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First off, thanks a lot for taking the time to provide your feedback. This is very much appreciated, and that goes to everyone on this thread!
To answer your Q, I think you're right, I probably did get too intrusive with my questions. I asked her if the Dr. gave her an ultrasound and when she said yes I said that 3 weeks was too early and doctors wouldn't typically give an ultrasound this early. That probably stoked the fire. I also asked which Dr. she went to. That was pretty much it, but I think she must have assumed I was questioning the validity of her words. I also said that I would want to get a paternity test because I don't believe it is mine. I think this also offended her because she said she is sure it is mine because she's not some prostitute like I insinuated. Not what I was insinuating at all, but for some reason she expects me to take her at face value and was offended that I would suggest it could be someone else's, because she previously told me I was the only possible father. Ughh!
She can't nail you for child support without proof. I don't know about the legality about putting down some (almost-) random guy's name on the birth certificate. You should ask a lawyer about that. Again, you may be able to get some free legal advice over the phone. I've done it before. People can be remarkably forthcoming and helpful.
"When you are preparing for a 3 week ultrasound, you should not get your hopes up to see anything spectacular. The chances of you actually seeing anything at all are very slim. You will likely not be able to see anything, other than a small speck on the screen. The main purpose of a 3 week ultrasound is to ensure that you are able to find out if you are, in fact, pregnant."
"You will not be able to make out much of the baby even then, other than the heartbeat."
It's great that so many people have lent their opinions and advice. But the volume of advice has me a little torn. I am on the fence between cutting off all communication with her until 9 months from now. And on the other hand asking if I can go along with her to her next Dr. apt to hear from the horse's mouth that she is in fact pregnant and when the estimated date of conception was. Waiting 9 months and not knowing sounds horrible. I'd rather know sooner one way or another if she is in fact pregnant. If she is and the timing is right, then I'd wait until 9 months and get a DNA test. Although perhaps zero communication is a better route to take. Really can't decide. I kind of want to ask her for more info about what the Dr said, etc. to see if I can gauge if she is lying or telling me the truth...
She didn't mention seeing a heartbeat on the sonogram. She wouldn't be able to see a heartbeat yet, correct? We were only together three weeks ago.
She probably wouldn't be able to see a heartbeat yet- but remember, although you were together 3 weeks ago - medically she is considered to be around 5 weeks pregnant. I was just wondering if she had mentioned a heartbeat - because that is usually why they give the sonogram at around 7 or 8 weeks. But that may be just my OBGYN.
Going by the AJsMOM post above, it's possible there was a speck of evidence with an ultrasound (if anything she's saying is true). That doesn't mean the speck was formed from YOUR DNA. Even if you go with her to the doc, the doc won't be able to tell you anything re: paternity. They don't usually estimate the date of conception, either, and even if he did, that wouldn't exclude the possibility of her being with a guy a night or two (or a week) before you saw her. There is no way to know anything for sure until 9 months from now.
So, with that in mind, maybe your best move is to tell her (if she contacts you again. Do not initiate contact!) to leave you alone until she has a DNA test for the baby.
I don't know what would be best, but I'd want to keep talking just to get more information from her and try to keep things friendly. If she is pregnant and the baby is not yours, she'll eventually slip up and maybe provide you with proof. If the baby is yours, then you'll end up having to communicate with her later anyway, so it might be better not to antagonize her now. I'd give her the idea you're open to meeting with her, but put it off for a long time.
It's great that so many people have lent their opinions and advice. But the volume of advice has me a little torn. I am on the fence between cutting off all communication with her until 9 months from now. And on the other hand asking if I can go along with her to her next Dr. apt to hear from the horse's mouth that she is in fact pregnant and when the estimated date of conception was. Waiting 9 months and not knowing sounds horrible. I'd rather know sooner one way or another if she is in fact pregnant. If she is and the timing is right, then I'd wait until 9 months and get a DNA test. Although perhaps zero communication is a better route to take. Really can't decide. I kind of want to ask her for more info about what the Dr said, etc. to see if I can gauge if she is lying or telling me the truth...
At the moment, I think your main concern is confirming the pregnancy. Therefore, I stick to my original advice about making it seem like your interested (after all, it's "your baby" right?) and asking to tag along with her to her next Dr's appointment. If she is, all you can do from there on out until the baby is born is wait. Which sucks, but there's not much else you can do.
At the moment, I think your main concern is confirming the pregnancy.
To confirm the pregnancy, couldn't he ask her to mail him a copy of the (alleged) ultrasound report? If she balks, that's good grounds for suspicion that it's all fake.
It's great that so many people have lent their opinions and advice. But the volume of advice has me a little torn. I am on the fence between cutting off all communication with her until 9 months from now. And on the other hand asking if I can go along with her to her next Dr. apt to hear from the horse's mouth that she is in fact pregnant and when the estimated date of conception was. Waiting 9 months and not knowing sounds horrible. I'd rather know sooner one way or another if she is in fact pregnant. If she is and the timing is right, then I'd wait until 9 months and get a DNA test. Although perhaps zero communication is a better route to take. Really can't decide. I kind of want to ask her for more info about what the Dr said, etc. to see if I can gauge if she is lying or telling me the truth...
I wouldn't want to sit in dread for the next nine months either. You could call her and say, "I'm sorry for the way our earlier conversation went. This is has been a shock for both of us and I really do not know what to expect." (True statements, right?) "Can you tell me anything about ... ?"
Somebody earlier said that accusing her of trying to trap you or extort money out of you would put her on the defensive. I agree. If she is telling the truth, you won't have burned any bridges, and if she's lying she'll disappear or claim she had a miscarriage.
To confirm the pregnancy, couldn't he ask her to mail him a copy of the (alleged) ultrasound report? If she balks, that's good grounds for suspicion that it's all fake.
That too. Or a Dr's note.
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