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With one, part of it was physical. I'm 5'4" and he was noticeably shorter than me. I was turned off by that, sadly. He was cute otherwise, very polite and gentlemanly, but he also had that brusqueness that some people who grew up on the east coast have (my entire family is like this) so there was kind of a disconnect there. But partway through, I was listening to him talk about something and realized I was bored out of my mind.
With the other it would have almost been like being in an LDR. Again, nice looking guy and we had similar enough interests I felt he'd be fun to hang out with but as conversation went on, I found myself struggling to come up with new things to talk about and again, found myself bored. Afterward, I realized I didn't laugh once and he didn't seem to get my sense of humor and that's a huge part of who I am.
Yeah those make sense. I've had it happen to where a guy and I were bored of chatting with each other. The one guy who said he felt no chemistry struggled to talk to me. Granted, we didn't know each other so who knows what would happen.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jillabean
I did this too on a date I walked out on. We met for drinks and were both still on our first one when he started insulting me. Mild insults, but it was really annoying. Like gnats buzzing around--not enough to hurt, but to annoy. So I put $20 on the table and said goodbye (the $20 covered my drink and his... should have covered a tip too). He was a jerk.
But this is why I like coffee dates for first dates and not meal and such. Typically, on a coffee date, you get your own coffee and sit and talk. No one is spending a lot of time or money on something that might not work out.
I wouldn't have left any money at all. I have walked out of first meetings right away, including seeing the guy lied about himself. I had a guy insult me on a date and I also walked out. Was that the guy who told you that you were too old though he was older?
I mean is FREE so people will put their profile there and they don't care to respond.
I just say "hi" to a 54 year old american lady living in Costa Rica and she went ballistic on me, saying "I'm not sexually enough for her"...Oh my...I'm 43 by the way.
But still you can find every now and then somebody to chat.
Besides that, I prefer Plenty of Fish or POF. But I met better people at Eharmony thing is, there wasn't many prospects in my country. So I close that account.
Sorry, I know very few guys that have much difficulty getting responses or dates. If they did, they wouldn't be on there.
Last couple of times I did OLD I didn't really write anyone, I just responded to people that wrote me, I still had or could have had a date a week. I'm a below average earning (for my area, the vast majority of women I meet and date earn more), very average (if that) looking, bald guy, that doesn't own a car.
Sorry, it isn't the women that are the problem.
IIRC, you once described yourself as a white man who is over 6 feet. If that's the case, that's one of the reasons you have it easier than others. When I did online dating, I sent, on average, 30 meaningful messages a day. These messages weren't too short or long and they each contained something within the profile. Yes, I even wrote to overweight women as I am attracted to them as well. My profile was well-detailed also. However, my rate of return was abysmal. Futhermore, in 5+ years of OLD, I've only received about 4 initial messages from women.
I have a friend who's 6'3". He sends the same exact generic one-sentence to every woman he messages. He changes the message every couple of days. Regardless of this, his response rate is through the roof! He's been on too many dates to count.
Simply put, if we switched bodies, I'm sure you'll notice a VAST difference in your response rate. For reference, look at the "What I'm looking for" section of most of the women's profile on Match. From what I remember (this was back in 2007), out of ALL the profiles I've read, I'd physically only match about 2 of them. Most of them want nothing to do with a black man. If that wasn't a problem, they want nothing to do with a short guy. My point? We aren't all going to have the same experience. What may be easy for you does not come as easily for others.
IIRC, you once described yourself as a white man who is over 6 feet. If that's the case, that's one of the reasons you have it easier than others. When I did online dating, I sent, on average, 30 meaningful messages a day. These messages weren't too short or long and they each contained something within the profile. Yes, I even wrote to overweight women as I am attracted to them as well. My profile was well-detailed also. However, my rate of return was abysmal. Futhermore, in 5+ years of OLD, I've only received about 4 initial messages from women.
I have a friend who's 6'3". He sends the same exact generic one-sentence to every woman he messages. He changes the message every couple of days. Regardless of this, his response rate is through the roof! He's been on too many dates to count.
Simply put, if we switched bodies, I'm sure you'll notice a VAST difference in your response rate. For reference, look at the "What I'm looking for" section of most of the women's profile on Match. From what I remember (this was back in 2007), out of ALL the profiles I've read, I'd physically only match about 2 of them. Most of them want nothing to do with a black man. If that wasn't a problem, they want nothing to do with a short guy. My point? We aren't all going to have the same experience. What may be easy for you does not come as easily for others.
