Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
How about surprising him with a telescope and book on astrology for christmas. Also consider getting him one of those short wave radios I believe there called and he can try to communicate with people in other countries. A friend of mine had two sons enthralled with them. Both would be a nice hobby for him and could involve you on occassion. You neednt be concerned about him just help him get interested in bigger and better toys,but let him enjoy the Legos. This stuff beats the daylights out of video games. Think you have a good kid there just may be a bit more of an introvert.
He is *not* acceptable the way he is. It's long past time for him to start growing up. In three years he'll be old enough to put on a uniform and take up an M-16 for Uncle Sam's next war. He needs to be prepared. Coddling him is far more harmful.
Whatever you say, Big Bad Boss Man.
In three years he may be there. But he ain't there yet, and YOU don't get to decide when he's ready. HE does.
And some people dress up in animal costumes and have sex with each other (furries...). That's the kind of perverse stuff I am trying to head off. I don't think this is normal. I have several good friends all my age who have similar aged kids, they all think it's weird too. That and some other mannerisms anyway.
I just want him to not be a social outcast.
I'm not creating a problem. I am really not actively pressuring him to stop, I just refuse to buy him toys anymore.
I'm sure that part will work itself out eventually.
He can be, it's not like I am actively pressuring him about it
It sounds like you are actively trying to make your son a social outcast, by spreading your disdain for his actions with all of your friends.
Are you by any chance of Asian or Middle Eastern descent?
I have a 14 year old son who primarily lives with me, his mother has him during the summer and on most weekends, and some holidays.
Our divorce was amicable and happened when he was 8, we live in the same town and there's not much bad blood between us. He was not really traumatized by the divorce.
He may have been more traumatized than you realize or he may not have been traumatized at all, but based on the below information you provide, I would think there was some level of trauma that is tied to separation or emotional safety for him. But this is the internet, and I am not a Dr. so it is really a suggestion you consider the divorce may have had a larger impact than you thought/think. Dealing with it is not the same statement as no trauma or limited trauma.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CubsFan20
... Anyway, he is very smart academically, but emotionally seems to be years behind the other kids. He still plays with his toys and will not let go of his stuffed animals he has had since he was a little child. He literally still sleeps with one specific one.
I have tried to separate him from the toys in the last couple of years, but he wont. He has boxes of old toys he only occasionally plays with, and TONS of legos.
I figured that he would eventually be growing out of this phase, he's in 8th grade, going into high school next year, but he's 14 going on 10 emotionally.
This doesn't strike me as that odd. I have two sons that are academically gifted, and both were some what emotionally retarded when compared with peers of the same age. They are now both very successful engineers, but High school was pretty traumatic for both of them. One of them is really into gaming - which I personally don't get - and he is working, eating, or gaming. I was concerned about it, but I had to get over my bias, he is who he is.
I had a daughter who travelled Europe at 17, and she was very savvy about travel (30 yo level), an idiot about boys (maybe 14 yo level), academically about average for her age, and was absolutely driven work wise (50 yo executive manager drive).
We adults sometimes want to box kids in and say at X years, they're Y mature, but it is far more complex than that, and they might be really mature in some ways, and quite immature in other ways.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CubsFan20
At what point should I be legitimately concerned about this? It's not normal. I recently started asking him what he wants for Christmas, and let him create an Amazon "wish list". It's full of toys and a couple more stuffed animals.
I stopped buying him toys a few years back. I won't do it. I buy him books, and video games, board games which he also loves, challenging stuff. His mom and other relatives still do. I have brought it up to his mom too and she sees nothing wrong with it. I see them as enabling it.
I think you will see huge changes in his maturity over the next 2-3 years. Buy him some toys from his list that are on the more mature end of the spectrum. You don't want to send a message that "you don't measure up."
Quote:
Originally Posted by CubsFan20
Looking back on myself at that age, I gave up toys when I was about 10 or 11, maybe sooner. He has no diagnosed mental deficiencies or handicaps, I just don't know what to do. He's always been socially awkward, but honestly I was too at that age, I know middle school can be rough. But he's way behind and I am worried. This christmas list thing really has me concerned... he turns 15 in March
I go back to academically gifted kids tend to be somewhat social awkward, and seem to develop late from an emotional maturity perspective. It's not a mental deficiency or a handicap. Really smart kids think differently than their peers, and being different from your peers is always problematic in grade school and high school.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CubsFan20
Oh, also, girls. Is still of the mindset that girls have cuties, wants nothing to do with them. Recently went to a middle school dance just so he didn't have to ride the bus home (no, I had to pick him up). I asked him if he danced with any girls, or talked to them, he said, oooh, no. I asked what did you do the whole time, he sat on the bleachers and read a book.
