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By 12th grade, she is not necessarily going to grow put of them in a season!
This is true. It's just the order of magnitude within our budget and lifestyle.
Ooh, wanted to add something for the OP. Do you have a T.J. Maxx? Your daughter may soon be into handbags, and they usually have some really cute ones there for much less. Liking labels is not that bad of a thing because many things are made much better than stuff you find at Target, Kohls, or the lower end department stores. So I have no problem with letting them rummage through Marshalls or T.J. Maxx or Goodwill and finding something with a label and marked way down. Shoes like Uggs, though, are almost never marked down and I wouldn't want to buy those secondhand.
Demand, huh? My kids get an allowance they can freely spend. If they want $200 boots, then they had better start saving. On top of that, we have a budget related to each child's needs. That money is spent at our discretion. There have been situations where my daughter in particular has wanted nicer clothes. I'm generally ok with it provided we have enough in her monthly budget and provided she chip in a reasonable amount from her allowance. For example, the other day she found some pants she really liked from Saks Off 5th. They were $36 for youth-sized pants. I told her I'd pay half if she paid half. She was unwilling so we skipped them. Later on, I found a $40 for $20 groupon at Off 5th and asked if she still wanted to split the pants at $10 each. She agreed and we went to get the pants. I've found that structuring her finances this way makes her less compulsive about purchases and gets her into the habit of being patient and waiting for sales. Unfortunately, this method does nothing for my son. He is still every bit as compulsive about purchases. If he has the money and sees something he wants he will spend the money.
Did she demand a way on how shecgonna com up with the money to buy this stuff especiall that phone bill every month? Lol answer of been a flat out get her a prepaid phone ans some knock off uggs at payless or something
My daughter came home today and demanded that we start buying her name brands, claiming that "EVERYONE (emphasis added) has Uggs, iphones, etc." Is this just typical middle school behavior?
You know when your car starts "acting up" you can always trade it in for a new one.
Do you know somebody who would take your daughter in as a trade in for a mature already broken in daughter without so many requirements?
_Pretty sure our son will soon be going through the same demands with our grandchild.
What a snotty and snobby thing to say. You obviously don't know kids. It's mainly the "rich" kids who are into name brands and labels because they learn early at home when they see their Dads buy only 450,00+ cars and their Moms spend $2K for a name brand purse.
I have but Uggs for my niece at a thrift store. All I had to do was sew on a replacement button and then they looked brand new. All for $5. not that they were necessary or done to fit in, but they were a great deal and I'm a huge fan of thrift shopping. In fact, all the clothes my friend's children wear (hollister, abercrombie, american eagle) are from goodwill and all of their vans come from goodwill, too. not that you should negotiate with your daughter, but maybe try your local thrift shops and see if these things are obtainable.
I remember in middle school when it was cool to have those CK - Calvin Klein tshirts. Oh, how I wanted one to fit in.... it's hard being in middle school where you're constantly judged for everything. I had my teachers give me my tests back at the end of the day because I would get made fun of for getting 100's. I wish I would have known then what I know now, that these things don't matter past high school. I also wish I would have known I could have found the things I wanted at goodwill for $3-$4.
When my son was in middle school he argued that clothes did not count as legitimate birthday and Christmas gifts. This really ticked me off because I went to great lengths to get the extras for him at those times.
So we sat down with pencil and paper and figured out all of his expenses, including clothes, haircuts, misc. Divided it by 12 and gave him this monthly amount. Guess what?? All of a sudden clothes as gifts were requested and greatly appreciated. he started buzz cutting his own hair to save his haircut money and his wardrobe became very minimal. No way was he going to buy that "in" shirt he used to want. He saved a great deal of money and by his sophomore year in high school was investing in the stock market.
We tried the same thing for his sister but it just didn't work. She hated to shop alone because she knew I had to alter all her clothes and she didn't know what could or could not be altered. She was happy to get clothes as gifts but really has never been into fashion, jewelry, cosmetics, brand names etc. We were very lucky.
