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There is no misconceptions about being a SAHM, certainly not from women who have been both SAHM-s and career women. Could it be that the difficulty of being a SAHM comes from the "pressing" activities you mentioned above and that you YOURSELF created and needlessly imposed on yourself?
Why do you need to constantly find toys lost under the couch? Leave them there until it's time to pick up everything.
Why do you need to read to them for so long at that age? You make it sound like you spend hours in a lecture hall.
Why do you need to make puzzles with them? Really - that long? For this to count as one of your major activities throughout the day?
Coloring?
Playing play-dough?...
Blowing bubbles?
Waow.
Isn't "playing" something children have always done largely by themselves or with each other?
Why do you need to play with them for so long (sounds like all day long) and then complain about how hard "playing life" is at the end of the day and how "blowing bubbles" has left you with NO TIME for anything to be done in the household?
All of this is called "mommy and me" time - and it has been repeated 1000 times in this thread that this is a modern, artificial invention that has replaced the actual work that mothers used to HAVE TO do or else family would starve and live in a pig pen.
Now we're talking about the kind of work mothers "MUST DO" or else jr. won't get into the gifted program when he enters K (you know, he was not read to enough, not stimulated with puzzles enough, not "enriched" with "mommy and me" time enough and the like).
Just by reading your list of "daily chores" makes you realize how incredibly frivolous and spoiled modern societies have become.
Easy solution to the OP's problem, stop sitting with your 3 year old until he falls asleep, he doesn't need you to do that, but you have trained him to expect it. Tell him he is a big boy and after story time he can read in his bed for as long as he wants but he needs to stay in bed. He will be asleep within 30 minutes max and that is 3 hours you just freed up to spend with your husband.
I totally agree! I can't believe how "perfect" her life sounds. That's great but it's not most people's reality.
We have a 2 year old and a 3 year old and I am a SAHM. My day revolves around keeping the peace between the two of them, keeping them from creating art all over the walls, helping them eat, wash their hands, use the potty, find the toys they lost under the couch, read to them, do puzzles with them, try to get them both out the door, baths, coloring, playing play dough, running around outside, blowing bubbles, ect... They have not napped in over a year and sometimes go to bed later than my 9 year old. They wake up between 6:30 and 8am and are raring to go!
My husband works 10 hour days and also travels for work. I am the main care giver and do all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, errands and shopping/food shopping. I can totally relate to the OP. I worked outside the home up until a few years ago. I raised my older children as a working mom and honestly found it so much easier than being a SAHM of toddler/preschoolers. It is almost impossible to get anything done around the house unless they are both engrossed in a movie or a toy for longer than 10 minutes (which is rare). By the time I finally get them to sleep...which is a difficult task in itself, I may get some time with my older kids and/or husband and then an hour to myself. I don't usually go to bed until after 11pm and laundry is still not finished.
I am not complaining at all, I adore my kids and am enjoying all the time I get to be with them. However I think there is an enormous misconception about life as a SAHM, which is apparent after reading the replies to the OP.
This is a good example of helicopter parenting that grows out of control and begins to affect the marriage.
Helicopter Parenting is calling your kid's college professor and asking for a grade change. It's contacting employers about your kids work schedule. It's NOT playing with your 3 year old. I would LOVE to see someone argue that the best day care center in town just leaves all the kids to their own devices all day.
Helicopter Parenting is calling your kid's college professor and asking for a grade change. It's contacting employers about your kids work schedule. It's NOT playing with your 3 year old. I would LOVE to see someone argue that the best day care center in town just leaves all the kids to their own devices all day.
Um, no. There is quite a bit more to helicopter parenting than that. Spending all day devising ways to entertain your child is like an entry drug.
It is almost impossible to get anything done around the house unless they are both engrossed in a movie or a toy for longer than 10 minutes (which is rare).
See this? This is the result of children becoming dependent on a parent to be their primary source of entertainment. Right now, my son and daughter are playing with Duplos. This has been going on since breakfast, an hour ago. I'm not saying this to lord it over anyone - the thing is, if you encourage independent play, you will find yourself with a lot more time on your hands, and kids with incredible imaginations.
