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You've said the exact same thing a good girl friend of mine says and she lives in the Bay Area/SF (born and raised). She said that even her non-Blacks friends and colleagues have pointed it out and asked her why do BM date everything and everybody except a BW? She put the age of Black on Black couples at those age 60+ years and older. Younger than that she said is very rare to see a Black couple and that regardless of how beautiful, educated, soft-spoken, economic status, or small (not overweight/obese) the BW are in that area, they're SINGLE because BM will not date them but openly pursue "other" women for relationships.
According to her "even the broke down, busted BM with nothing to offer have the same mentality as the wealthy, highly educated BM when it comes to dating/mating".
Most of my cousins and black friends have non-black husbands/boyfriends. Most of the black ladies at my company (under age 40-50s) have non-black husbands and boyfriends. The same goes for the men.
Last week I saw a young (probably early 20s), attractive black couple at Target and I am pretty certain that I stared at them as if I had seen a mermaid dancing the cha-cha because it is such a rare sight.
It would be nice to see more young black couples but it is what it is. I think that black women in the west or on the west coast have been more open to other men so we don't worry about who black men want.
Not to be rude, but they would not look down on you for the most part because you are not a black woman. You would be the pedestal us black women should reach for.
If you were a black woman, you would have already had someone in your life denigrate you for being a black female by the time you were 10 years old. You would have heard a male family member or family friend say something negative about "black women/black girls" that would have affected you.
I think you don't understand this whole conversation because you are not a black woman and are not constantly berated and being accused of being a certain negative way or being told you don't know how to "keep a man" by both black men and black women. It is a stupid mindset, but it is one that is common IMO nationwide amongst black people in America.
I remember you saying someone in your family is marrying a black man. I bet his black male friends have said something negative about black women and him being lucky to not have to deal with a black woman for a wife. I know this because I have heard my own family members say it to other family members who marry non-black women. They also frequently "joke" about what cousins/uncles who are married to white woman can "get away with" because they have a white woman. All this serves to tell a black woman they are less than others and also pits women in general against each other and shows how much more of a positive view that black men have of non-black women.
I wholeheartedly agree with this post and the point that it makes about having an opinion while not sharing the experience.
This is interesting - do you have a link/website where I would be able to look up more information regarding the Black Woman's Anti Defamation Project?
Thanks in advance!
You can check out the below video which features a great deal of information about the issues surrounding cyber bullying and harassment of Black Women (and Girls) online:
I'll also note that most women in the past liked the "bad boy" image as well and that was also not just a black woman things.
I know a lot of white single mothers and white married mothers, which is why I know men are men and us women are women. We are all pretty similar when it comes down to it.
Most of the white women who have white "baby daddies" I know who are single moms also have lazy exes. Many of them have lazy husbands who don't like to work and who play video games all day too or stay on their ipad or some other sort of technology or sport they are into and don't actively participate in household chores or child rearing either. Many are also chronic marijuana smokers like many of the black "baby daddies" in my own family.
As stated, the main difference I see is that there is no specific negative characteristics spouted amongst my white friends/family about "white women" in general. But even they have the negative stereotypes of "black women" that black men also have and view us as "different" based on those same stereotypes.
This is also true. The state of white America is going to resemble black America. Right now for example, I white men have higher death rates than black men. White areas now higher drug use. What hurt black and white men who are not educated are Reagan/Clinton neo Liberal policies of the 80s and 90s. I live in nyc, and now we have a huge abundance of middle class educated white Americans who moved here after college. These folks have no desire to move. Back to middle white America.
In the circles I run in...and the online places I frequent (not this place...lol) black men dating out their race, but specifically white women, are sometimes labeled c00ns. Or at the very least, people kind of look at them like "be careful bro". See, this is a good example, just how vastly different our experiences can be. Black people are not a monolith and we can both 100% truthfully pull from our experiences and still have different opinions and views. While you talk about how it can make a black woman feel to see a black man with a non-black woman...on the flipside a black woman is sometimes seen as leveling up if she's dating of the race as well. There are full blown websites and youtube channels dedicated to swirling. If I were to base my entire rational on this internet stuff and not what I see in reality, I'd be a lot more combative. And as I said before the reality is interracial dating amongst blacks is extremely low.