Well said. As a short, non-white male, I've had much the same experience. After having dallied in OLD over the last decade with basically no success, I'm coming around to accepting that most OLD sites (and their offshoots such as Tinder and other apps) have a deep, dark secret: they're geared towards white people and those that love them. I don't like lying about anything but as an experiment I did try to change my height to 5'10" to see if it would garner additional attention, but to no avail. I couldn't lie about my race obviously, but I did have a friend of mine who switched out his pics with those of a white friend and all of a sudden, his profile started getting alot more attention. Sadly, it wasn't just white women responding, but even the non-white women seemed significantly more responsive.
OKTrends has revealed that black women have similarly dismal success on there, and it sucks. I think as a society we still have a very long way to go before people of non-white races also come to be seen as no less attractive than whites.
Well said. As a short, non-white male, I've had much the same experience. After having dallied in OLD over the last decade with basically no success, I'm coming around to accepting that most OLD sites (and their offshoots such as Tinder and other apps) have a deep, dark secret: they're geared towards white people and those that love them. I don't like lying about anything but as an experiment I did try to change my height to 5'10" to see if it would garner additional attention, but to no avail. I couldn't lie about my race obviously, but I did have a friend of mine who switched out his pics with those of a white friend and all of a sudden, his profile started getting alot more attention. Sadly, it wasn't just white women responding, but even the non-white women seemed significantly more responsive.
OKTrends has revealed that black women have similarly dismal success on there, and it sucks. I think as a society we still have a very long way to go before people of non-white races also come to be seen as no less attractive than whites.
To be fair, they do have plenty of sites (usually paid) catered to all types of people of color. However, it's just the way of the world that Caucasians are generally viewed as more attractive. This is exactly why some members here can't compare their experiences to guys like us.
I wouldn't have left any money at all. I have walked out of first meetings right away, including seeing the guy lied about himself. I had a guy insult me on a date and I also walked out. Was that the guy who told you that you were too old though he was older?
Maybe I shouldn't have left money... but oh well, too late. It was only $20, no biggie. Yes, he was the guy who older than me. He also had other insults too, but the comment that lead to me leaving was, "I am surprised someone your age can even get a date." That was the straw for me... this comment coming from someone OLDER than me who actually asked me on a date (so why was this supposed to be so "surprising"). I had better things to do than sit there and be insulted (it wasn't just that comment, that was just the one that broke the camel's back). I was later told he was using some technique called negging where you are supposed to wear down a woman's ego or something. Not sure how that's supposed to work, just made me think he was a jerk.
To be fair, they do have plenty of sites (usually paid) catered to all types of people of color. However, it's just the way of the world that Caucasians are generally viewed as more attractive. This is exactly why some members here can't compare their experiences to guys like us.
This is true, but it also means we just have to work harder. As a black male, I've even had to work harder in the corporate world to get where I need to be. I don't always like having to work harder; however, it means that I rather work harder than deal with the alternative. I've strictly dated white women, because that was the abundance in my area. I imagine white women are the same way about dating white men. White men are in abundance in my area as well. It's not always about them not wanting to date black men, but they've never been in a situation to give a black man serious thought.
That's one thing I've always heard from white women that dated me. It wasn't that they weren't open to dating a man of color, but that a man of color wasn't really involved in their social circles. All my ex's went on to marry white men; however, it didn't change the fact that they would date a man of color again. In the end, it's just much less effortless for them to find a white man.
In my area, VERY FEW black women do online dating. I'd say for every 1 black woman there's close to 50 white women. More black men online date in my area, but I'd say for every 1 black man there's probably 30 white men. The numbers are just more catered to white on white, while the few more black men available online have less black women to choose from. In the end, you go for what's more abundantly available.
Yes, he was the guy who older than me. He also had other insults too, but the comment that lead to me leaving was, "I am surprised someone your age can even get a date."
Wow. Just wow.
My other experience so far this time around is about 1/2 the men who have contacted me closed their accounts fairly quickly after that. There were a couple who closed their accounts before I had a chance to respond.
My other experience so far this time around is about 1/2 the men who have contacted me closed their accounts fairly quickly after that. There were a couple who closed their accounts before I had a chance to respond.
I know, right. What made it weird was (of course) he had asked me out... so if he thought I was so horrible that I probably couldn't get a date, why did he ask me out? On top of insulting, it made no sense at all.
After I left, he came running after me in the parking lot and tried to give me a kiss.
Gee, maybe he thought I'd turn into a beautiful princess if he kissed this old toad? ROTFL
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