Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I always sent my kid with money. I was the divorced mom with a modest income and we lived amidst some very well-off two parent families. And some very poor ones.
If the other parents insisted on paying for my son, that was fine – but he was prepared. I was going to do everything in my power to help my kid not to be labeled as a mooch. Or the "divorced kid."
When other kids went with us sometimes and if I had asked them or told my son they could come, I expected I would probably pay. And did, unless there was an agreement otherwise beforehand.
I remember one little kid that came to our house every day after school for months. I'd feed him at dinnertime. Finally, I'd drive him home. No one ever seemed to be looking for him. Sometimes I got a little resentful thinking, "Again?" – but geez, that poor kid. It wasn't his fault.
People live by different standards that you often don't share and you have to do what you can to best navigate the minefields.
My parents also always sent me with money. Sometimes the parents would pay and sometimes not, but I always @ least offered and I know the parents were very grateful that I did.
I was raised you should always have $$ and always @ least offer … even if you know the other people will pay … it's good manners.
I always paid for my daughter's friends and boyfriends when they were on an outing with us. I paid for food, movies, activities, and even vacations. The only time I was super annoyed was when we took my daughter's BF on a cruise with us. I told him and his parents that he should bring spending money. He did not bring any money with him.
I always sent money with my daughter when she was invited out with another family. I did not want her to be broke and embarrassed if the parents expected her to pay.
You seem resentful of your stepson living with you and interfering with your budget (and your relationship with your husband).
The thing is, he’s lived with his mom up until about beginning of this year. He asked to come live with us. We live in a different state than his mother - i’ve never had a full-time child - this was literally kind of thrown at me.
I think my husband has a hard time saying no to him because he’s kind of making up for lost time
So it's a husband problem versus a stepson problem or GF problem.
You should talk to your husband about setting appropriate boundaries with his son. If he's not been an involved parent or was the "fun" parent, he may benefit from some parenting classes or some type of coaching to help him navigate those feelings.
Out of curiosity, did he ask to come live with you because Mom was setting boundaries or rules he didn't want to follow?
She's not allowed to hang out with him @ our house … even if we're home (says her parents). So the alternatives are, he goes there or we go out and take her with us.
snip.
Wait a minute! So the GF's parents allow her to go out with your son when you go on an outing to the movies/restaurants//places where you spend money & buy food for her but is not allowed to come to your house to have a family dinner or movie night or game night when it is free/low cost to you????? Isn't that a big Red Flag???? Or at least something to think about. There may be "more to this story".
But, I agree that everyone needs to start communicating better.
Last edited by germaine2626; 04-09-2019 at 12:18 PM..
People who are scraping by don't go on costly outings, they do free or cheap activities such as picnics in the park.
It's not expensive for 3 people but 4 it is b/c of the things the gf wants. My stepson is very low maintenance. The outing was supposed to be for just the 3 of us .. she tagged along and it got infinitely more expensive.
My stepson got an ice cream that was $2. Hers was $6. My stepson got the cheapest candy there was @ the movies … she wanted the giant size popcorn. My stepson is respectful of our money somewhat. The gf is not.
IMO, she seems a bit high maintenance. She is an only child and I bet you the parents spoil her rotten. How does my husband say no to someone else's kid wanting what they want? How does one do that tactfully?
The girlfriend should know you don't get the most expensive item when someone else is paying for it.
My stepson got an ice cream that was $2. Hers was $6. My stepson got the cheapest candy there was @ the movies … she wanted the giant size popcorn. My stepson is respectful of our money somewhat. The gf is not.
IMO, she seems a bit high maintenance. She is an only child and I bet you the parents spoil her rotten. How does my husband say no to someone else's kid wanting what they want? How does one do that tactfully?
The girlfriend should know you don't get the most expensive item when someone else is paying for it.
We weren't scraping until she came along.
The tactful way to do it is to set a budget. "Here is $10 for snacks tonight. Enjoy."
Wait a minute! So the GF's parents allow her to go out with your son when you go on an outing to the movies/restaurants//places where you spend money & buy food for her but is not allowed to come to your house to have a family dinner or movie night or game night when it is free/low cost to you????? Isn't that a big Red Flag???? Or at least something to think about. There may be "more to this story".
But, I agree that everyone needs to start communicating better.
I think it has to do like if we are out we're with them and keeping an eye on them. If we're home, yeah, we're doing the same but the parents I don't think are comfortable with it … they obviously don't want her in the bedroom alone with our son and I absolutely understand that … so I think they feel like when she is out there's no chance for that to happen.
The tactful way to do it is to set a budget. "Here is $10 for snacks tonight. Enjoy."
No further discussion is necessary.
Will try that and see if it works.
My stepson will get the $2 snack and she will get the $8 snack, mark my words lol
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
