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You do realize (as far as I am aware) that she has zero proof that he took a video of her. If she does find out, then I said feel free to break up with him.
And yes mature couples talk about their issues, not break up over the smallest things.
Every time? Camera, not phone? That doesn't sound like this topic. If she did, I would ask her to cut it out and she would.
In all likelihood, no one will pay you for your home made porn.
I know more about maturity and talking with one's spouse about everything than you could ever imagine.
The difference is that I trust my spouse and not one time in any of my relationships has someone been distracted by their phone or had a video or a camera within reach or even in the same room during intimate moments.
I have serious doubts you truly understand what a real long term relationship is. Once the initial phase is over and the reality of day to day living sets in those "little" things can and do turn into "big" things no matter how many times you "discuss" it issue.
When the "big" thing happens to be TRUST..........time to walk away and not look back because loss of trust is NOT a little thing.
By the way, when the trust has already been broken there is no need for tangible proof because the trust is still gone and everything in the future will be suspect. Another bit of information learned from a long term relationship.
Well this is an example where I think a little "snooping" is warranted because not only are you trying to find out the positive truth but to prevent further damages. You need to play it cool and not say any more about it. Try to take notice of what his phone password is and then when he's asleep get into his phone. Check all the photo albums. Look for custom folders. Check the Sent folder of his email accounts to see if he emailed it. Check recent texts to see if he texted it.
I was actually thinking the same thing.
I'm gonna pretend everything's fine, like nothing ever happened and I trust his word about the videos not existing, and when I get a chance to take a look at his phone (which is not gonna be easy since he's carrying it around with him 24/7...he even takes it to the bathroom sometimes...even more suspicious, I know. Even before the whole video thing.) he does leave it in the room sometimes, and luckily I already know his password, so when I get the chance I'll look through his album and messages...If I DO find something, I'll put the phone away (without deleting the video) , wait for him to return and then tell him (pretending I don't know a thing) that I'm still worried about the video thing and ask him to show me his albums or else I'm calling a cab and he'll never see me again.
If he shows me (when I already know the videos are there), I tell him to delete it and after he's done that I throw it in his face and walk away.
If he DOESN'T show me still denying it (even after I know they're there) I still walk away. And he can post them wherever he wants...I was planning on moving to the North Pole anyway :/
I was also thinking maybe I should send a copy of it to MYSELF...this way there's a chance I might even sue him...
Confronting without any evidence is pointless...
How in the world does the OP know that he doesn't put the videos on his computer or a web site?
I know because he's not really a computer type...(and that's an understatement.)
I mean he barely knows how to use a computer, or sign up to a site let alone open one...
He doesn't even own a computer, he had to ask ME for help placing an ad to sell his car using his mom's computer.
So yeah I'm pretty sure the only way he could of shown it to anybody is either directly from his phone, or by sending it with a text...(also from his phone).
I can control the damage if I delete it from his phone, even though of course I won't be able to delete it from the memory of the people he had shown it to directly...but let's just say that a few of his buddies seeing it is a lot less bad than it being all over the net. (even though of course if I actually get proof even ONE person besides him has seen it, he's gonna be flying out the window together with his phone...)
sounds like an opening scene of law & order- and he has a porn site going..
look at his puter where he would/might have downloaded it,,see if its there..
Too bad life's not a TV series though :P If it WAS law&order, at least I'd know he'd be sitting in Jail in the end of the episode...
& I'm pretty sure he doesn't have a porn site (since he can barely use a computer).
But I am planning to look through his phone...
This. And also: Lilac's post. It doesn't matter if you're wrong about him taking a photo of you. The fact is he's not into you. He's not even that into sex with you. Why would you want to commit to someone who isn't into you? If he says he loves you, he's lying, and he's faking being in love. I saw a guy do that once, with a woman he'd married to get his residency visa. She was starry-eyed about him, but he was just going through the motions, saying what she wanted to hear, but his heart wasn't in it, it was obvious to anyone who wasn't starry-eyed about him.
You're getting really good advice on this thread, OP. I strongly suggest you take it, and dump the jerk.
How come everybody thinks it's so god damn easy to just "dump the jerk"?
If any of you have ever been in a relationship (especially a long one) you should probably know how it's not so simple to just "dump" the person you've spend the past 2 years with, being in his house, going on vacations, having him by your side all the time and building a future together...
I mean, we're not talking about a guy I met at a bar yesterday and had a one night stand with...
If that was the case , A. I'd never allow him to get near his phone. And B. if he did...he'd be learning how to fly when I throw him out the window.
We broke up once before and I spend those few weeks crying my eyes out and wanting to kill myself, I don't know what about you guys but I really don't feel like doing that again. Especially since I don't have any proof.
How do you all people know she is not just being paranoid? Don't follow advice from city data, they advice you to break up for the smallest thing. If it was up to them we would all be single now.
First off, was the phone even pointed towards you. That would be a very strange position to put a phone, and you should notice. Also, you could just check his video folder. If both of the above are negative, then try to relax a little bit more. He likely didn't film you.
Imagine if you are wrong. How would it feel like for him if you just broke up. If you can prove you are right, then feel free to break up with him.
Finally, a reasonable person.
I get how easy it is to tell other people to just break it off, but I wonder if they would follow their own advice if THEY were on the other side of this post.
If they would just throw away 2 years and the person they really love and wanted to have a future with, when they had no evidence...
Hmm...I think it was pointed towards me...I mean he was lying on his back and holding his phone right in front of his face, and I was right on the other side of his phone.
That's the reason I found it suspicious in the first place...the few other times he took his phone out during times like that he usually held it by his side and not in front of his face...
And I am going to check his video folder...as soon as I get the chance.
What you wrote in the bold part was EXACTLY what I'm thinking.
That's why despite the 1,000 other posters on here that are telling me to dump him, I'm not gonna do that unless I have proof.
We broke up once before and I spend those few weeks crying my eyes out and wanting to kill myself, I don't know what about you guys but I really don't feel like doing that again. Especially since I don't have any proof.
Video/no video = irrelevant! He plays with his phone while you're giving him oral sex! NOBODY DOES THAT! It's not normal. It means he's not all that into you.
Do a little experiment. In the future, for all sexual encounters for, say, the next 2 weeks, make sure his phone is in the next room before you begin anything. Check his pants pockets, etc., and place the phone in another room, or in a drawer. See what happens.
If he had asked to take a video would you have allowed it?
Hmm, no.
But in that case I'd at least know that I should be careful.
It would be like a warning...
Besides, if he DID ask me, and still took it secretly I think I would be a lot calmer about it...
Because if he asked I'd know he wanted it for HIMSELF. Because he took it secretly, without asking and denied it a 1000 times that was my red flag, that's what made me think he's gonna show it to others...
Video/no video = irrelevant! He plays with his phone while you're giving him oral sex! NOBODY DOES THAT! It's not normal. It means he's not all that into you.
Do a little experiment. In the future, for all sexual encounters for, say, the next 2 weeks, make sure his phone is in the next room before you begin anything. Check his pants pockets, etc., and place the phone in another room, or in a drawer. See what happens.
I get that it's not right...but if he's not that into me why the hell has he spend the last 2 years with me?
Why did he offer to take me on a vacation abroad and move in with him next month?
I did consider the possibility I'm his booty call but would you offer your booty call to move in to your family house? I don't think so.
And yeah I'll do that experiment.
Ugh...guess you only learn after get burned.
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