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There have been many studies conducted regarding a healthy marriage vs. an unhealthy marriage and the role children play..
It has been stated that children from divorced parents are just like any other child and furthermore children in a family full of strife lives in turmoil everyday and often wonder why mom or dad didnt divorce sooner. Your information is baseless. If divorced parents can co-parent effectively and focus on their children? The children will adjust.
Where do you get this BS from? It's another attempt to rationalize divorce. I'm like 99.9% sure that the majority of studies state that divorced are nothing like normal kids. Where exactly are these studies that show divorce has no effects on kids?
It can be seen as hypocritical and this is the perception of an individual unless they know the core reasons.
No it doesn't..and honestly comparing a disease to children is reaching a bit is it not?
That's a straw man. You know the point is not to compare children to a disease. I don't know why you would even go there if not to put forth a straw man. Anyhow, it's a hypocritical position in either case. People typically look like asses when immersed in hypocrisy. An adult should have the maturity to recognize it.
Quote:
There have been many studies conducted regarding a healthy marriage vs. an unhealthy marriage and the role children play..
It has been stated that children from divorced parents are just like any other child and furthermore children in a family full of strife lives in turmoil everyday and often wonder why mom or dad didnt divorce sooner. Your information is baseless. If divorced parents can co-parent effectively and focus on their children? The children will adjust.
You're pretty off here. This website may be biased (I don't know), but it's backed with oodles of studies that counter your premise. Outside homes with high conflict and abuse, which accounts for less than 30% of divorces, divorce is always worse for children.
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Myth:Marriage dissolution, although problematic, does not pose a major threat to the well-being of children of divorce.
Reality: By almost every measure, children of divorce fare worse than their peers in intact families. The children of divorce are more likely to engage in behaviors that lead to higher rates of crime, drug use, child abuse, poor educational performance, higher incidence of behavioral, emotional, physical, and psychiatric problems.
There appear to be over 100 studies cited for the myth vs reality page. I would like to see the studies you're referring to. Don't get me wrong, if a child is living with violence or sexual abuse then divorce is the way to go, but as stated that doesn't account for the majority of divorces. And I'm sure this is hard for a divorced parent to swallow, but divorced parents need to recognize the effects of divorce in order to take extreme measures for their children. The mindset of "the kids will be fine" doesn't seem like the way to go at all.
There is a world out there, far away from most male US minds, where there are as many, or more, "single" mothers with children than married women with children. The children of these single mothers often have devoted fathers and their mother is not looking for a second father, nor will she allow the man in her life to interfere in the decisions she makes about raising her children.
I suspect there are also quite a number of such women in the US and I am sure they are quite happy to avoid (an be avoided by) men who stereotype them as "father hunters".
There is a world out there, far away from most male US minds, where there are as many, or more, "single" mothers with children than married women with children. The children of these single mothers often have devoted fathers and their mother is not looking for a second father, nor will she allow the man in her life to interfere in the decisions she makes about raising her children.
I suspect there are also quite a number of such women in the US and I am sure they are quite happy to avoid (an be avoided by) men who stereotype them as "father hunters".
But why would a guy want to date a single mother who has a devoted father in the picture?
But why would a guy want to date a single mother who has a devoted father in the picture?
Same reason a woman would want to date a single dad with a devoted mom in the picture, which I imagine is more often the case than the other way around. It's because they hit it off and care for each other.
I would venture to say that you don't bring the guy around til you think he's a total keeper, not just some number like 6 months.....
I love how women with kids rationalize things, anything to justify their own particular actions, I was raised by a single mother, my dad was around, but not all that much, at least when I was young. My parents split when I was a baby, my mom had lots of men coming in and out of her life, way way too much drama, I know this deal from both sides, being raised by a single mother and being a grown man and having been with single women.
I think that single women shouldn't have lots of men in and out of their lives, it makes it harder on the kids, they don't wanna hear this but it's the truth.
YOU DON'T BRING THEM AROUND TIL THE GUY IS GONNA STAY.
Period.
JMHO of course.
Firstly, sorry it's taken so long to respond back... I was on a three day... vacation of sorts lol
What I meant by 6 months, is usually around that time period a NORMAL person can usually tell if that person is gonna stick around or not. Of course I wouldn't bring some random dude around my kid unless I knew he was going to stay! What kind of mother do you think I am?
