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Time for another update now that some time has passed.
In April of 2019, I bought a car locally off of Craigslist. The car I had been driving was having several issues, and due to its age and rarity, replacement parts were getting incredibly difficult to find. Also, it was technically my parents' car, and I wanted a car in my name for obvious reasons.
I may not have mentioned this in any of my previous posts, but I do have an Associate degree from one of the community colleges here in NC (everything completed online, of course ). I wasn't sure what I wanted to major in upon completion, which is why I have been working at restaurants for the past few years. However....food service was really wearing on me (so much conflict between ownership and management, coupled with high turnover), and through some reading and research I had finally decided that finance would be a good fit for me, so I went back to community college last fall to knock out a few courses that I needed to transfer. This past spring, I ended up transferring to UNC Charlotte and moved in with some relatives who live not far from campus. Everything was going great; I felt so motivated, and was finally starting to connect with some new people....until Covid shut everything down. Due to some of my relatives being in the high risk category, I ended up moving back in with my parents at the end of March.
At the end of the semester, I decided to go back to the restaurant I had worked at previously, as UNCC had announced that everything was going to be online for summer. I managed to complete four classes over the summer while I was working, and work was actually less chaotic throughout the pandemic than it had been previously (maybe they could be pickier about who they hired?). I ended up becoming very close with one of the managers at work; she had been through some similar things growing up, and we bonded very quickly.
So, despite Covid and living at home again, this summer really wasn't that bad. So much of my time was spent working and doing homework, which resulted in my parents not really having much time to bother me.
Unfortunately, things have gotten a bit rough again over the past month. I left the restaurant at the start of September. UNCC bumped the fall semester start date back to Labor Day, so my semester didn't start until about a month ago. Initially, the university stated that some classes would be offered on campus, but then walked that back and announced that, while everything would still start on Sept 7th, on-campus instruction would be delayed until Oct 1st. (Two of my classes were scheduled to go back on campus by the way). Surprise surprise, about a week before classes were supposed to switch to on-campus instruction, it was announced that all business/finance classes would remain online for the remainder of the semester. So I'm stuck here at home for the rest of the year. As much as I want to get away from my parents and start over somewhere else, it feels like I'm too committed to quit now. I'm having issues sleeping, focusing, and studying, but I will graduate in May of 2021 so I'm just trying to drag myself to the finish line at this point.
And sadly, things hit a wall with my former boss. I really liked her, probably too much for my own good, and since she was clearly interested in me, I took her out a few weeks back. Date went well....then she friendzoned me the next day, and I haven't talked with her since mid-September. Hopefully at some point we can work things out, but that's the least of my worries at present.
In your 20s and they don't have a sense of urgency? Or they don't like to see stress or obsess about things? You need your parents approval to live with them but not your own life outside the house.
Be grateful for what you have and take full advantage of that oppurtunity to try differents things like school, job etc. If you make a mistake or don't like your decision correct or change things but do not wait for the perfect moment or expect to get full glowing approval on every decision made in life. But nothing changes until you try something different.
In your 20s and they don't have a sense of urgency? Or they don't like to see stress or obsess about things? You need your parents approval to live with them but not your own life outside the house.
Be grateful for what you have and take full advantage of that oppurtunity to try differents things like school, job etc. If you make a mistake or don't like your decision correct or change things but do not wait for the perfect moment or expect to get full glowing approval on every decision made in life. But nothing changes until you try something different.
Might want to get filled in on the back-story. This young man has made tremendous strides and has achieved a number of goals, but has hit a very rough patch with the pandemic, as have many other college students.
Hang in there, Nicholas. Keep those eyes on the prize - graduation - and make hunkering down at home as do-able as possible.
How about using your car to explore places within an hour of your home, just for a change of scenery? That's really helped me with cabin fever recently.
Though your former supervisor didn't want to get involved romantically, she still might make a good Platonic friend, once your disappointment is less raw. So don't give up entirely on her.
In your 20s and they don't have a sense of urgency? Or they don't like to see stress or obsess about things? You need your parents approval to live with them but not your own life outside the house.
Be grateful for what you have and take full advantage of that oppurtunity to try differents things like school, job etc. If you make a mistake or don't like your decision correct or change things but do not wait for the perfect moment or expect to get full glowing approval on every decision made in life. But nothing changes until you try something different.
It feels like my mom won't accept that I'm an adult more than anything else. My dad seems to silently be more supportive of my independence, but my mom gets upset whenever he even jokes about me having a drink, moving out, etc ("no! I don't think he's ready for that!"), so he doesn't say much about that anymore. It's just really frustrating to live with somebody who feels that their points of view are the correct ones, and then tries to force their mindset on everyone else. I mean, I'm 24 and can't have a beer if she's around because she'll flip out about me becoming an alcoholic....even just drinking a soda once every month or so results in all sorts of disapproving looks and comments.
I am very appreciative of all that they've taught me and done for me. However, a number of coworkers, other students, etc have shared with me how much they grew as a person once they had full control of their life, and how much better their relationships with their parents are now that they don't live with them. I know that I need to make some changes, but it is difficult planning around tentative college schedules - I don't know for sure yet if my classes will be online or back on campus in the spring (although I suspect they will be online again ). I have saved a good bit of money for when the circumstances allow me to move out, but I am looking for a job again because I feel that the structure will help me be more productive with my college work (my last job's hours of operation don't coincide well with my class schedule, which is mainly why I haven't gone back there).
