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My family thinks something is wrong with me since I don't have anyone. They think either I'm a lesbian or I'm just odd for not dating. If I had a child I wouldn't care if they weren't interested, I would probably be relieved. It wouldn't really bother me. I certainly wouldn't think they are missing out on anything, and I wouldn't think it's sad to not have an interest in it. As I really don't think it's something to be sad over.
People make their own happiness and different things make people happy, and people have different priorities.
My family thinks something is wrong with me since I don't have anyone. They think either I'm a lesbian or I'm just odd for not dating. If I had a child I wouldn't care if they weren't interested, I would probably be relieved. It wouldn't really bother me. I certainly wouldn't think they are missing out on anything, and I wouldn't think it's sad to not have an interest in it. As I really don't think it's something to be sad over.
People make their own happiness and different things make people happy.
No offense - and I truly mean that - but until you are a parent - you have no idea how you would feel. Being a parent is something that changes how you feel about practically everything. It's a wonderful, scary, anxiety ridden, joy filled thing that you just can't understand until you experience it.
No offense - and I truly mean that - but until you are a parent - you have no idea how you would feel. Being a parent is something that changes how you feel about practically everything. It's a wonderful, scary, anxiety ridden, joy filled thing that you just can't understand until you experience.
Okie doke dew.
But when or if that happens I'm going to stand by what I said. I think the way I do because I don't understand nor do I like the way my family and a lot of people around me think it's so strange to not be dating or wanting to be with someone. I wouldn't want my kids to feel like that is all I'm really saying.
But when or if that happens I'm going to stand by what I said. I think the way I do because I don't understand nor do I like the way my family and a lot of people around me think it's so strange to not be dating or wanting to be with someone. I wouldn't want my kids to feel like that is all I'm really saying.
You might support them and love them - I'm not disagreeing with that. I'm disagreeing that you know how you will FEEL inside. I will love my children no matter what and I hope to always place their happiness above my own. My parents raised me in a way that I know that if I make the best choices for me - and it makes me happy - then it will make them happy. However, shunning love isn't something that makes someone happy. I'm sorry if you disagree - but that's the way I see it. And there is a difference between not finding the right person and therefore not dating or entering into a relationship - and deciding that love is something to be avoided. I would hope that I'm raising my children in a loving environment and that they will also want to have a loving environment when they grow up. That doesn't need to mean marriage and children - but I hope it will include love.
My family thinks something is wrong with me since I don't have anyone. They think either I'm a lesbian or I'm just odd for not dating. If I had a child I wouldn't care if they weren't interested, I would probably be relieved. It wouldn't really bother me. I certainly wouldn't think they are missing out on anything, and I wouldn't think it's sad to not have an interest in it. As I really don't think it's something to be sad over.
People make their own happiness and different things make people happy.
Yeah but you're doing your own thing and that's not fair of them.
Like Chowhound's parents, my mom never pressured me to have kids and get married. Her perspective was also severely colored by my father's selfish behavior. She instilled in me that it's better to be self sufficient, which of course is good, but she also didn't really show me how to have healthy relationships, because she refused to date after my father left and never took the steps necessary to heal from their failed marriage. She still blamed him 100 percent, and although he is to blame for the majority of what happened between them, she does have some responsibility in it. She, as well as my brother and me, could have benefited from therapy.
My father, on the other hand, always pressured me to have a boyfriend. He made it seem as though I was worthless unless I had a man, and I dated more than my share of jerks because of it. It took a couple years of therapy in early adulthood before I could shake those beliefs and stop tying my self worth to my relationship status.
as for the OP, it seems like your mother trusts you to make your own decision in life, but I agree with what other people have said. You need to make sure that you are deciding to eschew relationships for the right reasons, whatever they are, not because you are angry and afraid of getting hurt.
I'm not personally a parent, so I don't know how I would feel, but it seems to me if you are asking this question, you may feel the tiniest bit like you are letting your parents down?
You might support them and love them - I'm not disagreeing with that. I'm disagreeing that you know how you will FEEL inside. I will love my children no matter what and I hope to always place their happiness above my own. My parents raised me in a way that I know that if I make the best choices for me - and it makes me happy - then it will make them happy. However, shunning love isn't something that makes someone happy. I'm sorry if you disagree - but that's the way I see it. And there is a difference between not finding the right person and therefore not dating or entering into a relationship - and deciding that love is something to be avoided. I would hope that I'm raising my children in a loving environment and that they will also want to have a loving environment when they grow up. That doesn't need to mean marriage and children - but I hope it will include love.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CarbonCountyLiving
Yeah but you're doing your own thing and that's not fair of them.
