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And I agree that black women speak negatively about black men too based on silly things - like them being lazy or not good fathers, etc. As stated above, I have general prejudices against all men. Sounds mean, but it is the truth. I think the only difference with the black men and men in general is the focus on commenting so negatively about "black women" in a specific way.
At least you are honest.
like 8won6 said, some men talk down on women their own race or women in general, it is not really a black problem. Women do that too.
I have a male friend who only dates a certain race, claiming other races are inferior. I also have a Korean-American girlfriend who wants to date only white men. Claiming asian males are ugly, black men are not even worth dating. She liked my brother, so she is open to date white or white/mixed men. (the mix has to be Asian) lol
SOME people are just plain weird. Maybe self hating? i have no idea.
I'll also note that most women in the past liked the "bad boy" image as well and that was also not just a black woman things.
I know a lot of white single mothers and white married mothers, which is why I know men are men and us women are women. We are all pretty similar when it comes down to it.
Most of the white women who have white "baby daddies" I know who are single moms also have lazy exes. Many of them have lazy husbands who don't like to work and who play video games all day too or stay on their ipad or some other sort of technology or sport they are into and don't actively participate in household chores or child rearing either. Many are also chronic marijuana smokers like many of the black "baby daddies" in my own family.
As stated, the main difference I see is that there is no specific negative characteristics spouted amongst my white friends/family about "white women" in general. But even they have the negative stereotypes of "black women" that black men also have and view us as "different" based on those same stereotypes.
I do hear white men talk about women in general...they may not mention race, because they are talking about white women the same way "all lives matter" means white. I have also heard dudes that were italian talk about italian women, asian men talk about asian women, irish men talk about irish women. Everybody does it. It comes off as a specific black male problem the way SOME black women portray it. And on the flip side i've heard black women say bad stuff about black men. And honestly, it's just venting in my opinion. It's expected and some times it is a round about way of getting things off your chest. I mean, if some dude's girl cheats on him and he calls her a "h0e"...is he talking about all black women? If a black man cheats on a black woman and she calls black men dogs in that moments can she just be venting and it not be some declaration of war?
And, the "i like nerdy guys" thing...is extremely new in the black community. I'm 35 I know this wasn't a thing until maybe as recently as like 5 years ago. This wasn't a thing for the longest. LOL. And I know of the dudes alot of black women have chosen based on what i see and the fact that the vast majority of my female family members are single mothers all from the same type of thugged out bum dudes. Black for the most part aren't picking mr. stability, they are picking mr. excitement.
I think the main difference between other races of men and black American men (online) is, a very vocal group of black American men are all over social media disparaging black American women, in particular. --I've even come across videos from black British men stating that black American men need to stop with the bullying and dysfunctional behavior.
Another thing that I've observed is, when black men stereotype black women as mostly preferring thugs, it's more often than not due to the behaviors that they directly observed within their own family. For example, if the black guy's mom, sisters and aunts were attracted to those sort of men, the guy is more likely to project the behaviors of his female relatives onto the larger population of black women.
Within my family, the black males would never utter such a thing, because it is simply untrue. My sister and I are both single w/out children. Many of my cousins are married, but living overseas. My oldest cousin married a German man, and I have 3 other cousins who are also married to non black men.
I often hear this stereotype from black men online, but rarely do they speak about the intelligent, gifted black girls and women, who want nothing to do with ANY thugs/criminals and idiots. I have NEVER had any interest in such males.
I've noticed this as well. I don't find other races of men specifically singling out the women in their group... more often than not, they will simply say "women" if they are making ANY disparaging remarks.
Recently, my mother stopped by her brother's home to assist him with his medical related illness. My mom informed me that when one of the black nurses did not show up for the home visit on-time, he stated, "that's why I hate black women..." I was taken a back (upon hearing this), because he is one of my favorite uncles, and I've never known him to espouse such views. Needless to say, after digesting his comment, I had to cut my ties. Whenever he calls, I simply let it go to my voicemail. My mom mentioned that she forgives him because he went through a bad divorce recently w/ his ex-wife, but I don't believe women should EVER condone or accept such abusive words.
On this, I'm a very forgiving person as I don't feel it is worth anything to hold a grudge and especially not toward someone I love or who has been important to me.
So my uncle saying something like that, I would have just asked him about it instead of cutting him off. I do cut people off, but it has to be pretty drastic.
