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And men will? MOST people won't date someone they don't find attractive. Do you actively seek out people to date seriously who you are not at all attracted to?
The main point here is that men find a large variety of women attractive or at least attractive enough such that they'd be willing to pursue a relationship with. The same is obviously not true for women.
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Originally Posted by JetJockey
With the man I'm currently with, I didn't find him attractive per his pictures but he was very charming and I really loved our message banter through the online dating site. I'm glad I did end up going out with him because he's pretty awesome. My story is not unique either.
Please don't say it isn't unique. It is quite accepted that for the vast majority of women on dating sites, the probability that they will reply to your message is only proportional to how good looking you are as a male. There have been countless social experiments where the same exact profile and messages sent out of a very good looking guy vs an average looking guy, and the results were wildly different to the point where the average guy received 1 message back for every 100 sent (which were mostly rejections), while the good looking guy received a response for every 2 messages sent out and nearly all of them were looking to set up a date.
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Originally Posted by JetJockey
About 90% of the messages I received were 'hey baby, wuts up' or 'hey sexy wut r u doin 2nite?'. Not exactly conducive to starting a good, long term, respectful relationship. So yeah, many women DO receive more messages, but from my experience (and many other women's) the vast majority of messages aren't worth replying to.
I'd wager the farm that if it was an exceptionally good looking guy (i.e in the top 20%), you and those other women would be looking to set up a date as soon as possible. Nothing wrong with that, of course, but please be honest with us here. I know it, you know it, and most everyone here who doesn't live in a delusional fantasy world knows it.
I did online dating on and off for years and every time this topic rears its head (and it ALWAYS does)I mention my experiences, which are really the extreme of both. When I was in my 20's I got hundreds of messages from all types of men, many of which were definitely in the bottom 20% of men. Many of these bottom 20% were not contacting other women, instead trying for me and yes at that point I would be in the top considering I was pretty. Contrast this with my last time doing online. Sure I still got many contacts but far more men in the bottom 20% than the top 20%. I contacted several in the middle (where I concentrated)and most sent me a thanks but no thanks or just ignored.
This means one of two things: either I am delusional about what I can get or men are. In my case, I was going after men at my level or even slightly below looks wise who has my morals. I wasn't seeking out the most handsome men around my age. However for the most part the men seeking me out online were not men I would ever date. Simply put I am not interested in dating a 400 pound man who never bathes, or someone who writes like ru2? or has several baby mamas or someone who is my dad's age (and looks it).
The main point here is that men find a large variety of women attractive or at least attractive enough such that they'd be willing to pursue a relationship with. The same is obviously not true for women.
Hahaha, you're kidding right? No, those guys go after the hot women for relationships, they message the less attractive women for hookups. They find them attractive enough to bang in secret until a woman that is socially acceptable to introduce to their friends comes along.
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Please don't say it isn't unique. It is quite accepted that for the vast majority of women on dating sites, the probability that they will reply to your message is only proportional to how good looking you are as a male. There have been countless social experiments where the same exact profile and messages sent out of a very good looking guy vs an average looking guy, and the results were wildly different to the point where the average guy received 1 message back for every 100 sent (which were mostly rejections), while the good looking guy received a response for every 2 messages sent out and nearly all of them were looking to set up a date.
Yeah, I when I did a 'social experiment' where I wore a low cut shirt exposing lots of cleavage I received HUNDREDS of messages. Wooo, dudes love big boobs! Doesn't mean any of the guys were messaging me for a relationship or even because they liked me...actually, I can guarantee that's true because 99.9% of them never even read my profile. They saw boobs and cleavage so they messaged.
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I'd wager the farm that if it was an exceptionally good looking guy (i.e in the top 20%), you and those other women would be looking to set up a date as soon as possible. Nothing wrong with that, of course, but please be honest with us here. I know it, you know it, and most everyone here who doesn't live in a delusional fantasy world knows it.
Nope, I got a few messages from dudes that looked like Thor.... they were either jerks doing 'social experiments' or guys that wanted a quick hook up and thought that messaging an ugly girl would entitle them to easy pity sex. I ignored them.
Hahaha, you're kidding right? No, those guys go after the hot women for relationships, they message the less attractive women for hookups. They find them attractive enough to bang in secret until a woman that is socially acceptable to introduce to their friends comes along.
Again, you completely missed the point. What is objectively hot in terms of woman is a subset of a much larger set of women that a given man finds attractive. I myself have found women to be attractive who would objectively be considered ugly, and many other men have as well. In fact, one of the most common couples I see on the streets is good looking man and unattractive woman. For women, the set equals or approximates the subset. That is to say, the only men women find attractive for the most part are the objectively attractive men. Of course, there are exceptions, but exceptions do not invalidate the rule. Also, men don't care as much about what their friends think about their mate. That's what women do, and hence, you're projecting.