But let's be 100% honest here too, it's not only a transition for myself and my son, it's a hell of a transition for the guy as well, and he needs to be introducted to that element of the relationship when I'm positive that he can handle it, and isn't going to run off. The last thing I want is for my child to get hurt out of the deal.
So I figured that the whole "see if he's actually serious about a relationship" would go without saying seeing how I said I would wait until it's at least 6 months in. Apparently I needed to specify this for some...
Single parents are just like you, except they have a child. Abnormal dating? Why is a single parent "abnormal" to you? In some cases, it just didn't work out with the other parent. So what, they should just suck it up, stay unhappy and unfulfilled because they have a child? Because that's exactly how remarks like this come across to single parents. I would figure we're human too and have the right to be happy as well.
What's wrong with a generalization? Finding things to be generally a certain way does not mean that generalization is bad or wrong. It is not about neglecting the children it is about order - pecking order in the family unit. If you are an animal living in the wild then as a mother you put the offspring first- They are the priority to ensure survival of the species.
So often you hear a woman stand up and proudly proclaim "My kids come first" - usually these types do not have strong relationships with men- if they do it is superficial - financial and just sexual. Some men are the same. Putting your kids first does make for a wonderful parent- a wonderful single parent.
You are not an animal but a social creature belonging to organized society...The parents - husband and wife must have total loyalty to each other in order to create a powerful united force- a force that can not be breached by the state- social fluxing of values...or by money - abundance or lack of it. If a parent looks upon the spouse as secondary to the children- the children will play one parent against the other...and you have disorder.
Imagine if a father looked upon the mother or his children strictly as a vessel of reproduction...as a secondary entity...and his son or daughter was of more importance- That would make the woman someone with no real rights within the family unit. In the alternative if the wife put her son and daughter above above the husband...that would render the male to a position of provider and nothing more- He would have no authority within the house hold unless he pays for it.
Single parents who are divorced have made mistakes...single mothers have been trained recently that a father is not relevant...If a male becomes involved with a single mother...the chances of a strong and real union taking place - one of mutual respect and co-operation are slight. It becomes a union of convenience.
It could be my old Orthodox Christian up bringing....My mother would say.."There is nothing above above parents - not the government- not friends- but only God...below us - meaning the mother and father--there is you...below you are the animals such as the family pets...below them are the wild things - and right down to bacteria- It was an ORDER....and ancient one.
Today a single mother looks at a "boy friend" as being on the same level as her child- and slightly less...The child would come first and the state is doing the husbandry or she views her employer in a sense as the husband...There is just no class structure in these kinds of relationships...When there are difficulties - the female can just jettison the "boy friend" and replace them with the next fool who will sell his dignity for sex.
Loyalty is royalty. You either behave like a king and queen - with your princes and princesses in control - or you behave like peasants where a child of no experience has power over the household. A man and woman united will never be poor- and will always have respect in society..and the children will do well because they learn from example how to set up their own little empire in the future..
This is actually a conservative way of doing things- More liberal freedoms do not guarantee freedom..You can be told that you are free.....but you are not- Besides the kids love it when they see parents united and strong IT MAKES THEM FEEL SAFE...and with safety they thrive.
This was quite the long post to read... so I'm going off memory of reading it yesterday.
I'm gonna PM my response to you though because it's full of stuff about me that I don't feel like sharing with everyone but will answer your questions to me.
Last edited by SingleMommy1087; 08-01-2012 at 06:59 AM..
Single parents are just like you, except they have a child. Abnormal dating? Why is a single parent "abnormal" to you? In some cases, it just didn't work out with the other parent. So what, they should just suck it up, stay unhappy and unfulfilled because they have a child? Because that's exactly how remarks like this come across to single parents. I would figure we're human too and have the right to be happy as well.
That's too simplistic. The "except they have a child" is a VERY big exception, IMO. I wouldn't call it abnormal, but I wouldn't say that a parent was "just like" a childless person. You are talking two totally different lifestyles here.
And your post sounds like a single parent needs a relationship to be happy, which comes across as desperate. Again, only my opinion.
Edited to add: Check out the "Teenaged stepdaughter issues thread." If that isn't a deterrent to dating a person with kids, I don't what is.
Last edited by mochamajesty; 08-01-2012 at 07:34 AM..
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