside plenty and we have rules and discipline here too, lol. My older children can attest to that!
The home daycare providers are not doing laundry, cooking, cleaning, paying bills, going to appointments, carpooling there older children to activities, helping with homework, ect... with their charges. Home daycare is also out of the child's home environment with other playmates added into the mix and so on. Please do not compare the two. I worked outside the home for years and my older children attended both home daycare and commercial preschools. As a parent of 5 children I can honestly say some children require more attention then others. Some eat play dough, some give it to the dog, some put it down the toilet bowl, some play quietly and clean up when asked.
Some people are just more fabulous than others at parenting
Please, we go outside plenty and we have rules and discipline here too, lol. My older children can attest to that!
For the record, I never said a WORD about rules. I don't believe in them.
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The home daycare providers are not doing laundry, cooking, cleaning, paying bills, going to appointments, carpooling there older children to activities, helping with homework, ect... with their charges.
I put italics around the ones that I was not responsible for as a home care provider. The day care has bills too, you know!
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Home daycare is also out of the child's home environment with other playmates added into the mix and so on.
Which is not an asset, I assure you.
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Please do not compare the two.
It seems a very good comparison. I always chuckle to myself when parents say my son/daughter is so this, so that, I can't get them to stop .... But when they are in care/school they are fine. Guess what Mamma and Pappa, the LCD is you.
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I worked outside the home for years and my older children attended both home daycare and commercial preschools. As a parent of 5 children I can honestly say some children require more attention then others. Some eat play dough, some give it to the dog, some put it down the toilet bowl, some play quietly and clean up when asked.
Some people are just more fabulous than others at parenting
True. Believe it or not, some of us are trying to help the OP because her situation does not seem that pleasant.
Please, we go outside plenty and we have rules and discipline here too, lol. My older children can attest to that!
The home daycare providers are not doing laundry, cooking, cleaning, paying bills, going to appointments, carpooling there older children to activities, helping with homework, ect... with their charges. Home daycare is also out of the child's home environment with other playmates added into the mix and so on. Please do not compare the two. I worked outside the home for years and my older children attended both home daycare and commercial preschools. As a parent of 5 children I can honestly say some children require more attention then others. Some eat play dough, some give it to the dog, some put it down the toilet bowl, some play quietly and clean up when asked.
Some people are just more fabulous than others at parenting
As the parent of 4...I couldn't agree more.
The trouble with threads like this, is that they start getting so pushy and judgemental. Posters start arguing with each other over the silliest things. The GOOD thing about threads like this, is that it gives the OP many different outlooks.
I had some who were more work and some whom (it felt) practically raised themselves. I had one who felt like he never got enough attention. From everyone else's perspective, he got the MOST attention, because he was always doing something that got him "negative" attention.
They were all given the same rules, but due to their vastly different personalities, they all had to be dealt with differently. Some wanted to do their own thing, regardless of consequences. Some were perfectly content avoiding negative responses by "staying between the lines".
I think we all need to remember that the OP's child is NOT our child. He might be similar to one or more of ours, or a polar opposite. Hopefully, there have been enough educational posts, to help her through this situation. How you doing EC? Glad or regretting your decision to post here? LOL
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Believe it or not, some of us are trying to help the OP because her situation does not seem that pleasant.