He is *not* acceptable the way he is. It's long past time for him to start growing up. In three years he'll be old enough to put on a uniform and take up an M-16 for Uncle Sam's next war. He needs to be prepared. Coddling him is far more harmful.
Lol...My husband walked point and carried an M16 in Vietnam. His favorite stuffed toy from childhood is named Pandy and is proudly displayed in his office.
Kids are NOT scarred for life because of the toys they like. They're scarred for life because of lousy parents.
The OP needs to accept his son, love him, and get over his hang-ups.
I have a 14 year old son who primarily lives with me, his mother has him during the summer and on most weekends, and some holidays.
Our divorce was amicable and happened when he was 8, we live in the same town and there's not much bad blood between us. He was not really traumatized by the divorce.
Anyway, he is very smart academically, but emotionally seems to be years behind the other kids. He still plays with his toys and will not let go of his stuffed animals he has had since he was a little child. He literally still sleeps with one specific one.
I have tried to separate him from the toys in the last couple of years, but he wont. He has boxes of old toys he only occasionally plays with, and TONS of legos.
I figured that he would eventually be growing out of this phase, he's in 8th grade, going into high school next year, but he's 14 going on 10 emotionally.
At what point should I be legitimately concerned about this? It's not normal. I recently started asking him what he wants for Christmas, and let him create an Amazon "wish list". It's full of toys and a couple more stuffed animals.
I stopped buying him toys a few years back. I won't do it. I buy him books, and video games, board games which he also loves, challenging stuff. His mom and other relatives still do. I have brought it up to his mom too and she sees nothing wrong with it. I see them as enabling it.
Looking back on myself at that age, I gave up toys when I was about 10 or 11, maybe sooner. He has no diagnosed mental deficiencies or handicaps, I just don't know what to do. He's always been socially awkward, but honestly I was too at that age, I know middle school can be rough. But he's way behind and I am worried. This christmas list thing really has me concerned... he turns 15 in March
Oh, also, girls. Is still of the mindset that girls have cuties, wants nothing to do with them. Recently went to a middle school dance just so he didn't have to ride the bus home (no, I had to pick him up). I asked him if he danced with any girls, or talked to them, he said, oooh, no. I asked what did you do the whole time, he sat on the bleachers and read a book.
All the boys I knew growing up were interested in girls and had crushes most definitely by age 15. If he doesn't progress by that age, I'd look into it. It seems odd.
Maybe it's as simple as not enough time with a father figure? Can that be arranged?
I have a 14 year old son who primarily lives with me, his mother has him during the summer and on most weekends, and some holidays.
Our divorce was amicable and happened when he was 8, we live in the same town and there's not much bad blood between us. He was not really traumatized by the divorce.
Anyway, he is very smart academically, but emotionally seems to be years behind the other kids. He still plays with his toys and will not let go of his stuffed animals he has had since he was a little child. He literally still sleeps with one specific one.
I have tried to separate him from the toys in the last couple of years, but he wont. He has boxes of old toys he only occasionally plays with, and TONS of legos.
I figured that he would eventually be growing out of this phase, he's in 8th grade, going into high school next year, but he's 14 going on 10 emotionally.
At what point should I be legitimately concerned about this? It's not normal. I recently started asking him what he wants for Christmas, and let him create an Amazon "wish list". It's full of toys and a couple more stuffed animals.
.
To say a child is not traumatized--well how can you say that? I child at that age is not mature enough to handle the emotional baggage. People say children are resilient, I don't think there is any truth to that. Children don't have the maturity to deal with it so they appear they are handling it. It is no wonder that adults at 30 or so go to counseling --they are not old and mature enough to understand how traumatizing it is. At some point we look back and see how sad we were as a child and wonder how we managed.
I wouldn't fight the "list'. Just get him want he wants...he will come around in his own time. (I was a closet Barbie player in middle school) .
P.S.--when my adult sons come home they love to play with their own legos.
All the boys I knew growing up were interested in girls and had crushes most definitely by age 15. If he doesn't progress by that age, I'd look into it. It seems odd.
Not all boys or girls are interested in such things by that age...it's common...but not an across the board thing in the least.
[quote]Moderator cut: delete
Last edited by Miss Blue; 11-13-2015 at 06:52 AM..
Reason: off topic
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
