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No one can look into a magic crystal snowball and determine the effect of the divorce on this person's son. That is Dad's JOB. It is clear that this kid could use some attention. Which one of our kids couldn't?
And some people dress up in animal costumes and have sex with each other (furries...).
The do?? That is nutty.
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That's the kind of perverse stuff I am trying to head off.
So, what? Nerds are morally bankrupt? Is that what you believe? Do you believe that if he plays at toys at 15 he is incapable of understanding your value teachings? You, yourself, played D&D at that age. Did that make you morally bankrupt?
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I don't think this is normal. I have several good friends all my age who have similar aged kids, they all think it's weird too. That and some other mannerisms anyway.
I just want him to not be a social outcast.
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Ok but. What if he does not want the same thing from socialization that you do? What if not being a social outcast, for him, means finding his own tribe?
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I'm not creating a problem. I am really not actively pressuring him to stop, I just refuse to buy him toys anymore.
Refusal is a pretty strong stand.
Last edited by somebodynew; 11-13-2015 at 09:32 AM..
I have a 14 year old son who primarily lives with me, his mother has him during the summer and on most weekends, and some holidays.
Our divorce was amicable and happened when he was 8, we live in the same town and there's not much bad blood between us. He was not really traumatized by the divorce.
Anyway, he is very smart academically, but emotionally seems to be years behind the other kids. He still plays with his toys and will not let go of his stuffed animals he has had since he was a little child. He literally still sleeps with one specific one.
I have tried to separate him from the toys in the last couple of years, but he wont. He has boxes of old toys he only occasionally plays with, and TONS of legos.
I figured that he would eventually be growing out of this phase, he's in 8th grade, going into high school next year, but he's 14 going on 10 emotionally.
At what point should I be legitimately concerned about this? It's not normal. I recently started asking him what he wants for Christmas, and let him create an Amazon "wish list". It's full of toys and a couple more stuffed animals.
I stopped buying him toys a few years back. I won't do it. I buy him books, and video games, board games which he also loves, challenging stuff. His mom and other relatives still do. I have brought it up to his mom too and she sees nothing wrong with it. I see them as enabling it.
Looking back on myself at that age, I gave up toys when I was about 10 or 11, maybe sooner. He has no diagnosed mental deficiencies or handicaps, I just don't know what to do. He's always been socially awkward, but honestly I was too at that age, I know middle school can be rough. But he's way behind and I am worried. This christmas list thing really has me concerned... he turns 15 in March
Oh, also, girls. Is still of the mindset that girls have cuties, wants nothing to do with them. Recently went to a middle school dance just so he didn't have to ride the bus home (no, I had to pick him up). I asked him if he danced with any girls, or talked to them, he said, oooh, no. I asked what did you do the whole time, he sat on the bleachers and read a book.
Moderator cut: delete
From what I see, you're son lacks a true friend. He might have some acquaintances, but it is those good friends that will draw him out of it. They are the ones who are going to start doing things that 14 year olds should be doing. (Though there is a dangerous flip side here and that often kids like this seeking friends are the ones sought out by drug dealers, and he's at an impressionable age. So you want to be certain that any new friends are truly a good person as well). You are going to have to sit down with him and have a looong talk. To sit in the stands and read a book is pretty pathetic (sorry) and surely there were people who picked up on this who will pick on him over it. This will lead to depression. This is why you need to address it and not listen to the clowns who say let him be himself. If a long talk doesn't work, then you need to take a further step and get counseling for him in regards to communicating with his peers.
There's nothing wrong with having a lego set, or liking a stuffed animal. But what he did at the middle school is very lame and just can't happen. Please get him counseling.
Last edited by Miss Blue; 11-13-2015 at 11:00 AM..
Reason: off topic
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