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One of the runners up? I casually date all the time. That is what casually dating is - I see and do what I want with whomever I want. Once a man and I decide we want to pursue something more serious, I have a discussion with them and we agree to only see each other. Until then, I assume men I date are also probably dating other women. And yeah, I am quite fine with that.
That's fine (again). But the OP's gal was apparently developing a long term relationship with him. That was her goal. She specifically deceived him, giving him to believe that 'she was not like that' (whatever that is supposed to mean) and made him wait two months while she was merrily sexing some other dude that she met after she decided OP was going to be her BF. Note the time lines. OP starts dating girl. Girl tells him she 'is not like that' and he has to wait. Girl meets a dude and starts sexing with him. Maybe she gets hot and horny from being with intended new BF and needs some release? Six months later, her by then boyfriend finds out she had this FB (maybe still had?) and he gets pissed!
If a woman did that to me I would be pissed too. I can understand if the OP was holding out with sex. Then she would have every right to get it elsewhere. Guys do that to women too. Especially when they want to hold out until the wedding night.
Well, so the OP downgrades her from GF to FWB and decides to date other women - without telling her, which is reasonable since she didn't tell him what she was doing so he owes her nothing.
I still don't get why he was not suspicious about her ability to hold out. Apparently she was into him, in which case there's no way she could have held out for two months without some other outlet. Why did he not just think she wasn't into him and stop dating her? Maybe it was obvious that she was into him so why did he not see that something was amiss? Just wondering.
The OP's mistake was assuming they were exclusive because he bought into the 'I'm not that kind of girl' comment. Her mistake was starting the FWB in the first place if she was wanting to get serious with this guy.
If they ask - and often they don't - I tell them I'm dating...if I'm dating anyone. FWB don't really come up, and I don't bring it up with someone I've just started to date because it's none of his business. The only reason "I'm dating around" comes up is because there's always a chance one of the guys I'm dating might become something serious eventually, which my date should know.
I don't know how old you are, and where you live, but in the coastal areas where I live, and in my age range (mid-late 30s), this is common. This is what dating is. In fact I've frequently compared Tinder and OLD stories with my dates while on our dates. The way some people on here proceed with dating is as if every person you go on a date with is gf/bf/exclusive SO from the get-go; that is a lot of pressure to put on each and every date.
LOL. So if the guy you are dating sees you with your FWB what would he think?
I am 33 and have lived in NYC since i was 6. That is what dating is to some people not all. I have a feeling if you were to advise the guy that you are dating that you have FWBs on the side they would either no longer speak to you or just request a FWB relationship with you.
No, we expect them to at least be SINGLE or honest about their status. The girl was not honest with OP about her status and that is the issue. The way some people on here proceed with dating is as if every person you go on a date with if/bf/exclusive SO from the get-go; that is a lot of pressure to put on each and every date.
She did nothing wrong, IMO. Unless you're explicitly exclusive, I would expect someone I'm dating to possibly be dating others - and that would include a FWB. Once we start having sex, though, I'd expect her to stop/have stopped dating and/or having sex with anyone else (unless we explicitly agree otherwise).
I think she saw potential in the OP, so was taking it slow until that potential was confirmed. It's easier to go slow (and keep sex out of it, as it can confuse the decision) if you're getting it elsewhere. Besides, if things didn't work out with OP, she'd still have the FWB. Why give up a known for an unknown, until the unknown becomes well-enough known to take that risk? I'd do the same, and have. Besides, the OP - even if a great guy in all ways - could be a real dud in bed, and she might choose to dump him after having sex with him the first time, despite his potential previoulsy. If she'd cut ties to the FWB a lot earlier, she'd have to start all over.
OP could have asked for exclusivity sooner, too. That was an oversight based on a naive assumption on his part.
She did nothing wrong, IMO. Unless you're explicitly exclusive, I would expect someone I'm dating to possibly be dating others - and that would include a FWB. Once we start having sex, though, I'd expect her to stop/have stopped dating and/or having sex with anyone else (unless we explicitly agree otherwise).