I also try to understand other people's POV and the experiences they are going through. I would agree with your mom in that your uncle is going through a hard divorce, I'd give him some lee-way but would mention his comment and say how hurtful it was to me and I'm sure to his sister. Hopefully he would apologize.
I've had lots of these sorts of conversations with my husband and dad and brothers. My dad and husband are the most open and willing to discuss these thing and both of them do agree that they were reared by our society and by the black community to hold sexist views. My dad is doing his best to not be that way but still says some things that make me go
My husband has more of a blurty type of mouth and says things without thinking about them and as stated, I did consider divorcing him based on a lot of the issues in our marriage that centered around his idealizing a patriarchal form of culture for our home and placing himself on some sort of pedestal because he has a penis and "being a man" in his mind meant he should have some sort of final say. I am not a religious person and honestly, I do blame a lot of this on religion and its high adherence in the black community. My husband was raised in the church and a large amount of his ideation of what a man is supposed to be in the family is based upon his religious upbringing.
I'm fine with people being religious but I'm not religious and one will not put their religion off on me. He was aware of this when we first started dating and we did have some serious conversations about these subjects to where he has made steps to get better in this regard. If someone acknowledges they have an issue and works toward a solution, I'm willing to stay the course with the, especially if they are beloved to me like my husband is and like all of my close family members are to me.
I think our society in general today is too polarized and that we should never just cut people off without explanation and especially not if they are a family member.
I'll also note that most women in the past liked the "bad boy" image as well and that was also not just a black woman things.
I've noticed that some nerdy guys often feel as though they are entitled to the pretty girls. When those girls reject them, they become very angry and lash out by stating --all women prefer bad guys, when in truth, the nerdy guy should have focused his efforts and energy on attracting a woman who is more like him.
like 8won6 said, some men talk down on women their own race or women in general, it is not really a black problem. Women do that too.
I have a male friend who only dates a certain race, claiming other races are inferior. I also have a Korean-American girlfriend who wants to date only white men. Claiming asian males are ugly, black men are not even worth dating. She liked my brother, so she is open to date white or white/mixed men. (the mix has to be Asian) lol
SOME people are just plain weird. Maybe self hating? i have no idea.
On the bold, they don't do it like black men do it about black women. Black men buying into these comments and perpetuating them about black women make other demographics, both male and female, believe that those stereotypes and demeaning comments are true about black women.
I don't know any stereotype of an Italian woman or a Latina woman. I do know the stereotype of an Asian woman is that she is meek and docile and submissive - something I think is rather negative and I know quite a few Asian American women who do not like this stereotype of them.
On white women in general, since you are white, you should know that many black men characterize you in the same way as an Asian woman - you would be seen as "submissive" and easy to manipulate.
Whenever you see or hear denigrating things being said about black women by a black man, they usually bring up white women to contrast between the negatives of the black woman. Due to that, they are also IMO downing white woman and saying you are pushovers and they can treat you poorly and you will just take it and shut up about it. It is pure misogyny IMO.
I see it as an insult to white women and black women.
I think the main difference between other races of men and black American men (online) is, a very vocal group of black American men are all over social media disparaging black American women, in particular. --I've even come across videos from black British men stating that black American men need to stop with the bullying and dysfunctional behavior.
They need to stop it. It is ridiculous and embarrassing and they look stupid. For example, calling black women "nappy headed" when they have the same hair texture growing out of their own scalps. Remember that whole Imus scandal? D.L. Hughely had the audacity to go on national tv and say that he agreed that those girls were "nappy headed" when his head looks like a sheep's a**. Is he serious? LOL They criticize black women for having the same features they have. That sounds like self hate IN MY OPINION.
There are plenty of non-black men who date outside of their races but, do you see them on youtube, instagram, and twitter degrading their women and declaring their hate for them? Nope. Even if they don't care for dating their women, they still have enough decency and respect to publicly shame those women.
On the bold, they don't do it like black men do it about black women. Black men buying into these comments and perpetuating them about black women make other demographics, both male and female, believe that those stereotypes and demeaning comments are true about black women.
I don't know any stereotype of an Italian woman or a Latina woman. I do know the stereotype of an Asian woman is that she is meek and docile and submissive - something I think is rather negative and I know quite a few Asian American women who do not like this stereotype of them.