So none of the black men in your circle have ever said anything disparaging about "black women?"
I honestly don't believe that. I don't because my husband is similar to how you describe your circle in that he thinks that black men who marry outside of the race are c00ns and are victims of "white supremacy." However, he also has spoken VERY negatively about black women in general as mentioned earlier in the thread. Even though he doesn't do it anymore in front of our children, in our personal conversations, he does still speak ill about black women. Mostly that black women are to blame for black boys being gay or black women don't have black men's back or that black women are not docile and "feminine" enough. And that black women speaking of issues facing black women are them trying to be like white women.
So I don't buy that. The men who are what I call "race men" in that they think poorly of everyone who isn't "all black" all the time, they also frequently denigrate black women but will make a distinction between "their woman" and the rest of the black women.
And please note, I'm not saying that all black men say these things about black women, only that those who don't usually don't say anything to their friends/family members who speak these sorts of disparaging comments.
The point is that SOME men would disrespect women of their own race; such men will not show much respect towards women in general. When you hear men bragging about their mail order brides wives (from East European Latin America, or Asian countries), pay attention to the language they use, "These women are the best, they know how to take care of their men and are not as bi*chy and demanding as American women.. blah blah." Honestly speaking, women have to have mental illness to find such males attractive!
My future brother-in-law is a black man, he dated many black women in the past. He just happened to fall in love with my sister who happened to be non-black.
My next door neighbors (black husband white wife) have a biracial son who went to west point. He dates women of all racial backgrounds. I've never heard him or his dad talking down on black women, believe me, I am very close to their family. I remember I asked my neighbor once, "Have you ever dated any black ladies?" He said, "Of course I have." I then asked, "well, you think white women are better than black women?" He basically just told me, he has no racial preference when it comes to dating. His wife doesn't mind questions like this, by the way. I believe him because my brother is exactly the same way. He finds many women attractive, including many black women.
This said, my dad has always told me when you choose a boyfriend, you need to find out how he treats OTHER people. If he treats everybody with respect, then it is safe to say he is a good man. I agree.
I don't date any men who refuse to date women of their own race. To me, such men are jaded and have issues. But if a man happened to fall in love with a girl outside his own race, I won't automatically assume he hates women of his own race.
Do I think some black men disrespect black women? sure, such men exist, no doubt about it. I doubt such men really respect women in general. So women of all races should avoid such men at all cost.
The bold is the part you don't understand. If I had to avoid all the black men I know who have disrespected black women, I would not be able to speak to nearly every man in my family.
And your black neighbors and future BIL would not speak to you in the same way they would speak to another black male. Unless you go to their home for informal gatherings and you sit with/near the men, you would not hear these sorts of things. As stated, I am one of a few females in my family so I grew up with this stuff and saw and heard it all the time. Luckily my dad and my younger brothers especially have either calmed down on this sort of rhetoric or (the younger brothers) just are of a different, more tolerant and compassionate generation and they are not apt to generalize black women in this way. I think they don't because like the men you mentioned, they have dated women of many ethnicities and they think all women are nuts lol. But my dad and older brother especially they respect me as a black woman. My older brother, who is probably the worst offender now in the family in disrespecting black women, he doesn't like non-black women for relationships. He has dated them in the past when he was a teen/20something but he prefers black women now because he had some issues with white women. Even still, he denigrates black women. He makes an exception of me every time we have a conversation like this. How I'm "not like" those "other black women." I tell him a majority of black women are like me and he shouldn't generalize us. FWIW, I think he dates a lot of lower class women period and I've told him he needs to expand his social circle to include middle and upper class black women but due to the way he carries himself at times, I don't think a respectable black woman would want him. Neither I, nor my step-sisters ever advise our friends to date him lol. He gets upset at us for that, but I would never subject one of my friends to him in a relationship and would warn her if she chooses to get involved with him.