Why don't you encourage them to "help" you with chores? Laundry time is usually pretty fun for everyone - kids love helping load and unload the dryer (too short for my top loader washer, sadly, lol), dragging baskets, sorting clothes ("This is sister's! This is mine! I put my underwear away?") - it's productive for everyone. During that time, I sing songs, nursery rhymes, etc - make it an educational moment in more ways than one. After that, they tend to go about finding other things to do without me, either alone or with each other.
But then your poor children aren't learning to truly entertain themselves. They're entertaining each other. How will they ever survive in the world? How will they ever learn to be truly alone? They won't and it will be all your fault. (sarcasm alert for those who won't get that)
Yes it is helicopter parenting. I have three children...two are under 7 and my eldest is in his late teens. I've been there...done that and got the tee-shirt. I've stayed at home with my kids full-time and am now a full-time working mom with a husband that works part-time. My toddler is about the same age as the OPs son and and it's funny how we are bonded just fine and I manage to not spend 24/7 entertaining him. He and his older sister have learned how to play together just fine and he is even able to entertain himself for periods of time with a toy or book.
My two youngest are in bed by 8pm at night. Now are they always sleeping? No but they know that it's quiet time. I also still manage to have sex with my husband and pay attention to him too. Kids can learn...there is family time...alone time...friend time...and mommy and daddy time. Yes, playing with the kids is a good thing but all damn day to the point where you get nothing done is ridiculous. The laundry...cooking and cleaning etc are part of your job as a SAHM. It's nonsense to expect your spouse to cover for you so that you can do what should have been done during the day.
I can see the husband's point. He works all day to provide then has to come home and babysit so that the wife can do her chores because she mis-manages her time. Really? I was blowing bubbles and playing Ninja with little Timmy so there is no dinner and you have no clean clothes for the next day. Next after she finally does those chores while he is watching the child she wants to cry about not having any free time? Give me a break...they live in an apartment. I doubt it's larger than 900square feet.
I can see why he tunes out...he wants to be an adult and she is stuck in yo-gabba gabba land 24/7.
Whatever happened to common sense in child-rearing?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Irish Eyes
Helicopter Parenting is calling your kid's college professor and asking for a grade change. It's contacting employers about your kids work schedule. It's NOT playing with your 3 year old. I would LOVE to see someone argue that the best day care center in town just leaves all the kids to their own devices all day.
You never helped care for your children when you got home, or on the weekends? The OP is not asking for help with household tasks, she is asking the father pay attention to his own child. Most working women don't need to be asked to help care for their own children.
I misread. I thought she was asking for help for household chores.
It seems as if people want to skip and ignore what they want to skip and ignore period. Then if they are called on it, they dismiss the point without as much as an inch of rational consideration of that point.
There is no misconceptions about being a SAHM, certainly not from women who have been both SAHM-s and career women. Could it be that the difficulty of being a SAHM comes from the "pressing" activities you mentioned above and that you YOURSELF created and needlessly imposed on yourself?
Why do you need to constantly find toys lost under the couch? Leave them there until it's time to pick up everything.
Why do you need to read to them for so long at that age? You make it sound like you spend hours in a lecture hall.
Why do you need to make puzzles with them? Really - that long? For this to count as one of your major activities throughout the day?
Coloring?
Playing play-dough?...
Blowing bubbles?
Waow.
Isn't "playing" something children have always done largely by themselves or with each other?
Why do you need to play with them for so long (sounds like all day long) and then complain about how hard "playing life" is at the end of the day and how "blowing bubbles" has left you with NO TIME for anything to be done in the household?
All of this is called "mommy and me" time - and it has been repeated 1000 times in this thread that this is a modern, artificial invention that has replaced the actual work that mothers used to HAVE TO do or else family would starve and live in a pig pen.
Now we're talking about the kind of work mothers "MUST DO" or else jr. won't get into the gifted program when he enters K (you know, he was not read to enough, not stimulated with puzzles enough, not "enriched" with "mommy and me" time enough and the like).
Just by reading your list of "daily chores" makes you realize how incredibly frivolous and spoiled modern societies have become.
I would go one step further and say that this modern invention is not in the best interest of the children. The kids wind up entitled, demanding and spoiled and not capable of doing for themselves.
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