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Then there is the fact that you say he 'plays' with toys, which can mean different things to different people. Sleeping with a favorite childhood stuffed toy is a whole different kind of thing than having a teaparty or something with stuffed animals. Building and designing with blocks and legos isn't unusual either. I mean it's not like he's into pretending he's a superhero or still has imaginary friends or that kind of thing?
See, I took it to mean that he's actually playing with the toys in a pretend way, like a young child would, the op mentioned marching lego men around etc. This to me is very different from what many posters here are comparing it to, which is keeping a stuffed toy around as a memento or building complex lego sets.
I would say again, that actual play at a level that is years below his age is, while not a 'problem' per se, may be the symptom of a bigger issue. Like, say, emotional stunting due to trauma.
Yes people are different, but there absolutely IS such a thing as emotional immaturity, and that can cause issues when it comes to social relationships, can cause bullying and isolation etc. I personally knew a woman like that, not quite the same but similar - she was in her 40s but had adopted this ridiculous little-girl persona. She wore pigtails and talked in an exaggerated baby voices and had everything pink, fluffy etc like a tween girl. I don't know if that was something she did on purpose because she thought it was cute or it was some sort of defense mechanism, peter pan syndrome, my guess is on the latter. She was strange and regarded as such by others, not respected, though seemed to have no problem with men.
That sort of thing is a problem and is very different than simply having nerdy or childish interests.
Last edited by EvilCookie; 11-13-2015 at 11:45 AM..
See, I took it to mean that he's actually playing with the toys in a pretend way, like a young child would, the op mentioned marching lego men around etc. This to me is very different from what many posters here are comparing it to, which is keeping a stuffed toy around as a memento or building complex lego sets.
I would say again, that actual play at a level that is years below his age is, while not a 'problem' per se, may be the symptom of a bigger issue. Like, say, emotional stunting due to trauma.
Yes people are different, but there absolutely IS such a thing as emotional immaturity, and that can cause issues when it comes to social relationships, can cause bullying and isolation etc. I personally knew a woman like that, not quite the same but similar - she was in her 40s but had adopted this ridiculous little-girl persona. She wore pigtails and talked in an exaggerated baby voices and had everything pink, fluffy etc like a tween girl. I don't know if that was something she did on purpose because she thought it was cute or it was some sort of defense mechanism, peter pan syndrome, my guess is on the latter. She was strange and regarded as such by others, not respected, though seemed to have no problem with men.
That sort of thing is a problem and is very different than simply having nerdy or childish interests.
My understanding is that the boy is sleeping and cuddling with stuffed animals, like a much younger child does.
The OP is the mother. The child is a boy. I am wondering if the boy needs more time with a father figure.
There is a natural progression from childhood to adulthood. None of us is an expert, but what the OP describes does sound abnormal and years behind where a 14 year old male should be. I think that's a problem. Not mental disturbance, necessarily. But a problem. It's more than being an introvert.
1. I would look into arranging for him to spend time with adult males. He can't learn how to be a man by hanging around adult females.
2. I would also look into the possibility that he's being bullied. That could explain hugging onto stuffed animals as security at night, as well as the non-sociable aspects to his personality.
3. Third, I would enroll him in some physical activity classes, like karate, to build esteem, help work off energy and anxiety, place him in a situation with others his own age where they have something in common, and to learn self-defense, in case he's being bullied.
4. I would also consider whether he's gay, and he's feeling strange about it and alone and apart from others. I don't mean offense by that. I think it's a very real concern that teen gays struggle with recognizing that they might be different and what will others think. That could explain retreating into himself and trying to stay as he was when he was 8.
5. Is it time for him to go live with his father? Some older male kids live with their fathers.
As for the divorce, maybe that's part of the reason. But most marriages end in divorce, now, which means that most kids go through a divorce. The boy would, in fact, have more in common with other kids, coming from a divorced family, than if they weren't divorced. But perhaps he's feeling as if the father doesn't want him, esp since the boy is male and would feel the loss of the father more keenly, MAYBE, than a girl.
By the age of 15, many guys have girlfriends, if not before. It sounds like he's years behind that progression into adulthood. The OP does have cause for concern, IMO. He's not just building things with legos, or dressing up as a Star Trek character for Halloween, both of which would be normal if done on occasion. He could be going to war in just three years. He is almost grown.
I wouldn't force the toy and other issues, exactly. I'd try to encourage other behaviors. I would not take him to a therapist at this time, since that would freak him out.
My understanding is that the boy is sleeping and cuddling with stuffed animals, like a much younger child does.
The OP is the mother. The child is a boy. I am wondering if the boy needs more time with a father figure.
There is a natural progression from childhood to adulthood. None of us is an expert, but what the OP describes does sound abnormal and years behind where a 14 year old male should be. I think that's a problem. Not mental disturbance, necessarily. But a problem. It's more than being an introvert.
1. I would look into arranging for him to spend time with adult males. He can't learn how to be a man by hanging around adult females.
2. I would also look into the possibility that he's being bullied. That could explain hugging onto stuffed animals as security at night, as well as the non-sociable aspects to his personality.
