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Maybe I shouldn't have left money... but oh well, too late. It was only $20, no biggie. Yes, he was the guy who older than me. He also had other insults too, but the comment that lead to me leaving was, "I am surprised someone your age can even get a date." That was the straw for me... this comment coming from someone OLDER than me who actually asked me on a date (so why was this supposed to be so "surprising"). I had better things to do than sit there and be insulted (it wasn't just that comment, that was just the one that broke the camel's back). I was later told he was using some technique called negging where you are supposed to wear down a woman's ego or something. Not sure how that's supposed to work, just made me think he was a jerk.
I wonder how his technique is working now. You know this but you dodged a bullet. I did a date like that where this man kept telling me I'd be hot if I did this and that. I just walked out and said don't even try to which he replied he was trying to help. No, he was being an idiot.
This is true, but it also means we just have to work harder. As a black male, I've even had to work harder in the corporate world to get where I need to be. I don't always like having to work harder; however, it means that I rather work harder than deal with the alternative. I've strictly dated white women, because that was the abundance in my area. I imagine white women are the same way about dating white men. White men are in abundance in my area as well. It's not always about them not wanting to date black men, but they've never been in a situation to give a black man serious thought.
That's one thing I've always heard from white women that dated me. It wasn't that they weren't open to dating a man of color, but that a man of color wasn't really involved in their social circles. All my ex's went on to marry white men; however, it didn't change the fact that they would date a man of color again. In the end, it's just much less effortless for them to find a white man.
In my area, VERY FEW black women do online dating. I'd say for every 1 black woman there's close to 50 white women. More black men online date in my area, but I'd say for every 1 black man there's probably 30 white men. The numbers are just more catered to white on white, while the few more black men available online have less black women to choose from. In the end, you go for what's more abundantly available.
From what I've seen on OLD sites which shows the woman's physical preferences (height, body type, ethnicity), majority of women swayed toward Caucasian males. There's no doubt that some women are willing to date men of color, but when majority of racial preference is "Caucasian" over "No Preference", those women are not willing to budge regardless of how many POC are in their area. In fact, there are plenty of studies that show Asian and Black males are of the lowest in the OLD totem pole, that is, they are the least likely to get responses to messages.
I am finding that the guys who email me on dating sites either don't really want to communicate that way, don't have much to say to begin with, are not forthcoming, and/or expect me to do all of the communication work.
There was one guy who I emailed. His profile said that he was not interested in emails or texts. I wrote about how my qualities matched his criteria, explaining that I would like to email a bit to get to know him before passing around my phone number. Never heard back from him. Well, if HE doesn't post his phone #, emailing (or online chatting) is the only way to even contact him. PHFT.
Before all of this started, I was interested in a man who I had emailed for several months because he was hundreds of miles away). Apparently, he didn't hold the same interest. At any rate, he was very easy to "talk" to. I am now hoping and looking for someone who can make communication that easy, fun and effortless.
I have a date with a man, but I'm not too excited about it. We have not met yet. His communication has me wondering more, when in my mind I should have more answers. Am I being unreasonable? When he tells me anything, it is so general that I wonder if he is hiding things from me. For example, he says that he is self-employed. Does that mean he is working a pyramid scheme, freelancing, or owns his own business & it's none of MY business? Another example: He wrote that he was "doing paperwork", but didn't elaborate.
Although he doesn't make it easy to write a conversation, I am giving him the benefit of the doubt, and will see how the date goes. Yes, I'm one of those women who DOES try to give everyone a fair shake.
I am finding that the guys who email me on dating sites either don't really want to communicate that way, don't have much to say to begin with, are not forthcoming, and/or expect me to do all of the communication work.
There was one guy who I emailed. His profile said that he was not interested in emails or texts. I wrote about how my qualities matched his criteria, explaining that I would like to email a bit to get to know him before passing around my phone number. Never heard back from him. Well, if HE doesn't post his phone #, emailing (or online chatting) is the only way to even contact him. PHFT.
Before all of this started, I was interested in a man who I had emailed for several months because he was hundreds of miles away). Apparently, he didn't hold the same interest. At any rate, he was very easy to "talk" to. I am now hoping and looking for someone who can make communication that easy, fun and effortless.
I have a date with a man, but I'm not too excited about it. We have not met yet. His communication has me wondering more, when in my mind I should have more answers. Am I being unreasonable? When he tells me anything, it is so general that I wonder if he is hiding things from me. For example, he says that he is self-employed. Does that mean he is working a pyramid scheme, freelancing, or owns his own business & it's none of MY business? Another example: He wrote that he was "doing paperwork", but didn't elaborate.
Although he doesn't make it easy to write a conversation, I am giving him the benefit of the doubt, and will see how the date goes. Yes, I'm one of those women who DOES try to give everyone a fair shake.
Just be alert and once you get to know him, you'll find out more .
Well, I'm basically done with OLD for now. I've sent out several more messages, and even responded to a few "Hi, how are you?" emails if we had a high match percentage, but it's basically been no luck. I start grad school in a week and it would just be one more online distraction, so I'll be deactivating my profile.
Honestly, I'd rather meet someone in person. I just thought OLD might be an easier way to meet some people since I'm new in town. I agree with most of the sentiment here - a lot of people online are either flakes, or not really interested in an actual relationship (even if they vociferously insist that is so in the profile). It's a sad state of affairs.
Well, I'm basically done with OLD for now. I've sent out several more messages, and even responded to a few "Hi, how are you?" emails if we had a high match percentage, but it's basically been no luck. I start grad school in a week and it would just be one more online distraction, so I'll be deactivating my profile.
Honestly, I'd rather meet someone in person. I just thought OLD might be an easier way to meet some people since I'm new in town. I agree with most of the sentiment here - a lot of people online are either flakes, or not really interested in an actual relationship (even if they vociferously insist that is so in the profile). It's a sad state of affairs.
If you're still in school then why don't you try and meet somebody there? College is probably one of the easiest places to meet people.
I found dating online to be a concentrated version of real life.
Tons of guys I wouldn't go out with, with a few gems. And yes, that excludes the good looking studlets with double digit IQs, guys my age with money and enough baggage to fill a 40 foot container, etc.
I'm not sure why people complain so much about online dating, if you don't like it, don't do it.
Totally agree. I found the mix of guys I wouldn't go out with and the gems pretty consistent on both pay and free sites.
Maybe I shouldn't have left money... but oh well, too late. It was only $20, no biggie. Yes, he was the guy who older than me. He also had other insults too, but the comment that lead to me leaving was, "I am surprised someone your age can even get a date." That was the straw for me... this comment coming from someone OLDER than me who actually asked me on a date (so why was this supposed to be so "surprising"). I had better things to do than sit there and be insulted (it wasn't just that comment, that was just the one that broke the camel's back). I was later told he was using some technique called negging where you are supposed to wear down a woman's ego or something. Not sure how that's supposed to work, just made me think he was a jerk.
The only time I was on a date where somebody was blatantly insulting was with a trust fund dude whose parents had set him up with a small, niche interest publishing house, and he owned and ran a small regional test prep company by age 30. He had some money to burn, and was notably unimpressed by his perception of what my teacher's income probably amounted to. It was a coffee date, and I got there first and paid for myself. When the date concluded, he walked me to my car (a small Kia sedan),which his BMW was parked next to and said, "Oh, I see...the "responsible-mobile.". Douche.
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