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I completely agree. I do think she's having a tougher time due to the situation she created (as you pointed out), but even if her child was more manageable/independent, her husband shouldn't expect to have no parental responsibilities when he gets home from work.
No. It is true. But from my own history, I am sympathetic. My husband got to know his son young. But he really did not find him interesting until he was older. The way to cooperation from the husband is not nagging and complaining, that much is for sure.
Personally, if I had a choice to earn the money I do by working 40 hours a week OR earn that same amount of money by staying home and being a mom 24/7 and letting my husband do absolutely nothing around the house, I would choose to stay home IN A HEARTBEAT. This in spite of the fact that I really like my job, I like my co-workers, it's very fulfilling work. Still, being a SAHM would be easier to me.
Good for you. I wouldn't. I much prefer to both earn a pay check and both help around the house and with the kids. It doesn't really matter what you would enjoy more. Certain things need to be done, whether anyone enjoys them or not.
The issue is, a lot of it is unfulfilling work, unless you think constantly cleaning up after kids is fulfilling... I do not, lol. It doesn't stimulate my brain the way my career did, and is obviously menial. Sure, playing with your kids, teaching them things, going on outings... it's fun! Usually You might feel brain dead after your 10th rendition of "If you're happy and you know it!" It's the menial stuff that can wear you down, though, not to mention stuff like potty training, endless diapers (I cloth diaper my kids, and the effort can be irritating some days), the amount of effort it takes for one adult to take multiple kids to a store - it's just work. And I never realized it as a working parent until I stayed at home.
For me, manageable routines definitely helped me to enjoy the job more.
I've done both roles and I do think it's easier to stay home. The reasn I don't do it is because we have such a perfect balance in my family. We work the same hours, make the same money and do the same amount of household chores. Every once in a while, I will say to my husband, "Am I pulling my weight around the house? Be honest!" Or he will ask me the same thing. We both do the chores that the other person hates and it works well. There is no resentment. There is no misunderstanding what the other one does all day. And probably most important: I know if he emptied the bank account and ran off with a 25 yr old blonde to Tahiti, I know that I can support my family comfortably in his absence. Like I said, there is balance and we both appreciate each other fully.
Whow, stop there! Your kids nap for 3 hours, AND then go to bed at 7:30, just 2.5 hrs after they wake up?? AND then sleep almost 12 hrs till 7? I mean I get the one year old, but the almost-3 year old?
There's just no way that my son would go to sleep that early. He needs at least 5 hrs or so from waking up from nap to bedtime, and he's taken to sleeping no more than 10 hrs at night. So if he skips his nap, he's cranky by 6 and in bed by 7:30-8 and then up at 6 am - which is absolute death for me. So usually he'll nap from about 2 to 4, and then we'll get him in bed by 9, but if he's not tired enough he often won't fall asleep till 10...
My son was similar to yours - slept 10 hours then promptly woke up. If he slept longer it was due to a growth spurt or illness. If he napped until 4pm, then bedtime/sleeping would not happen until well after 9pm. Once he dropped his nap at age 3 1/2, he went to bed earlier, 8pm (that is, sleeping soon after). While I was completely freaked out that he dropped his nap at a younger age than most of his peers, it freed up more evening time with my husband. When he was younger, I experimented with trying an earlier bedtime and you might guess what happened... he woke up considerable earlier, ready for the world in the wee hours of the morning.
I had friends who insisted on an early bedtime for their kids, however their kids would toss and turn, or complain for 1+ hours before falling to sleep. Even though we chose/choose to snuggle up with our son until he falls to sleep, he typically is out within 10 minutes, and has never had sleep issues. Circadian rhythms apply not only to adults, but also children. My best friend balked at my son's rhythms until she had her second child who is very similar to my son. Then she profusely apologized and asked for coping techniques and suggestions.
I wonder if you woke your son from his nap after one 45 minute cycle, how his mood would be and if his natural bedtime would change? Or even after 1.5 hours?
I have to chuckle as I read this. Who would need help when your children sleep 3 hours a day and both parents home all afternoon and evening?
I totally agree! I can't believe how "perfect" her life sounds. That's great but it's not most people's reality.
