Parents: what if your child had no interest in dating? (baby, insurance)
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My thoughts would depend on how old you are, and if you otherwise have a happy, fulfilling life. If you are in your 20s, I wouldn't give much thought to it; some people don't settle down until their 40s. Your feelings may change as you grow older. Deciding to have children or not, really isn't a huge deal; lots of people are happy living child-free lives. If you are older (over 30) and still having these thoughts I'd just be grateful that you have a career or life that is full, happy and you are in some way contributing to society.
I know someone who turns 34 this year and never had a boyfriend. Her parents thought it was awesome as well that she didn't date in her early 20s. But dating and relationship is something one learns, just like anything else in life.
"better things to do" is code word for "insecure". You can take my word to the bank on that one.
Better things to do could also just mean better things to do. :P
I date - but I am looking for short-term rather than long term. Or rather, if long term happens, awesome, but I am not dating with marriage in mind the way many my age are. I have the companionship of my friends and can get sexual gratification as I need/want it (though obviously my parents would not know about that!) but prioritize travel, my career, and volunteer work in ways that make it difficult to ALSO balance the needs and wants of a long-term partner.
Different strokes. One is no less fulfilling or secure than the other.
I am 44 and have several close friends, both female and male, who rarely (if ever) have dated and I am fairly certain are virgins. These are all college educated professionals who I would classify as at least average looking, if not above average.
The only reasonable conclusion is that they must not want to date. At first, I think most people who knew them jumped to the conclusion that they must be gay, but I am not sure that is necessarily the case.
I do believe there is a category of sexuality or interest level most closely aligned with being "asexual". I think they all live happy, fulfilling lives, but I do feel badly for them that they miss out on the benefits of an intimate relationship, sexual and otherwise.
I totally wouldn't care, honestly. Unless they were completely antisocial, but that's another issue. If they were happy, had friends (or were happy with solitary pursuits instead), maybe even had a pet or something... why not? Partners can complicate your life. Many people enjoy those complications, but not all do. Some people are happy as bachelors or perpetually single women. I had an uncle like that. Very fulfilled and fascinating person, but just never into relationships. Plus I know a lot of spiritual people who take something similar to a vow of chastity for personal development reasons. Also artists, etc.
On the other hand, if they seemed to have no interest in relationships because they seemed to have some sort of mental illness... again, that would be a very different situation, and I'd try to get them help.
As long as they were happy, I as a parent wouldn't care. If they were truly asexual and just didn't care about the opposite sex, that would be one thing. My only concern would be that the adult child was using the "I'm not interested" excuse as a false aloofness because they are secretly afraid of rejection or relationship failure - for example, if they've had a relationship in the past that ended badly, and they have just decided that relationships aren't for them. If that was the case, then it would seem that there were some major insecurities that needed to be addressed -- tactfully, because this IS an adult you care about, one who will make their own decisions regardless. I guess I would just hope that someday, someone came along for them that gave them a compelling reason to take another leap of faith.
C-D, a very interesting question. I know quite a few here have grown children and more have younger children. What if your child when they become an adult has no interest in dating whatsoever? What if they came to you and said they had no interest in marriage, romantic love, or having children? Would you feel something is wrong with them?
I have no interest in marriage, dating seriously, or having a family. I'm an only child and I don't really discuss my feelings on love with my mother and only talk relationships with very trusted friends. Mom is probably fine with me not having children or not marrying.
I don't know how old you are and that could make a big difference in many people's opinions. If you're 21 years old, I wouldn't be particularly upset by it at all. If you're much older than that then it would disturb me a fair amount. Like many mothers, I'd like grandchildren.
On the other hand, if you're a career person who's making a good living and has a passion for what you're doing then at least I could have the reassurance that you simply chose another position in life and can take care of yourself.
And, Dissenter, it IS an interesting question for parents to ponder.
Last edited by Bluesmama; 03-03-2015 at 11:24 PM..
My 17 year old stepson has zero interest in girls!!! Is this for real??? The other day I offered to lend him my car and pay for Six Flags for he and any girl who met his fancy. "Gee thanks Dad, but I'm not really interested in dating..." O !!! I almost passed out!
I have never met a straight (I'm pretty clear that he's straight) high school boy who had zero interest in girls. How normal is this?
I was a jock throughout childhood, high school and college and probably ran with guys who were a little more into girls than most boys are, but zero interest???
Should I be concerned? Kids like this don't turn out to be pedophiles or something, right? How prevalent is this?
My uncle is a lifelong bachelor who had a "dry spell" from his mid-30s to late-60s. He only recently began casually dating a woman he met. During those 30+ years he never sought out dating or romantic relationships at all.
My sister didn't get married until she was in her 40s and did not date much at all in her 20s and 30s. Sometimes she'd wish she was dating, other times she'd be grateful she was single.
One of my best childhood friends (now in her mid-40s) doesn't date at all and enjoys her single life tremendously.
If my kids came to me and said they wanted to remain alone the rest of their lives, I wouldn't worry about it too much. But I think it is because I have people in my life who HAVE chosen or had this lifestyle.
My 17 year old stepson has zero interest in girls!!! Is this for real??? The other day I offered to lend him my car and pay for Six Flags for he and any girl who met his fancy. "Gee thanks Dad, but I'm not really interested in dating..." O !!! I almost passed out!
I have never met a straight (I'm pretty clear that he's straight) high school boy who had zero interest in girls. How normal is this?
I was a jock throughout childhood, high school and college and probably ran with guys who were a little more into girls than most boys are, but zero interest???
Should I be concerned? Kids like this don't turn out to be pedophiles or something, right? How prevalent is this?
Sorry but that's an odd offer. He's 17. Back off. He is not "you.2".
Where you you get the idea that "kids like this" turn out to be pedophiles? Kids like what exactly?
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O !!! I almost passed out!
