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I would have a problem with it. Trust is not the only issue to think about. Your placing yourself in a position for someone to cause trouble. Lets say that one of you are visiting a friend of the opposite sex alone somewhere, or even in public someplace. The person that you are visiting could lead others to believe that something did happen. Maybe someone sees you out with your friend. This could open up a hornets nest if they start talking. Why would anyone want to place them selves in that position?
Because I love my wife, I never want her to have to worry about what might have been. We have made it a rule to refrain from spending time alone with people of the opposite sex. If I head on over to a friends home and his wife is home alone waiting for him to get back, I choose to wait outside or in my car, or leave depending on the situation, instead of going inside. I just will not put myself in that position. Too many people have gotten burned by doing things like that.
I would have a problem with it. Trust is not the only issue to think about. Your placing yourself in a position for someone to cause trouble. Lets say that one of you are visiting a friend of the opposite sex alone somewhere, or even in public someplace. The person that you are visiting could lead others to believe that something did happen. Maybe someone sees you out with your friend. This could open up a hornets nest if they start talking. Why would anyone want to place them selves in that position?
Because I love my wife, I never want her to have to worry about what might have been. We have made it a rule to refrain from spending time alone with people of the opposite sex. If I head on over to a friends home and his wife is home alone waiting for him to get back, I choose to wait outside or in my car, or leave depending on the situation, instead of going inside. I just will not put myself in that position. Too many people have gotten burned by doing things like that.
I hear you, and I don't completely disagree
BUT, I do think that if a good friendship pre-dates the romantic relationship that a there is no reason why a person can't continue to interact with their friend.
I do not think it's appropriate for NEW friends you've made since you became a committed couple to have one on one time with you.
You avoid situations like that out of respect for the relationship and to avoid any misunderstandings.
I will be honest i would hate it. If you both agreed to have a commited relationship, than there shouldnt be any other people from the opposite sex in the picture. Simple as that. I am probably in the minority who thinks this way. To me i dont understand why you would be friends with someone of the opposite sex if you are in a relationship. It seems so pointless. Yes, this has ruined relationships for me in the past but this is how i feel about the subject.
If this is what i have to accept to be in a relationship than i would rather not be in one.
No offense Viper, but I think this is kinda sad ... no friends at all of the opposite sex? ... geez, one of my best friends is a girl (yeah, we're 55+, I still say girl) who I've known for over 40 years ... we even dated 42 years ago ... she later married my best friend ... she and I have done lots of things together thru the years w/o our spouses ... there's no jealously at all from our spouses, and no sexual tension between us ... and before some smart aleck chimes in, she's still a babe ... my wife knows her well and has no issues ...
The point is this: I am challenging myself. Am I wrong here to be jealous? Is this part of the reason I am 34 and single? I try to grow as a person. I liked this woman, loved even. we had troubles though. Am I too untrusting? Was this worth being extremely upset about? I am trying to learn from this experience. Maybe I should not be in such a hurry to assume the worst, but jeez this situation just didnt sound good to me originally.
If it didnt sound good to you originally, then it should not have been pursued to the level of a committed relationship. Its ok to be 'just' friends with people who have alot of difficulties , problems, or who are a bit toxic . We need to only go deeper with reasonably healthy people and ones that we mesh well with.
If it didnt sound good to you originally, then it should not have been pursued to the level of a committed relationship. Its ok to be 'just' friends with people who have alot of difficulties , problems, or who are a bit toxic . We need to only go deeper with reasonably healthy people and ones that we mesh well with.
I guess it depends on the relationship. None of the men I've been with would have had a problem with it. BUT, it is because they knew me very well. I wouldn't hang out with a guy if I found him attractive, I don't believe in tempting fate. They knew I am a very loyal person, and I've never been unfaithful in any relationship. They had never caught me in any lies, cause I don't lie. If I'm in a relationship that means we have discussed scenarios like this, and things like emotional infidelity, etc.
On the off chance that my other half felt uncomfortable with something I was going to do..... that's easy, I just wouldn't do it. But, I can't think of an instance where that happened.
We are always respectful of each other, and if there is an opposite sex friend the other either knows a lot about it, or has met them.
I don't think you trusted her very much, and possibly for good reason.
hmm, I was beginning to think I my feelings on this particular situation where a little bit off. Maybe I wasn't trusting enough. But I read this post, and the two others that mentioned something to the affect of (paraphasing 2 similair comments by Montains and Yvette, not mean to take out of context) "I wish he would have mentioned this in the OP, I am betgginging to see a different picture."
I am getting confused again... haha, over analyzing...
If it didnt sound good to you originally, then it should not have been pursued to the level of a committed relationship. Its ok to be 'just' friends with people who have alot of difficulties , problems, or who are a bit toxic . We need to only go deeper with reasonably healthy people and ones that we mesh well with.
when i say originally, i mean the topic in the OP. the OP took place in about month 9 (out of about 10 total months) of the relationship, not the beginning o the relationship.
when i say originally, i mean the topic in the OP. the OP took place in about month 9 (out of about 10 total months) of the relationship, not the beginning o the relationship.
People who are happy and committed in their relationships that put themselves into situations where a spark can ignite do find themselves compromising their relationships. Not all the time, but when interacting with opposite sex platonic friends, it is generally a good idea not to put yourself into situations where an impropriety could occur. Or where the situation could cause your SO to suspect an impropriety could or did occur.
In that respect, I vote that the GF is not being respectful to her relationship... and that is not related to how the bf feels, or his level of trust.
She has decided to be alone at a guy's house, a guy known as being flirty and hitting on women, when in a committed relationship. Even with the best intentions, if this guy starts to try to push buttons, pressuring, or whatever, something could happen. That is what the OP is seeing.
The OP should have 100% confidence in her that she is faithful... but even people who are fully faithful compromise themselves when they put themselves into dangerous situations sometimes.
She should meet him alone to interact as a platonic friend, and see the pictures, but someone not as private as a private residence. OR... she could introduce her BF to this friend, and they could view the pics together.
I have read all the posts, and I think this is the most insightful, realistic answer to your question.
Sure, you should trust your GF. But she should respect your relationship as well. Disappearing in "the bathroom" for 30 minutes or hanging out alone with a guy she is known to have made out with (drunk is no excuse) are not signs of respect.
You are overthinking it. Whether or not people in relationships can be friends with the opposite sex totally depends on the people and their history.
Well i hate it. And i hate that there are some people that think people like me (who dont want to share their womens company with another man) are considered the bad guy and jealous or possesive or over protected and that we dont get how the world works today.
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