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I think it depends on the individual.
People who get hurt in the past tend to be more, well... Jaded. There are so many men on relationship forum moaning and complaining about American women, (including white women)
For example, I know several white males love the mail order brides from Asian countries. They all say Asian women are the best, blah blah. I am not saying they are undesirable men, I am saying their judgement might be a little bit more clouded. Some people just don't take rejection well.
I have always been curious about black men when I was single. It has nothing to do with stereotype I must say, I just think their skin color is amazingly beautiful and I am more attracted to the male athlete or the military type. I've never really dated a black guy but I always found many attractive.
My brother likes black ladies, but he really does not have any "preference". He found them beautiful.
Like I said earlier, I don't know many black men, but the black men I know never looked down on me. So I don't really know.. Like I said earlier, I would suggest that it is far more about local culture than about race in the US; and this is especially true amongst some of the younger generation.
Last edited by lilyflower3191981; 04-11-2017 at 11:14 AM..
On this, I'm a very forgiving person as I don't feel it is worth anything to hold a grudge and especially not toward someone I love or who has been important to me.
So my uncle saying something like that, I would have just asked him about it instead of cutting him off. I do cut people off, but it has to be pretty drastic.
In truth, I decided that he is not someone that I care to associate with at this time. This is based on his overall selfishness and lack of concern for my mom's feelings. It was relatively easy for me to cut him off, because I live in a different state and although he was a favorite uncle when I was younger, I haven't really needed him or other males in my family for much. I'm very much independent and have been fortunate that due to my work and earned income, I've never had to depend on a man for any financial assistance. It's a little funny, because I'm very petite, and pride myself on doing mostly everything on my own.
However, not too long ago, I was freaking out about wanting to meet Mr. Right, but after really evaluating the relationships of peers and family, I came to discover that I like my solo/independent lifestyle.
I'm currently looking forward to relocating to the West Coast. My family thinks it's strange to move so far away, but it's in my nature to do as I please, as long as its within my budget.
I know a few men who are different but most men are like this IMO.
As I stated on the other thread, I don't expect black men to have no complaints about black women because I know I have my prejudices about men in general and one of them is that men are very lazy in the home and are less responsible and are more immature than women in general (that is more than one but those are my main observations of men as a woman having grown up in a male dominated family. I was the only girl in my household and I have 3 brothers and also a male cousin who I consider my brother who I grew up with. I also mostly have nephews and only 2 nieces).
I am racking my brain to think of a man I know, even those in my own family who are not like this. My husband would probably be the "best" of the bunch only because he doesn't like sports or video games, we have never had a system, plus he is older than me and is mid-40s so isn't into games and such like younger men are today. But he is like older men who will hang out with their guy friends every day and leave me to do everything if I didn't speak to him about it. It is like men rarely think of people in their households. I also do have to tell him to do things or he will put off things that need to be done by a certain time (like cooking dinner so our youngest can go to bed on time) until he is done with his leisure TV watching lol. So small things that I know about him because we've been together so long that I "just know" that if he is cooking dinner we won't eat until 10pm and I'll have to get my daughter a sandwich or something so she can go to bed on time.
My younger brothers and cousins....ugh....they all have kids and they are what people would call "good fathers." They hang out with their kids and take physical care of them but they keep the video game on ALL DAY and they will ignore the kids most of the day and play games. A lot of men, no matter ethnicity are like this. I told one of them that he should take his kids to the park or library and he said they can stay in the house while he plays his game. He doesn't pay much attention to them at all all day. But luckily he at least does feed them on a schedule. Their mother works an opposite shift of my brother (they are married BTW) and when she is with them they go outside, she reads to them, makes them healthier food, they go to the library and other free activities in the area. It is a huge contrast between mother and father.
To be a "good mother/wife" the lady has to do everything nearly perfectly in our society. To be a "good father/husband" a man just has to be present and not hitting the wife/kids. That is why so much gets blamed on the mother/women - men expect us to do everything and if something goes wrong we are to blame even though we may have busted our a$$es for years doing everything and they sat on the couch watching TV or playing games and got mucho kuddos because they were in the house with the kids.
So would your advice to young black women be to "marry out" or what?
Now, of course, you realize that if a white person came into the other thread expressing the same generalized point of view about black people in general, he would not get a welcomed response, right? But you expect one here.
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