We live in a very progressive area. I see kids with all sorts of fashions and nothing really seems to be de riguer. We have such a mild winter that Uggs would be useless even though my girls walk to and from school. I do let them pick out boots but not expensive ones.
When I was in high school it was Weejuns and Villager dresses and shirts. We all looked like we wore uniforms of different colors. I remember how important it was but I had a lucrative baby sitting business and I had to pay the difference for the expensive clothes.
I'm glad it doesn't seem to be this way in our town but it might be in high school. By then I'm hoping my girls will know that just isn't necessary.
One daughter wanted me to buy her slip on shoes. Ballet slipper kind of shoes I guess. I was hesitant because I don't think it is healthy to wear shoes for hours without socks. Also they tend to rub on the hell and cause blisters and discomfort.
But her 5th grade graduation was coming up and while out shopping with her Daddy he bought some for her. $30 for some flashy shoes she would only wear 1 time. I was not pleased but kept my mouth shut.
I encouraged her to wear them so we could get our money's worth. She wore them once to school and came home with blisters and in pain. Again I kept my mouth shut but finally she acknowledged she now understood why i didn't want them for her. I told her we could get some footies but she now says she doesn't want to wear anything but sneakers from now on. Expensive lesson learned.
We live in a very progressive area. I see kids with all sorts of fashions and nothing really seems to be de riguer. We have such a mild winter that Uggs would be useless even though my girls walk to and from school. I do let them pick out boots but not expensive ones.
When I was in high school it was Weejuns and Villager dresses and shirts. We all looked like we wore uniforms of different colors. I remember how important it was but I had a lucrative baby sitting business and I had to pay the difference for the expensive clothes.
I'm glad it doesn't seem to be this way in our town but it might be in high school. By then I'm hoping my girls will know that just isn't necessary.
They may or may not. But clearly YOU thought it was important at one time - and found a way to fund it yourself. I don't think it necessarily has to be actively discouraged and frowned upon - but it does need to be put in perspective.
Quote:
One daughter wanted me to buy her slip on shoes. Ballet slipper kind of shoes
I guess. I was hesitant because I don't think it is healthy to wear shoes for
hours without socks. Also they tend to rub on the hell and cause blisters and
discomfort.
But her 5th grade graduation was coming up and while out shopping with her
Daddy he bought some for her. $30 for some flashy shoes she would only wear 1
time. I was not pleased but kept my mouth shut.
I encouraged her to wear them so we could get our money's worth. She wore
them once to school and came home with blisters and in pain. Again I kept my
mouth shut but finally she acknowledged she now understood why i didn't want
them for her. I told her we could get some footies but she now says she doesn't
want to wear anything but sneakers from now on. Expensive lesson learned
It might have been expensive lesson but it was also very sweet of your husband to indulge her on a special day. Nothing wrong with that from time to time. Hope that was part of her takeaway - not simply guilt over spending $30 on a pair of shoes.
I believe that by the time a kid hits middle school you should have already set a precedent regarding things such as brand names, fads, trends and keeping up with the Jones syndrome.
So if my daughter had come home demanding something such as uggs or iphone I would have asked what happened to make her even think she wanted those when she had never chased those kinds of things before. Obviously there would have been something that brought that to the forefront.
Then we would have had a conversation about what she really meant.....most likely as mentioned here to fit in better than she perceived herself fitting in so far. A better solution would be to invite some of the girls over to the house to get to know her better and vice versa so they could all get past that 'first' impression of how they looked. Once they know each other better and feel more comfortable with each other, then what they are wearing will be less important and compromises are much easier to made.
Thankfully none of my girls ever cared about such things, even amid their much wealthier friends who always wore the latest thing and carried the expensive accessories around.
If it comes down to a lack of confidence in who she is that your girl really needs the boost of outward trimmings, then hit up the thrift stores and you can often find name brands, or find someone who has upgraded their phone and is willing to do a hand me down of the 1st iPhone.
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not that you should negotiate with your daughter, but maybe try your local thrift shops and see if these things are obtainable.
I don't think it necessarily has to be actively discouraged and frowned upon - but it does need to be put in perspective.
