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And again I'll say you're comparing apples to oranges. You building the lego set with your daughter is very different from a teenage boy making stuffed animals talk to each other, alone.
I stand by my opinion that the boy is uncomfortable with something in is life, be it divorce or social anxiety etc, and is using they toys as a defense mechanism and escape from life and growing up.
Even professional therapists refrain from diagnosing children with a supposed mental disorder based on a post on the internet. Maybe since you have zero professional training you should maybe not scare a concerned parent even further. If you are that freaked out by a child playing with toys (which many geeks do, I certainly have quite the collection of stuffed microbes) than suggest he take the child to a professional and leave it at that. Playing armchair doctor is unkind at best.
And I get that. I had motorcycles, jeeps, etc. But I also didn't sleep with stuffed animals at 14.
I realize there outliers when it comes to maturity, maybe my expectations are just off. I'm honestly also kind of surprised by the responses here, a very disproportionately high percentage of people see nothing wrong with this.
Just because it isn't your opinion doesn't make it disproportional at all. In fact it is more likely that this is the most common opinion.
That being said, if you are really that concerned about him, why are you asking an internet forum (and then disregarding their opinions anyway) rather than talking to a professional about it? Maybe we are all wrong and you are right, maybe we are right and you are wrong, maybe its somewhere in the middle but given the divorce there is nothing wrong with taking him to see a professional just to make sure he is ok.
I think a child of any age should get what they want for Christmas as long as it can be afforded and cannot cause damage to another person.
Hopefully the father backs off since it has to be hard enough on the child the way it is and the father showing disapproval of the son will only make the son more insecure.
Good grief, of all the things to be concerned about.
So I asked the experts. I asked my 14 year old son and his friend. They absolutely still play with their lego figs. They absolutely still sleep with stuffed animals. And they have a hard time with the idea of asking a girl to dance.
So the divorce was "amicable." "Amicable" [there's a euphemism; the average 12th grader doesn't know what that word means; you learn it from a lawyer], so "amicable," exactly between who? Is the kid included in that "amicable" deal? I bet not.
He's a product of a broken home. You can use "amicable" "lilac-scented" - any term you want, but that kid is traumatized. And guess what: it's done, it's happened, and there is nothing you can do about it. This boy has had his world grabbed out from under him. He'll never totally get over it. You realize that - don't you?
The teddy bear thing at 14 isn't good. The other toys, no bigee. But the teddy bear at 14. Sorry bub, I just can't blow that off as nothing. That's not normal.
You need to be aware that you're about 90% out of the picture as far as he's concerned. Just a house mother, nothing more. Frankly, no matter what you do. So the important thing is to ignore the teddy bear thing, and be prepared for whatever is to come. Your best bet is that he meets good friend(s) or teachers or similar types who will guide him in coming years. He was on his own at the age of eight. Think of it that way.
You've (and the wife) have become immaterial to him, whether you like it or not. Teddy is playing some role these days - hopefully, temporary. Depending on whether or not he will willingly accept you or his mother as an authority figure is unknown at this point - so you're lucky he's still acting like a 10 year old. Things could get sticky when he feels 15. Just warning ya.
Eight years old. Hmmm. 18 - 10 = 8. Ten stinkin' years. Couldn't wait. I wonder whose panties were so steaming hot that 10 years was just too long to wait.
When a kid is involved, I don't take this divorce thing lightly, like it's some game of musical chairs - or let's turn in the Saab for a Lexus. And when I see the word "amicable" red flags go up; I immediately sense even less than usual integrity on the the part of the adults involved. What in heavens name is worth deliberately ruining a kid's life?
Last edited by TwinbrookNine; 11-14-2015 at 03:53 PM..
Not trying to be a downer, but seems like although you claim:
"He was not really traumatized by the divorce".
Perhaps he WAS traumatized more than you understand.
He seems to still latch on to those things he loved when he was 8.
I wouldn't let the disconnect between you and your ex over the matter ever get too out of hand. It isn't a big enough deal to make it into one.
I do agree with your stance on not adding more, and steering him towards more challenging things like games. I would never try to separate him from those toys he clings to, however. He will get rid of them when he's ready.
Im not reading any more of the responses from the op until he can tell us how he knows his child isnt still upset.my 2 from my first marriage live with us. I have experience. His kid is upset and daddy wont recognize it.
It's normal. Some kids hang on to toys longer than others. One of my daughters loved dolls and playmobil until she was 14. She's moved past it now at 16. I agree that all kids mature at different rates.
My son is 11 and loves stuffed animals. So does his best friend who is also 11. Not abnormal at all.
Since your son enjoys making up and acting out scenarios with his Lego guys and stuffed animals, see if he would enjoy dramatics classes, puppetry, creative writing, storytelling, etc. It sounds as if he has a strong interest and perhaps a talent for creating narratives, so use this interest to help him explore related areas which will help him meet other kids who share this interest.
Also, does he like to read? Often children who enjoy reading, particularly science fiction, fantasy, and folklore, also are creative-minded and do well with acting, creative writing, etc. Ask your local youth librarian for some likely titles in these areas that might interest your son. Books are better than video and computer games, any day.
Otherwise, back off. It's said that Prince Charles still cherishes his childhood Teddy bear. My own Teddy bear went to grad. school with me, though he stayed in the dorm and didn't attend classes.
I had my stuffed animals long after they were cool. I loved toys and cartoons and played/watched them into my teen years. More kids do it than you think.
I know several teen girls that still play with American girl dolls. I'm sure there are boys that do similar things.
It's not like a switch, that takes you immediately from childhood to the teen years. It's a twisty and complicated path.
As long as the teen has friends, is doing okay emotionally and scholastically, I'd let it go.
Anyway, he is very smart academically, but emotionally seems to be years behind the other kids. He still plays with his toys and will not let go of his stuffed animals he has had since he was a little child. He literally still sleeps with one specific one.
k.
Guess you were wrong about that one, champ.
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