I think she saw potential in the OP, so was taking it slow until that potential was confirmed. It's easier to go slow (and keep sex out of it, as it can confuse the decision) if you're getting it elsewhere. Besides, if things didn't work out with OP, she'd still have the FWB. Why give up a known for an unknown, until the unknown becomes well-enough known to take that risk? I'd do the same, and have. Besides, the OP - even if a great guy in all ways - could be a real dud in bed, and she might choose to dump him after having sex with him the first time, despite his potential previoulsy. If she'd cut ties to the FWB a lot earlier, she'd have to start all over.
OP could have asked for exclusivity sooner, too. That was an oversight based on a naive assumption on his part.
WOuld you also advise the person that you are testing the water that you have a FWB on the side??? So you are ok with her having sex with another guy while dating you and expect her just to quit cold turkey on the other D?
WOuld you also advise the person that you are testing the water that you have a FWB on the side??? So you are ok with her having sex with another guy while dating you and expect her just to quit cold turkey on the other D?
No, I wouldn't tell them unless they asked. It's none of their business at all, but of course I'd immediately discontinue seeing the FWB if I agree to be exclusive with someone. Just as I don't think it's wise to discuss much of anything about past partners, especially numbers and range of activities, other than in very general terms, and probably only for the more serious relationships among them. I would tell the FWB that I might end things with them, though, because I'm dating someone with whom I might become exclusive, because the FWB is an existing relationship where there is a need to know.
She did nothing wrong, IMO. Unless you're explicitly exclusive, I would expect someone I'm dating to possibly be dating others - and that would include a FWB. Once we start having sex, though, I'd expect her to stop/have stopped dating and/or having sex with anyone else (unless we explicitly agree otherwise).
I think she saw potential in the OP, so was taking it slow until that potential was confirmed. It's easier to go slow (and keep sex out of it, as it can confuse the decision) if you're getting it elsewhere. Besides, if things didn't work out with OP, she'd still have the FWB. Why give up a known for an unknown, until the unknown becomes well-enough known to take that risk? I'd do the same, and have. Besides, the OP - even if a great guy in all ways - could be a real dud in bed, and she might choose to dump him after having sex with him the first time, despite his potential previoulsy. If she'd cut ties to the FWB a lot earlier, she'd have to start all over.
OP could have asked for exclusivity sooner, too. That was an oversight based on a naive assumption on his part.
No, that was not a naive assumption. She deceived him by telling him that she 'was not like that' and that she takes it slow. She then found the other guy and started humping him. She lied. She was concealing the fact that she was like that.
And since when does sex cloud the issue? Absence of sex might cloud the issue. Like what he was having.
Oh yeah, she knew that what she was doing was a deal breaker. When he spoke to her about it "she was fearful that she would lose him" and teared up.
I would tell the FWB that I might end things with them, though, because I'm dating someone with whom I might become exclusive, because the FWB is an existing relationship where there is a need to know.
The FWB was not an existing relationship and it is the new person business when an LTR is in the pipeline.
He is going to start having sex with her and he doesn't know about possible STD's. Her medical certificate is not current.
If a woman I am dating has one or more FWBs, I expect her to tell me. Especially if her profile says she is looking for LTR.
No, that was not a naive assumption. She deceived him by telling him that she 'was not like that' and that she takes it slow. She then found the other guy and started humping him. She lied. She was concealing the fact that she was like that.
And since when does sex cloud the issue? Absence of sex might cloud the issue. Like what he was having.
This is an assumption that is pretty unlikely. The most likely scenario is that she had a former boyfriend who morphed into a FWB relationship. She continued to sleep with the guy occasionally while she was first dating the new guy. We know nothing of any “we are exclusive” conversations.
If that’s the scenario, the OP needs to let that male wounded pride thing go. They’re not the only male on the planet and unlikely to be the world’s greatest gift to women.
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Just wondering.
