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And some people dress up in animal costumes and have sex with each other (furries...). That's the kind of perverse stuff I am trying to head off. I don't think this is normal. I have several good friends all my age who have similar aged kids, they all think it's weird too. That and some other mannerisms anyway.
I just want him to not be a social outcast.
Bit of a leap, don't you think?
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Originally Posted by PoppySead
Boys who never grow out of Legos become engineers.
Yes!
Try to get him involved in some kind of engineering or architecture class. Do you have a Lego store nearby? The teens who work there seem really into it, so I don't think that's really an issue with your son.
My 10 and 12 year old boys still have stuffed animals. I guess I've considered that it might not really be the norm, but I'm not worried about it either. I am a woman, but I remember those weird years around ages 12-13 where some kids are acting like mini adults, and others still like kids. Maybe he's just a late bloomer.
Contrary to some of the other opinions, I agree that there is a problem here. I started dumping things like that soon after starting grade-school. A stuffed animal at ten? I would have been a laughing-stock, as would any of my friends.
Good to see the kids are the priority!
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Used to be, one started taking on adult responsibilities and behavior by age twelve or so. I think a lot of the problems facing the country today are a result of 'permissiveness' and children not being taught to take responsibility and act like adults.
Take responsibility for what, exactly? How they like to PLAY? I am 47 years old, and I still don't let other people tell me how to play.
When his fecking Christmas list is full of stuff that you deliberately WON'T buy, you're sending a VERY clear message.
He is not acceptable to you the way he is. That is a FAR more harmful message for a kid than any time playing with toys.
He is *not* acceptable the way he is. It's long past time for him to start growing up. In three years he'll be old enough to put on a uniform and take up an M-16 for Uncle Sam's next war. He needs to be prepared. Coddling him is far more harmful.
My biggest fear is that his behavior continues and he is a completely maladjusted social outcast who cannot function in society. He already has it pretty bad in school from a social perspective.
I was kind of shy and bullied in school, I know what he's going through. I did not play with toys as late as he has, but some of the other things he's going through, I did too.
I just want better for him, is it that bad?
If it was my dad, he would have told me to grow up and be a man, sack up. Grow some balls, stuff like that. Shame him into shedding this obsession and be more like kids are supposed to be at his age. I'm not going to do that. But he's going to get it from his peers soon enough. I couldn't imagine what would happen if he had friends over and they saw his room.
Maybe the divorce affects him more than he leads on, I dunno. He never speaks about it, he sees his mom enough and has a good relationship with her. I don't expect him to be able to understand why or how it did not work out with us.
I just have a hard time believing that what is best for him is staying at home and playing with legos and action figures rather than out socializing with his peers in the neighborhood, riding his bike, getting into "kid trouble" with his buddies, like we all did when we were that age.
The thing is, he isn't you. Maybe he's going to be a fantasy writer or something more creative. Creative minds need an awful lot of down time. I believe that many kids (but not all) know what they want to do with their lives from the time they are very young. It just gets drowned out with all the adults telling them they have to do something different.
I understand being afraid of him being teased, especially if you were teased when you were young. But we can't protect our kids from everything. We CAN teach them how to have empathy for kids who have been hurt enough that they are willing to lash out at others. We can teach them that teasing isn't a representation of who they are or whether they are a valuable human being, it is a representation of how broken the other person is.Understanding that, combined with a family who values them and stands by them in all circumstances gives them strength and the ability to rise above the circumstances surrounding them.
I actually think it is a good thing your son marches to the beat of his own drummer. If he is less susceptible to peer pressure it will be easier for him to navigate high school. I know when I was younger I always worried about what other people would think. I did a lot of things I shouldn't have because I didn't know how to be myself.
If your son does not feel he can get your approval or love, he will look for that approval elsewhere. It sounds like you have a sweet kid. Enjoy him now before you get old and he finds you too embarrassing to be around. It all comes full circle! The cat is in the cradle...
He is *not* acceptable the way he is. It's long past time for him to start growing up. In three years he'll be old enough to put on a uniform and take up an M-16 for Uncle Sam's next war. He needs to be prepared. Coddling him is far more harmful.
Horrible attitude. People are unique. Not everyone wants or needs to take up an M-16. I'd prefer my boys playing with Legos to guns no matter their age.
I have tried to separate him from the toys in the last couple of years, but he wont. He has boxes of old toys he only occasionally plays with, and TONS of legos.
"A dragon lives forever but not so little boys
Painted wings and giant rings make way for other toys"
I am a woman, but I remember those weird years around ages 12-13 where some kids are acting like mini adults, and others still like kids. Maybe he's just a late bloomer.
Yes, agreed. It is a weird age. Boys mature more slowly than girls, for one thing. And all kids mature at a different pace. He could very well grow out of it in a matter of months.
He is *not* acceptable the way he is. It's long past time for him to start growing up. In three years he'll be old enough to put on a uniform and take up an M-16 for Uncle Sam's next war. He needs to be prepared. Coddling him is far more harmful.
Children can't be coddled enough. When they grow up, they're no longer the same person. The child is gone forever. Do you want your children to wish you would hurry and grow old and die? That's the same wish as to wish a child would hurry and grow up. Don't rush them!
Yes, agreed. It is a weird age. Boys mature more slowly than girls, for one thing. And all kids mature at a different pace. He could very well grow out of it in a matter of months.
Weird. I said that but it quoted Penny.
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