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Originally Posted by JetJockey
Yeah, I when I did a 'social experiment' where I wore a low cut shirt exposing lots of cleavage I received HUNDREDS of messages. Wooo, dudes love big boobs! Doesn't mean any of the guys were messaging me for a relationship or even because they liked me...actually, I can guarantee that's true because 99.9% of them never even read my profile. They saw boobs and cleavage so they messaged.
What point are you trying to make here, exactly? Obviously you're going to get a lot more messages if you're dressed more revealingly than if you were dressed more conservatively. The former suggests you might be looking for a fling, while the latter suggests you would want a long-term relationship. I am not disputing any of that and I fail to see how this counters my point.
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Originally Posted by JetJockey
Nope, I got a few messages from dudes that looked like Thor.... they were either jerks doing 'social experiments' or guys that wanted a quick hook up and thought that messaging an ugly girl would entitle them to easy pity sex. I ignored them.
It sounds to me you have a very poor self esteem. Most unattractive women with healthy self esteem would jump at the chance of getting with and potentially dating a good looking men, just like average and attractive women would. Again, you might be the exception and the results to the number of social experiments I mentioned earlier speak for itself. Women will accept no less than a man who is in the top 20% in terms of looks.
Again, you completely missed the point. What is objectively hot in terms of woman is a subset of a much larger set of women that a given man finds attractive. I myself have found women to be attractive who would objectively be considered ugly, and many other men have as well. In fact, one of the most common couples I see on the streets is good looking man and unattractive woman. For women, the set equals or approximates the subset. That is to say, the only men women find attractive for the most part are the objectively attractive men. Of course, there are exceptions, but exceptions do not invalidate the rule. Also, men don't care as much about what their friends think about their mate. That's what women do, and hence, you're projecting.
And I think you're projecting, because I *rarely* see good looking men with unattractive women. I'm talking, almost NEVER. I do, however, see plenty of good looking women with average to below average men. So, perhaps we're both just seeing what we want to see. I find plenty of different types of men attractive... so do most of my friends. My sister is pretty much ONLY attracted to overweight redheaded men...I haven't seen her date a guy who wasn't overweight and had red/blondeish red hair in probably 10 years.
And the bolded is a huge pile of bull manure. I've BEEN the woman a guy won't introduce to friends because she isn't hot enough and he's afraid he'll get made fun of. I've been that woman several times and so have a few of my friends. I've also had plenty of guy friends who had 'secret FWB/girlfriends' that they would never introduce to anyone.
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What point are you trying to make here, exactly? Obviously you're going to get a lot more messages if you're dressed more revealingly than if you were dressed more conservatively. The former suggests you might be looking for a fling, while the latter suggests you would want a long-term relationship. I am not disputing any of that and I fail to see how this counters my point.
It sounds to me you have a very poor self esteem. Most unattractive women with healthy self esteem would jump at the chance of getting with and potentially dating a good looking men, just like average and attractive women would. Again, you might be the exception and the results to the number of social experiments I mentioned earlier speak for itself. Women will accept no less than a man who is in the top 20% in terms of looks.
Nope, I just know that good looking men messaging average to below average men are 99.9% of the time looking for easy sex or it's a fake account. I don't need to 'get with' some hot guy to prove my social worth and I'm looking for something long term, not a hook up.
Oh, those fussy women, daring to be attracted to attractive men and not finding beer guts, ball caps, and jeans and t-shirts--the classic American outfit--to be attractive. Let's be honest here: I did online dating, and well over half of the men I saw on there fit that description.
If you guys want to get women to look at your profile, have a woman dress you and take your photo for it. Because honestly? A lot of you just don't know how to present yourselves. We gals do, because it has been hammered into our heads from Day One.
Well it would help if women did not just look at the outside, like how someone dresses. I would figure that's fairly minute as opposed to what's on the inside. What's wrong with jeans and a t-shirt? I understand the beer-belly or even too skinny deal, but I know in my case wearing casual clothes are more comfortable, dressing up seems so forced and I don't feel in my element. Girls love dressing up, because they don't have to sweat through their tight clothes (wearing looser dresses and skirts).
Well it would help if women did not just look at the outside, like how someone dresses. I would figure that's fairly minute as opposed to what's on the inside. What's wrong with jeans and a t-shirt? I understand the beer-belly or even too skinny deal, but I know in my case wearing casual clothes are more comfortable, dressing up seems so forced and I don't feel in my element. Girls love dressing up, because they don't have to sweat through their tight clothes (wearing looser dresses and skirts).
Because slobs are disgusting and could change but don't. Sorry, but not interested in a man who never bathes or never wears clean clothes. He could be the best guy ever but with poor hygiene it makes him repulsive.
Nah, women that are realistic know what they can achieve same for men.
And women can achieve a few points above themselves while the best men can achieve is a few points below themselves.
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wut r u doin 2nite?'. Not exactly conducive to starting a good, long term, respectful relationship. So yeah, many women DO receive more messages, but from my experience (and many other women's) the vast majority of messages aren't worth replying to.