We have a 2 year old and a 3 year old and I am a SAHM. My day revolves around keeping the peace between the two of them, keeping them from creating art all over the walls, helping them eat, wash their hands, use the potty, find the toys they lost under the couch, read to them, do puzzles with them, try to get them both out the door, baths, coloring, playing play dough, running around outside, blowing bubbles, ect... They have not napped in over a year and sometimes go to bed later than my 9 year old. They wake up between 6:30 and 8am and are raring to go!
My husband works 10 hour days and also travels for work. I am the main care giver and do all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, errands and shopping/food shopping. I can totally relate to the OP. I worked outside the home up until a few years ago. I raised my older children as a working mom and honestly found it so much easier than being a SAHM of toddler/preschoolers. It is almost impossible to get anything done around the house unless they are both engrossed in a movie or a toy for longer than 10 minutes (which is rare). By the time I finally get them to sleep...which is a difficult task in itself, I may get some time with my older kids and/or husband and then an hour to myself. I don't usually go to bed until after 11pm and laundry is still not finished.
I am not complaining at all, I adore my kids and am enjoying all the time I get to be with them. However I think there is an enormous misconception about life as a SAHM, which is apparent after reading the replies to the OP.
My day revolves around keeping the peace between the two of them, keeping them from creating art all over the walls, helping them eat, wash their hands, use the potty, find the toys they lost under the couch, read to them, do puzzles with them, try to get them both out the door, baths, coloring, playing play dough, running around outside, blowing bubbles, ect... They have not napped in over a year and sometimes go to bed later than my 9 year old.
However I think there is an enormous misconception about life as a SAHM, which is apparent after reading the replies to the OP.
It seems as if people want to skip and ignore what they want to skip and ignore period. Then if they are called on it, they dismiss the point without as much as an inch of rational consideration of that point.
There is no misconceptions about being a SAHM, certainly not from women who have been both SAHM-s and career women. Could it be that the difficulty of being a SAHM comes from the "pressing" activities you mentioned above and that you YOURSELF created and needlessly imposed on yourself?
Why do you need to constantly find toys lost under the couch? Leave them there until it's time to pick up everything.
Why do you need to read to them for so long at that age? You make it sound like you spend hours in a lecture hall.
Why do you need to make puzzles with them? Really - that long? For this to count as one of your major activities throughout the day?
Coloring?
Playing play-dough?...
Blowing bubbles?
Waow.
Isn't "playing" something children have always done largely by themselves or with each other?
Why do you need to play with them for so long (sounds like all day long) and then complain about how hard "playing life" is at the end of the day and how "blowing bubbles" has left you with NO TIME for anything to be done in the household?
All of this is called "mommy and me" time - and it has been repeated 1000 times in this thread that this is a modern, artificial invention that has replaced the actual work that mothers used to HAVE TO do or else family would starve and live in a pig pen.
Now we're talking about the kind of work mothers "MUST DO" or else jr. won't get into the gifted program when he enters K (you know, he was not read to enough, not stimulated with puzzles enough, not "enriched" with "mommy and me" time enough and the like).
Just by reading your list of "daily chores" makes you realize how incredibly frivolous and spoiled modern societies have become.
When I had my "ex" around,our roles were reversed.
I worked,he stayed home.
I would never help him around the home...then again,I worked over 60 hrs a week.
That would have been unfair....its very easy to stay home. You can nap anytime you want,if the kids permit it.
When I had my "ex" around,our roles were reversed.
I worked,he stayed home.
I would never help him around the home...then again,I worked over 60 hrs a week.
That would have been unfair....its very easy to stay home. You can nap anytime you want,if the kids permit it.
You never helped care for your children when you got home, or on the weekends? The OP is not asking for help with household tasks, she is asking the father pay attention to his own child. Most working women don't need to be asked to help care for their own children.
It seems as if people want to skip and ignore what they want to skip and ignore period. Then if they are called on it, they dismiss the point without as much as an inch of rational consideration of that point.
There is no misconceptions about being a SAHM, certainly not from women who have been both SAHM-s and career women. Could it be that the difficulty of being a SAHM comes from the "pressing" activities you mentioned above and that you YOURSELF created and needlessly imposed on yourself?
Why do you need to constantly find toys lost under the couch? Leave them there until it's time to pick up everything.
