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LOL. So if the guy you are dating sees you with your FWB what would he think?
I am 33 and have lived in NYC since i was 6. That is what dating is to some people not all. I have a feeling if you were to advise the guy that you are dating that you have FWBs on the side they would either no longer speak to you or just request a FWB relationship with you.
No, we expect them to at least be SINGLE or honest about their status. The girl was not honest with OP about her status and that is the issue. The way some people on here proceed with dating is as if every person you go on a date with if/bf/exclusive SO from the get-go; that is a lot of pressure to put on each and every date.
I'm in the boat that assumptions shouldn't be made... only expectations and boundaries set by communication.
The times I've been hurt was when I made assumptions and wasn't truth to myself (and others).
And no... saying "was not like that" or "i like to take it slow" doesn't translate to being exclusive.
You're forgetting that she told the OP that and proceeded to make him wait two months. After telling him that, she went and found someone to have sex with, while OP was being kept waiting.
See the deceit? The lie?
She did this to conceal that she was in fact 'like that' but wanted him for a LTR. Nice way to treat someone you have feelings for and think is 'special'. She was telling him he was special. Had he been withholding sex from her then it would be his own fault, her getting it somewhere else.
Half the posts say she already had the FWB before she started up with the hopeful.
The other half say she started a new FWB after she met the hopeful.
Which is it?
Half the posts say she already had the FWB before she started up with the hopeful.
The other half say she started a new FWB after she met the hopeful.
Which is it?
IMO it doesn't matter. OP's business is whether or not she is exclusive with him (yes or no question). If it is a no.. the parameters (when, what, who) of the other relationships is none of his business.
Last edited by usayit; 12-05-2017 at 09:54 AM..
Reason: clarification.
You're forgetting that she told the OP that and proceeded to make him wait two months. After telling him that, she went and found someone to have sex with, while OP was being kept waiting.
The only thing that matters is his "relationship" with her. They author that relationship; type, exclusive, open, when, how fast to proceed etc.... Other "relationships" outside of him/her, is really none of his business unless they allow it or they agree that it is committed/exclusive.
In my past, my FWBs and I moved quick... (but carefully chosen.. only close friends)
However, I moved very slowly with my wife as I know she was relatively inexperienced at the time we met.
Its not deceit... its simply that you treat each relationship individual basis. I generally move slower in a developing relationship with people I desire LTRs with.... because there is more to a relationship to build than simply sex. The criteria for FWBs is much lower... simply friends having fun...
Let me put it this way.
A one night stand occurs over the course of a single night... usually with someone you just met... probably to be never seen again. Do you expect the same out of someone you date with romantic interest?
I'm in the boat that assumptions shouldn't be made... only expectations and boundaries set by communication.
The times I've been hurt was when I made assumptions and wasn't truth to myself (and others).
And no... saying "was not like that" or "i like to take it slow" doesn't translate to being exclusive.
As is usually the case with the most popular threads here, this one stinks a bit. The teases about future meetings and the updates leading to what seemed to be a foregone conclusion have a familiar fragrance. And then the mean spirited response of the OP is certainly sour for different reasons.
But, assuming veracity, while "I like to take it slow" doesn't translate into exclusivity, It means something. I don't think a person-and for the sake of argument let's consider men to be persons-and so I don't think a person is all that out of bounds feeling surprised or a little duped or perhaps let down to learn that someone "taking it slow" is simultaneously taking it hard and fast. Feelings aren't necessarily facts, but then neither are facts.
Given the OP's later posts, I'll admit that what I write next is a generous take on things, but only in light of his later comments. Objectively, the OP made himself vulnerable while the woman he was seeing kept herself safe. That became clear to him in an abrupt and graphic way, and he was hurt. The answer here seems to be "don't be vulnerable". That's useful, wise, and a little sad.
The FWB was not an existing relationship and it is the new person business when an LTR is in the pipeline.
He is going to start having sex with her and he doesn't know about possible STD's. Her medical certificate is not current.
If a woman I am dating has one or more FWBs, I expect her to tell me. Especially if her profile says she is looking for LTR.
I believe it was an existing FWB scenario. Nothing was said to indicate otherwise, as far as I know, and the thread title says she continued a FWB .... That's very clear, IMO. If the OP said otherwise, in what post was it stated? And other/past relationships are not your business unless you either ask, or you've already agreed to exclusivity and there is another relationship going on.
Most people don't bother with STD test "medical certificates," so I doubt that was an issue, either. OP did not state it as a concern - that's your issue, but you may handle such things differently.
If you expect to be told, then you need to state that expectation. Not everyone shares your views, so your expectations are meaningless until communicated.
I believe it was an existing FWB scenario. Nothing was said to indicate otherwise, as far as I know, and the thread title says she continued a FWB .... That's very clear, IMO. If the OP said otherwise, in what post was it stated? And other/past relationships are not your business unless you either ask, or you've already agreed to exclusivity and there is another relationship going on.
Most people don't bother with STD test "medical certificates," so I doubt that was an issue, either. OP did not state it as a concern - that's your issue, but you may handle such things differently.
If you expect to be told, then you need to state that expectation. Not everyone shares your views, so your expectations are meaningless until communicated.
Ok, so you always ask a girl if she has any FWB relationships before and while dating?
Ok, so you always ask a girl if she has any FWB relationships before and while dating?
No, because I really don't care. I also don't ask if she's multi-dating. Again, I don't care, and I approve of multi-dating as an efficient and effective way to meet a great match quickly. Once we decide to be exclusive, that discussion will clearly emphasize that exclusive means not dating or screwing anyone else. If for any reason I DO care, I'd ask. Not that it's really any of my business, and not that she'd have to answer, but I can choose to continue seeing her or not, depending on if, what, and how she answers.
Ok, so you always ask a girl if she has any FWB relationships before and while dating?
Can only speak for myself, but yes.... if the relationship got to that point that I wanted to be exclusive, I would certainly have that discussion rather than assume. Otherwise, I would consider her sex life is none of my business.
I was actually on the other side of that equation a long time ago. I was active with multiple FWBs. She was very inexperienced. She asked, I was honest. We discussed. The end result was that I chose to pursue an exclusive relationship with her and my friends respected our wishes.
If I was dating someone and I felt strong feelings seeing her with someone else in public. Then I think it would be a good time to also have that discussion. Otherwise, keep my feelings in check.
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