Like Chowhound's parents, my mom never pressured me to have kids and get married. Her perspective was also severely colored by my father's selfish behavior. She instilled in me that it's better to be self sufficient, which of course is good, but she also didn't really show me how to have healthy relationships, because she refused to date after my father left and never took the steps necessary to heal from their failed marriage. She still blamed him 100 percent, and although he is to blame for the majority of what happened between them, she does have some responsibility in it. She, as well as my brother and me, could have benefited from therapy.
My father, on the other hand, always pressured me to have a boyfriend. He made it seem as though I was worthless unless I had a man, and I dated more than my share of jerks because of it. It took a couple years of therapy in early adulthood before I could shake those beliefs and stop tying my self worth to my relationship status.
as for the OP, it seems like your mother trusts you to make your own decision in life, but I agree with what other people have said. You need to make sure that you are deciding to eschew relationships for the right reasons, whatever they are, not because you are angry and afraid of getting hurt.
I'm not personally a parent, so I don't know how I would feel, but it seems to me if you are asking this question, you may feel the tiniest bit like you are letting your parents down?
I agree, that is how I feel NOW, it probably would change if I had kids.
I would love and support them regardless, and I would encourage them to make their OWN decision, and not to feel like they have to follow the crowd or trend.
As for you CC, I'm really sorry that happened to you. I hope that you know the truth now and you are doing well.
I agree, that is how I feel NOW, it probably would change if I had kids.
I would love and support them regardless, and I would in courage them to make their OWN decision, and not to feel like they have to follow the crowd or trend.
As for you CC, I'm really sorry that happened to you. I hope that you know the truth now and you are doing well.
Thanks. I am. I just wanted to demonstate to the OP how parents might think they did something wrong, although I got a little whiny by doing so.
I think, one of the greatest gifts a parent can recieve is grand kids. Although, I have yet to experience fatherhood, I hope someday I can recieve such a wonderful gift. That said, I would just be proud and elated that my kid/s (if I were to have any) live a happy fulfilling life, with or without a relationship.
I would wonder why my child says he doesn't want marriage or dating, yet his actions show him spending a lot of time in an online relationships forum.
You've previously indicated that you're an angry person and you also fear rejection. When are you going to address those issues and develop a healthier mindset? Choices should be out of confidence and certainty in yourself, not fear.
When you stand back and look at the larger picture, this is the post that makes the most sense. It cuts down to the issue.
I wouldn't necessarily agree that someone not wanting to be involved necessarily dictates an emotional immaturity or any other issue, but with the OP's posting history Liberty really nailed the issue down.
Again, I have no issue with someone who wants to remain unattached... to each their own... it's the underlying reasons that should be addressed. I hope that the OP does a little soul searching and can answer the question honestly.
C-D, a very interesting question. I know quite a few here have grown children and more have younger children. What if your child when they become an adult has no interest in dating whatsoever? What if they came to you and said they had no interest in marriage, romantic love, or having children? Would you feel something is wrong with them?
I have no interest in marriage, dating seriously, or having a family. I'm an only child and I don't really discuss my feelings on love with my mother and only talk relationships with very trusted friends. Mom is probably fine with me not having children or not marrying.
I'm not a parent yet but like Dewdroplet, I believe that every parent wants what they believe is best for their offspring. When you are in a loving and fulfilling relationship, it follows that you would want those that you love to be just as happy (if not happier) as you are. Mothers tend to have this very selfless approach when it comes to love.
I will say something and I hope you won't take offense to it: I believe that your "lack of interest" in marriage and love stems from the need to shield yourself from the pain of multiple rejections, self-doubt and lack of contentment with your life. I've met a few people, who like you, got out of the game because it was much easier than to risk it all for love. Now in their retirement, they regret taking the easy way out.
As a medical student, I spent a lot of time listening to Seniors reminisce. A common theme that comes up frequently is loneliness and lack of companionship. Another theme is regret which is often tied to missed opportunities (no children or grandchildren, worked too hard and didn't spend enough time with loved ones, failed to mend relationships, didn't travel enough or have enough adventures, etc).
Love is not easy. Relationships are hard work but they can be extremely fulfilling when done right.
I do believe that your Mom is not entirely okay with you being alone and not marrying. In truth, very few mothers are.
Regardless, it is your life. You still have the opportunity to salvage the situation.
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