3. Third, I would enroll him in some physical activity classes, like karate, to build esteem, help work off energy and anxiety, place him in a situation with others his own age where they have something in common, and to learn self-defense, in case he's being bullied.
4. I would also consider whether he's gay, and he's feeling strange about it and alone and apart from others. I don't mean offense by that. I think it's a very real concern that teen gays struggle with recognizing that they might be different and what will others think. That could explain retreating into himself and trying to stay as he was when he was 8.
5. Is it time for him to go live with his father? Some older male kids live with their fathers.
As for the divorce, maybe that's part of the reason. But most marriages end in divorce, now, which means that most kids go through a divorce. The boy would, in fact, have more in common with other kids, coming from a divorced family, than if they weren't divorced. But perhaps he's feeling as if the father doesn't want him, esp since the boy is male and would feel the loss of the father more keenly, MAYBE, than a girl.
By the age of 15, many guys have girlfriends, if not before. It sounds like he's years behind that progression into adulthood. The OP does have cause for concern, IMO. He's not just building things with legos, or dressing up as a Star Trek character for Halloween, both of which would be normal if done on occasion. He could be going to war in just three years. He is almost grown.
I wouldn't force the toy and other issues, exactly. I'd try to encourage other behaviors. I would not take him to a therapist at this time, since that would freak him out.
Read the OP again. The poster is the father, not the mother,
My husband's parents decided that he was "too old" for playacting with Star Wars figures at the age of 12. He's 42 now and STILL resents them for it.
My 13 year old daughter still plays with Barbies when no one is looking. She and my 15 year old son, when they are grounded, still get into the Legos and not only build with them (42 year old husband still does that too), but they play out adventures with the little people too.
It's okay with me that they aren't like their sexually active peers; I see the posts by the parents of others... I'm really glad that my kids have Barbies and Legos in their rooms vs used condoms and flasks of Everclear.
Adulthood will happen. And how in the world is playing a virtual adventure game (video game) any better than one that has actual play figures?
My husband's parents decided that he was "too old" for playacting with Star Wars figures at the age of 12. He's 42 now and STILL resents them for it.
My 13 year old daughter still plays with Barbies when no one is looking. She and my 15 year old son, when they are grounded, still get into the Legos and not only build with them (42 year old husband still does that too), but they play out adventures with the little people too.
It's okay with me that they aren't like their sexually active peers; I see the posts by the parents of others... I'm really glad that my kids have Barbies and Legos in their rooms vs used condoms and flasks of Everclear.
Adulthood will happen. And how in the world is playing a virtual adventure game (video game) any better than one that has actual play figures?
And I still don't think this is quite the same as what op is describing.
The toys, together with social anxiety, together with lack of peer group and emotional immaturity, to me signal something is off. Each one of these things on their own COULD be okay, but it may not be.
To me, it's different for kids to fool around with old toys on occasion, together, versus isolating and retreating into pretend play on your own at almost 15.
Because where do you draw the line? Would you still think it's okay if your 13 year old still played the same way she did when she was 3? Is it normal if she still plays pretend with barbies at 30 (not just collects or something)? Maybe 14 isn't quite the cut off age for 'normalcy' but imo it's getting there.
Personally I think what the kid really needs is friends. Preferably ones who share the same interests but at the same time they likely wouldn't be playing with stuffies. So at their lead, perhaps he would transition to slightly more grown up pastimes that are still in his realm of interest - comic books, video games, whatever it is. And if he found peer acceptance, perhaps he would no longer feel the need to seek comfort and security in childhood toys.
It sounds like you are actively trying to make your son a social outcast, by spreading your disdain for his actions with all of your friends.
Are you by any chance of Asian or Middle Eastern descent?
Hey, I'm Asian
Asians own stuffed animals all their lives with no issues. lol
Asian males also wear plenty of pink, carry bags, and watch anime or cartoons into adulthood.
We only care about our kids getting a good education, we certainly don't encourage dating that early. I think I was well into my twenties before my parents thought about me dating.
See, I took it to mean that he's actually playing with the toys in a pretend way, like a young child would, the op mentioned marching lego men around etc. This to me is very different from what many posters here are comparing it to, which is keeping a stuffed toy around as a memento or building complex lego sets.
I would say again, that actual play at a level that is years below his age is, while not a 'problem' per se, may be the symptom of a bigger issue. Like, say, emotional stunting due to trauma.
Yes people are different, but there absolutely IS such a thing as emotional immaturity, and that can cause issues when it comes to social relationships, can cause bullying and isolation etc. I personally knew a woman like that, not quite the same but similar - she was in her 40s but had adopted this ridiculous little-girl persona. She wore pigtails and talked in an exaggerated baby voices and had everything pink, fluffy etc like a tween girl. I don't know if that was something she did on purpose because she thought it was cute or it was some sort of defense mechanism, peter pan syndrome, my guess is on the latter. She was strange and regarded as such by others, not respected, though seemed to have no problem with men.
That sort of thing is a problem and is very different than simply having nerdy or childish interests.
Yes, I thought I made it perfectly cleat, but I will say it again. Yes, he's playing with the toys. Like little soldiers and figures, pretend playing with them. Not just collecting them. Actively playing with them, like a young child half his age.
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