Quote:
Originally Posted by CraigCreek
Might want to get filled in on the back-story. This young man has made tremendous strides and has achieved a number of goals, but has hit a very rough patch with the pandemic, as have many other college students.
Hang in there, Nicholas. Keep those eyes on the prize - graduation - and make hunkering down at home as do-able as possible.
How about using your car to explore places within an hour of your home, just for a change of scenery? That's really helped me with cabin fever recently.
Though your former supervisor didn't want to get involved romantically, she still might make a good Platonic friend, once your disappointment is less raw. So don't give up entirely on her.
Best of luck to you.
I do usually drive around once a week to get out of the house. I'm a car guy and love a good drive, but I feel like I get judged for driving around a lot. Once I'm on the road though, I don't want to go back home.
Perhaps at some point I will be able to resume my friendship with her. She was the only person I was close enough with to talk to about really deep things, and I got the impression that she felt the same. I really miss her, but unfortunately I still have too many feelings right now. If I'm being completely honest though, I felt like she gave me so many signs that she was interested when things had to just be friendly and professional, then once we didn't work together she essentially said she wasn't sure if a relationship would work, and didn't seem interested in giving it a fair shot. I felt like I was upfront with her about everything, and maybe that pushed her away, but if she still wants me in her life, she will have to make it happen because I'm not chasing her anymore.
Thanks everyone for your comments. I do read all of them, and appreciate the suggestions and insight they offer. I've still got a ways to go, but I feel like I'm at least headed in the right direction.
Another update now that it's been a while. I moved out about five months ago and am currently renting a house from one of my relatives. Not exactly the best possible setup considering I am renting from one of my mom's siblings, but it's affordable enough and worlds better than continuing to have to suffer through living with my parents. My relative pretty much leaves me alone, so for the time being it is doable.
Can't remember if I mentioned previously but I have my own phone, car, credit card, etc. Everything is in my name. Feels like I finally have control over pretty much everything in my life, however one thing that I am having a hard time with is discipline. I feel like I waste too much time doing dumb ****, like watching YouTube, etc. Not sure if I'm mentally hitting a wall at this point or just scarred from my younger days, but I feel like I need to be more productive when I'm not working.
So yeah. Also I graduated last year, been having a tough time getting a foot in the door anywhere though. Been waiting tables for the past few months to tread water, and am about to start another job as a tech at an RV dealership. Still got a very long ways to go, but at least it feels like I'm starting to actually notice some progress...
Sounds great Nicholas! We can all procrastinate and waste time, part of being an adult is knowing you are responsible for your own motivation. I was wondering if you work out at all? Exercise is a wonderful way to lift and regulate your mood and it helps give your life structure. You might also make some more friends if you to one gym regularly. The self-discipline of regular exercise also spills over and helps your focus and motivation a lot of the time.
Another update now that it's been a while. I moved out about five months ago and am currently renting a house from one of my relatives. Not exactly the best possible setup considering I am renting from one of my mom's siblings, but it's affordable enough and worlds better than continuing to have to suffer through living with my parents. My relative pretty much leaves me alone, so for the time being it is doable.
Can't remember if I mentioned previously but I have my own phone, car, credit card, etc. Everything is in my name. Feels like I finally have control over pretty much everything in my life, however one thing that I am having a hard time with is discipline. I feel like I waste too much time doing dumb ****, like watching YouTube, etc. Not sure if I'm mentally hitting a wall at this point or just scarred from my younger days, but I feel like I need to be more productive when I'm not working.
So yeah. Also I graduated last year, been having a tough time getting a foot in the door anywhere though. Been waiting tables for the past few months to tread water, and am about to start another job as a tech at an RV dealership. Still got a very long ways to go, but at least it feels like I'm starting to actually notice some progress...
I'm glad you got a cell and moved out. That was way over due!
Honestly, you're going to waste time online because you've been deprived of having a cell phone for many years. Everyone has something they like to do, I like to come here and a few other sites. My son and grandson like to game, grandson is big on you tube, my daughter watches TV shows during down time.
It is your down time. Enjoy it while you can because you never know when you'll meet someone, maybe get married, have kids. You'll miss the days of having time to do whatever you want. Maybe that will help you think of something else you like to do? Do you think you need something else to do that doesn't involve electronics?
Good on you, Nicholas, and I find it very cool that you have kept posting updates.
Be gentle with yourself, you're making good strides!
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). I wasn't sure what I wanted to major in upon completion, which is why I have been working at restaurants for the past few years. However....food service was really wearing on me (so much conflict between ownership and management, coupled with high turnover), and through some reading and research I had finally decided that finance would be a good fit for me, so I went back to community college last fall to knock out a few courses that I needed to transfer. This past spring, I ended up transferring to UNC Charlotte and moved in with some relatives who live not far from campus. Everything was going great; I felt so motivated, and was finally starting to connect with some new people....until Covid shut everything down. Due to some of my relatives being in the high risk category, I ended up moving back in with my parents at the end of March.
As much as I want to get away from my parents and start over somewhere else, it feels like I'm too committed to quit now. I'm having issues sleeping, focusing, and studying, but I will graduate in May of 2021 so I'm just trying to drag myself to the finish line at this point.
