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I'm sorry that the politically correct police have jumped all over you and claim you have no right to think this way. It's easy to give those sweet innocent little politically correct answers when you are behind your computer and don't know the person in question.
From what I see, you're son lacks a true friend. He might have some acquaintances, but it is those good friends that will draw him out of it. They are the ones who are going to start doing things that 14 year olds should be doing. (Though there is a dangerous flip side here and that often kids like this seeking friends are the ones sought out by drug dealers, and he's at an impressionable age. So you want to be certain that any new friends are truly a good person as well). You are going to have to sit down with him and have a looong talk. To sit in the stands and read a book is pretty pathetic (sorry) and surely there were people who picked up on this who will pick on him over it. This will lead to depression. This is why you need to address it and not listen to the clowns who say let him be himself. If a long talk doesn't work, then you need to take a further step and get counseling for him in regards to communicating with his peers.
There's nothing wrong with having a lego set, or liking a stuffed animal. But what he did at the middle school is very lame and just can't happen. Please get him counseling.
I hate sports and I am a very well-adjusted adult. I'm 40 and I would gladly sit in the stands and read a book rather than watch a sports game, which I find boring. There is absolutely nothing wrong with kids who don't like sports. If my kids decided they liked sports, I'd keep my opinions to myself and support their passions.
I still say he's probably artsy and would likely enjoy playing an instrument or some art classes. And Dad would suddenly discover a whole slew of "normal" kids who don't fit the mold.
I don't believe the OP thinks his kid might be gay, but he's already made up his mind that something is wrong with him. Thats what's screwed up.
I disagree. Or sort of. I think there are a lot of posters who come here with an agenda or a desire to be validated. I think this poster could be helped to solve his problem. But I don't think ANYONE is going to be receptive to advice that is cast at them like a bomb. Commenting on what a bad guy this guy is is a whole lot less helpful than recognizing the positive motivation of wanting to help his son.
Why is a 14 year old playing with toys a problem? My husband is 45 and STILL plays with his Star Wars toys from his childhood! It makes him happy. He's not hurting anyone....so what is the problem? Let the kid be a kid!
I hate sports and I am a very well-adjusted adult. I'm 40 and I would gladly sit in the stands and read a book rather than watch a sports game, which I find boring. There is absolutely nothing wrong with kids who don't like sports. If my kids decided they liked sports, I'd keep my opinions to myself and support their passions.
I still say he's probably artsy and would likely enjoy playing an instrument or some art classes. And Dad would suddenly discover a whole slew of "normal" kids who don't fit the mold.
He didn't do that at a sports game. He did that at a middle school dance. Was there not one kid there he could have been sociable with? If he was in the stands by himself reading a book, how many bullies or aspiring bullies do you think noticed while they were at this dance? The kid just set himself up to be a target to be picked on, and become a victim of these potential bullies, which will lead to depression and possibly worse. If he had no friends to be with at this dance, he should have just went home and read the book at home. He is socially immature in a big way, and that is why he needs counseling. I'm not as concerned with the kid's obsession with legos or the stuffed animals; what he did at this dance is quite concerning.
He may very well be artsy, and that's probably a good conclusion. That's what a counselor can get him to realize, and then from there he can start getting acquainted better with other artsy kids.
I hate sports and I am a very well-adjusted adult. I'm 40 and I would gladly sit in the stands and read a book rather than watch a sports game, which I find boring. There is absolutely nothing wrong with kids who don't like sports. If my kids decided they liked sports, I'd keep my opinions to myself and support their passions.
The OP's son wasn't reading at a sporting event, he was reading at a dance. And I agree that this could get him singled out for teasing.
By the OP's own admission, his son is socially awkward. So I'm sure he (the son) finds it much easier to retreat into his shell and play with toys than go against his nature (I'm assuming that he's an introvert) by being more social. Introverts can certainly have friends and enjoy a social life, but they need to do it on their own schedule. Trying to force an introvert to be more social and outgoing than he wants to be will likely not work and will only lead to frustration.
OP, if you're concerned about your son not growing out of his toys, perhaps you can try to steer him towards more "grown-up" ways of indulging his interests. For example, if he likes to play with toy soldiers, maybe you could visit some Civil War battlefields or encourage him to read books about World War II or military strategy. If he likes to build things with Legos, maybe a book about architecture or a detailed scale model of a famous building (e.g. the Eiffel Tower or the Empire State Building) would help.
As for the sleeping with stuffed animals, I would just let it go. Despite how amicable the divorce might have been, the fact remains that your son no longer has both of his parents living together under the same roof. This simply cannot help but be traumatic for him. And while you can minimize the trauma by being mature about things with your ex-wife (which it sounds like you are), you can't eliminate it. Late at night, when your son is all alone in his dark room, the unhappy thoughts are likely to come at him with distressing clarity. If he can soothe himself by cuddling with a stuffed animal, good for him.
He didn't do that at a sports game. He did that at a middle school dance. Was there not one kid there he could have been sociable with? If he was in the stands by himself reading a book, how many bullies or aspiring bullies do you think noticed while they were at this dance? The kid just set himself up to be a target to be picked on, and become a victim of these potential bullies, which will lead to depression and possibly worse. If he had no friends to be with at this dance, he should have just went home and read the book at home.
That is what makes the least sense. Why did he go?
My bad on the dance. I had forgotten that from the beginning of the thread. My daughter is pretty introverted and hates school dances. For some people who are socially awkward, having something to do when you are at an event is very comforting. Personally, when I go to an event, I love to volunteer rather than just hanging out and socializing. It gives me something specific to talk about so I don't have to come up with conversation starters.
I still don't think reading a book at a dance is "concerning." Does it show that he has an area to grow into? Certainly. One thing I have done for myself and shared it with my daughter, is the book "Conversationally Speaking." It's a really good primer on starting conversations with people you don't know and gives concrete ways to practice doing it. even people who are introverted or socially awkward enjoy having friends, but making them isn't always so easy. That difficulty is actually a common thing, though, and can be overcome with some training.
Why is a 14 year old playing with toys a problem? My husband is 45 and STILL plays with his Star Wars toys from his childhood! It makes him happy. He's not hurting anyone....so what is the problem? Let the kid be a kid!
For some reason I thought the child was 16, not 14. This is much less concerning at 14 than 16.
Despite what an ALARMING number of you people say, playing with toys and stuffed animals is NOT normal for an almost 15 year old boy.
I just want to say that if an 'alarming number' of parents are telling you that they have been there and done that and that it is not uncommon, then perhaps you should consider that there is some truth to what they are saying.
Also the fact that you and your friends see this as a problem may have an awful lot to do with lifestyles. Most of the posters here seem to express that a lot of their kids who are similar are into science and engineering, etc. If you ask a bunch of guys who are only into doing stuff they consider to be 'manly' then you are likely to get a different kind of response.
Then there is the fact that you say he 'plays' with toys, which can mean different things to different people. Sleeping with a favorite childhood stuffed toy is a whole different kind of thing than having a teaparty or something with stuffed animals. Building and designing with blocks and legos isn't unusual either. I mean it's not like he's into pretending he's a superhero or still has imaginary friends or that kind of thing?
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