The information was deleted because City Data doesn't support petitions, I am re-posting w/out links to the petition. You can check out the below video which features a great deal of information about the issues surrounding cyber bullying and harassment of Black Women (and Girls) online:
I am so glad that black women are finally starting to put ourselves first. Our issues are not only pushed aside by the wider society but by black men as well. Despite the fact that black women were fighting right along side black men for civil rights, as soon as a gain was made we were cast aside.
I posted about this in the other thread but it is heartbreaking that today many black men do not see an issue with the erasure of black women from our own history. The most recent example is the series/miniseries on Showtime about the Black Power Movement of the 1970s called "Guerrilla". Written and directed by a black man John Ridley and produced by Idris Elba, a black actor. The MAIN character and the hero is an Indian woman played by Frieda Pinto (hand picked by the director) and black women are no where to be seen (or their characters are traitors). It is like the ultimate black male fantasy to fight the (white) man with a white or non-black woman by his side.
Location: Born & Raised DC > Carolinas > Seattle > Denver
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Quote:
Originally Posted by calipoppy
I am so glad that black women are finally starting to put ourselves first. Our issues are not only pushed aside by the wider society but by black men as well. Despite the fact that black women were fighting right along side black men for civil rights, as soon as a gain was made we were cast aside.
I posted about this in the other thread but it is heartbreaking that today many black men do not see an issue with the erasure of black women from our own history.
I'm sorry you feel that way, truly. Black women should never be made to feel as if they're lesser than, by anyone.
However, I feel like you're painting black men with a broad brush, as if all of us feel this way.
As I said earlier in this thread, I and many of my friends (black men) are married to black women. The last thing anybody would accuse us of is not respecting black women or not acknowledging their struggles and supporting them.
I've no skin in this game, but I found this statistic interesting.
Among blacks, men are much more likely than women to marry someone of a different race. Fully a quarter of black men who got married in 2013 married someone who was not black. Only 12% of black women married outside of their race.
The overwhelming majority, 75%, of black men marry black women. The argument that black men don't date or like black women doesn't seem valid give this stat.
Last edited by texan2yankee; 04-12-2017 at 07:58 AM..
I am so glad that black women are finally starting to put ourselves first. Our issues are not only pushed aside by the wider society but by black men as well. Despite the fact that black women were fighting right along side black men for civil rights, as soon as a gain was made we were cast aside.
I posted about this in the other thread but it is heartbreaking that today many black men do not see an issue with the erasure of black women from our own history. The most recent example is the series/miniseries on Showtime about the Black Power Movement of the 1970s called "Guerrilla". Written and directed by a black man John Ridley and produced by Idris Elba, a black actor. The MAIN character and the hero is an Indian woman played by Frieda Pinto (hand picked by the director) and black women are no where to be seen (or their characters are traitors). It is like the ultimate black male fantasy to fight the (white) man with a white or non-black woman by his side.
Ridley and Elba's account of the black power movement in London is essentially revisionist history. Ridley mentioned that his wife is an Asian activist. Therefore, it's easy to see that he decided to alter historical accounts to ensure that his wife (and other non black women like her) were recognized. The problem is, these women should not be receiving recognition for actions that they didn't take. If anything, he and Elba should be paying homage to the many black women who were actually on the front lines, fighting side by side, w/ black men.
It is very telling that Idris Elba went along w/ co-producing a storyline that features an Asian woman as a pivotal leader of the black power movement in London. Ultimately, it shows that even some black men who are dating black women will remain mostly silent when it comes to black women being erased from our own stories.
As an aside, I did a little research and discovered that it was actually an asian man who played a role in the black power movement in London, yet instead of using an asian or non black man to tell this particular story, the black producers and writers ultimately decided to erase the black women --Very telling indeed.
I do agree w/ you about it being the ultimate black male fantasy to have a non black woman fighting with a black man against "white oppression." In reality however, it is always black women who are at the forefront protesting w/ black men.
We certainly owe a lot to social media, because more and more black women are waking up to the truth. The great thing is we can simply tune out and not support this project. A number of black women are on social media planning to boycott (showtime). I think it is very wise for us to do so. After all, we should never support our own erasure.
Some people may interpret this as black women being bitter, but this is the furthest thing from the truth. I have no issues with IR dating. The main issue is not IR relationships, the issue is, the erasure of black women from our own stories.
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