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My daughter came home today and demanded that we start buying her name brands, claiming that "EVERYONE (emphasis added) has Uggs, iphones, etc." Is this just typical middle school behavior?
Yeah I think it's typical. My son "demanded" a flat-screen phone because EVERYONE had them, when his old flip phone broke 2 years ago, so I got him one. But I did not get him a smart phone at that time. He will get a smart phone for Christmas this year, now that he is in 10th grade. That's the standard for smart phones in our family.
With him it's expensive basketball shoes instead of UGGS. He claims he is the ONLY kid on his team with only one pair of shoes that he uses in practice and in games. So this year he may get another pair. He's still using last year's shoes so I guess they will become his practice pair.
When my son was in middle school he argued that clothes did not count as legitimate birthday and Christmas gifts. This really ticked me off because I went to great lengths to get the extras for him at those times.
So we sat down with pencil and paper and figured out all of his expenses, including clothes, haircuts, misc. Divided it by 12 and gave him this monthly amount. Guess what?? All of a sudden clothes as gifts were requested and greatly appreciated. he started buzz cutting his own hair to save his haircut money and his wardrobe became very minimal. No way was he going to buy that "in" shirt he used to want. He saved a great deal of money and by his sophomore year in high school was investing in the stock market.
Sounds like you have a very smart kid. Congrats.
By 12 I was running paper routes. In the early 80's, a 12 yo kid making $300 a month was very gravy. Learned real quick that labels mostly mean squat. Learned how to budget and save -- a lifelong skill.
My son loved Target's clothes (he STILL buys there and he is almost 21). I buy clothes there myself quite a bit. We have never had a problem with the quality. I suppose there ARE some lower quality items there, but the quality of our purchases has never been a problem.
I bought the polo before they switched to Mossimo Supply Co.
It's typical behavior. They feel like they are outcasts because they don't have the top brands. I say get her knock-off Uggs and get her an older model iPhone off ebay or another re-seller. Plus look at thriff stores, discount stores and factory stores because sometimes you can find them that way. However, say that this is in agreement for doing X in school, getting all B's or higher, all A's, going out for a sport, doing clubs, doing chores around the house, ect.
I survived junior high without the trendy items, and here is what i noticed...if you got those trendy items after everyone else had them, you would be branded as a wanna-be and still teased. I remain unmoved by trends...if Apple or Uggs wants to use my body as a bulletin board for advertising their wares, they should be paying ME for the privilege.
My brother was the opposite. It caused him so much pain to not be included. To this day he has a higher need for validation and he and his wife carry some debt so they can have nice things.
I carry no debt, and I don't have nor need an iPhone (if I had the $ I'd rather have a galaxy anyway). Since she started middle school, My daughter has quickly learned how to save her money to get what she wants. She waters a neighbor's plants, babysits and dog sits and saves that plus her allowance and christmas money, etc. Knowing she could afford to buy an iphone but wants to save that money for something else...to me that means we are on the right track.
As for the attitude, she has griped about being 'poor' or me being 'mean', but we have often talked about how every family has priorities and the fact that what you HAVE does not define WHO you are, nor does it add value to you as a person. My kids have certainly noticed that the kids who have everything are not necessarily the kids who are nicest or coolest or the ones you want to hang out with.
This is a good time for a quote from my momma: Some people have more money than sense.
Give her a chore to do at minimum wage and then show her what's left after deductions. Then show her the cost of whatever item. Now divide the cost by the per hour and let her see what the real cost is.
My Mom went all out each year with clothes I hated. I wish she had approached things differently. I swore if I had kids, I would have done things differently. I didn't have kids, so I pass this on to you.
Come up with a budget for each semester, and also for summer. Include everything, clothes, electronics, fun money, school supplies, school activities, camp, etc. The budget will sound incredibly large to a kid and they will agree to it. Keep a log and dole it out slowly, reviewing how each purchase impacts other items on the list.
How would this have impacted me? I would have had one really popular pair of jeans, instead of the 5 pairs of Sears plain pockets my Mom would have purchased. I would have purchased more peer approved clothes at the consignment stores. And I probably would have bowed out on some social activities that my parent preferred. A budget is a give and take. If you can't live within your budget, you get a better job.
Middle school is the best time to start teaching your kids the value of a budget.
This is why you should advocate for school uniforms. Tan pants, white or blue shirt. Suggest this at the next PTA meeting to be considered.
I have no great problem with uniforms. But it seems like a dodge to me as a solution to demanding tweens and teens. What is wrong with saying No and expecting them to deal with it?
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