Why do you need to read to them for so long at that age? You make it sound like you spend hours in a lecture hall.
Why do you need to make puzzles with them? Really - that long? For this to count as one of your major activities throughout the day?
Coloring?
Playing play-dough?...
Blowing bubbles?
Waow.
Isn't "playing" something children have always done largely by themselves or with each other?
Why do you need to play with them for so long (sounds like all day long) and then complain about how hard "playing life" is at the end of the day and how "blowing bubbles" has left you with NO TIME for anything to be done in the household?
All of this is called "mommy and me" time - and it has been repeated 1000 times in this thread that this is a modern, artificial invention that has replaced the actual work that mothers used to HAVE TO do or else family would starve and live in a pig pen.
Now we're talking about the kind of work mothers "MUST DO" or else jr. won't get into the gifted program when he enters K (you know, he was not read to enough, not stimulated with puzzles enough, not "enriched" with "mommy and me" time enough and the like).
Just by reading your list of "daily chores" makes you realize how incredibly frivolous and spoiled modern societies have become.
What midcenturymod wrote is what happens in most families with young kids I know. When I am off on the weekend, the day usually begins by throwing in some laundry....then getting them fed, organizing their toys, doing art projects, playing ninja with them (we have 4 yr old twins), playing baseball in the house with them (we have over 2 ft of snow in the backyard attm where we live), and when they do play together for 10 minutes without calling for me, put the clothes in the dryer, get snack ready, and after lunch have quiet time while they watch Dora or something on Netflix, then more play. They love it when mom or dad play with them, build blocks with them, etc. But I think what she wrote is not a typical of other families we know with young kids do. We are not creating issues for us as parents, but I think we as parents are acting as such and participating in our kids lives. At 4 the bond you can create while interacting with your child will last a long time as they enter the more independent years of their lives as pre-teens and teens. Now we have a soon to be 8 yr old and while he likes us to play with him (video games or puzzles) he also likes his private time for reading, etc
I remember my parents rarely playing with us because they made us play with each other. During the day when my mother was doing her chores she would say: Play with each other....that's why I had four of you.
How do children learn how to self-entertain or resolve conflict with their peers without adult intervention when they have their parents constantly entertaining and intervening on their behalf?
This is a good example of helicopter parenting that grows out of control and begins to affect the marriage.
Quote:
Originally Posted by syracusa
It seems as if people want to skip and ignore what they want to skip and ignore period. Then if they are called on it, they dismiss the point without as much as an inch of rational consideration of that point.
There is no misconceptions about being a SAHM, certainly not from women who have been both SAHM-s and career women. Could it be that the difficulty of being a SAHM comes from the "pressing" activities you mentioned above and that you YOURSELF created and needlessly imposed on yourself?
Why do you need to constantly find toys lost under the couch? Leave them there until it's time to pick up everything.
Why do you need to read to them for so long at that age? You make it sound like you spend hours in a lecture hall.
Why do you need to make puzzles with them? Really - that long? For this to count as one of your major activities throughout the day?
Coloring?
Playing play-dough?...
Blowing bubbles?
Waow.
Isn't "playing" something children have always done largely by themselves or with each other?
Why do you need to play with them for so long (sounds like all day long) and then complain about how hard "playing life" is at the end of the day and how "blowing bubbles" has left you with NO TIME for anything to be done in the household?
All of this is called "mommy and me" time - and it has been repeated 1000 times in this thread that this is a modern, artificial invention that has replaced the actual work that mothers used to HAVE TO do or else family would starve and live in a pig pen.
Now we're talking about the kind of work mothers "MUST DO" or else jr. won't get into the gifted program when he enters K (you know, he was not read to enough, not stimulated with puzzles enough, not "enriched" with "mommy and me" time enough and the like).
Just by reading your list of "daily chores" makes you realize how incredibly frivolous and spoiled modern societies have become.
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You might feel brain dead after your 10th rendition of "If you're happy and you know it!" It's the menial stuff that can wear you down, though, not to mention stuff like potty training, endless diapers (I cloth diaper my kids, and the effort can be irritating some days), the amount of effort it takes for one adult to take multiple kids to a store - it's just work. And I never realized it as a working parent until I stayed at home.
