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No not at all. If anything I am always building people up. Telling them how great they are, love your shirt, hat, beautiful bike, etc
You really don't have any clue what we're talking about, do you? Expecting someone to jump through a twisted set of hoops and then saying "beautiful bike" doesn't repair the damage from the hoops. If a man willingly jumps through your hoops, you're taking advantage of his mental illness. If you manipulate him into your lair, you're exhibiting your own mental illness.
Don't do those things. You'll feel lost for a while, but that lost feeling might motivate you toward regular humanity.
I think this may be the case. Or just have not found the one that will find me lovable, that I can love in return.
Your definition of love does not match the definition most people would say love is.
Your definition starts with you and your needs first before you begin to consider someone else's needs, if at all.
Most people want to share their love with their partner and will go to great lengths to provide for them what they can, KNOWING their partner will return in kind.
You've made it very clear that this is not what you want.
The statement that you do not wish to have someone you can walk all over flies in the face of the reality, in that this is the very person you attract and desire. Maybe you are just looking at it wrong? Maybe you need someone you can dominate, who can be happy with what you are able to provide, however little, in return. There are people out there who need this type of relationship, so maybe that's where you should focus.
Let's at least agree that a normal, loving relationship is not what you are pursuing, nor is it what you actually want to pursue.
And I think you need to find a different therapist...
And since I have no tolerance for anyone else's dysfunction, they don't last in my life.
Most men would have no tolerance for your dysfunction. The fact that you don't want to change any of it just makes it that more difficult for you to find someone. You must not really want to find someone or you would be willing to work on your own issues instead of just being stubborn about it.
Hotchkiss' seven deadly sins of narcissism[edit]
Hotchkiss identified what she called the seven deadly sins of narcissism:[9]
Shamelessness: Shame is the feeling that lurks beneath all unhealthy narcissism, and the inability to process shame in healthy ways.
Magical thinking: Narcissists see themselves as perfect, using distortion and illusion known as magical thinking. They also use projection to dump shame onto others.
Arrogance: A narcissist who is feeling deflated may reinflate by diminishing, debasing, or degrading somebody else.
Envy: A narcissist may secure a sense of superiority in the face of another person's ability by using contempt to minimize the other person.
Entitlement: Narcissists hold unreasonable expectations of particularly favorable treatment and automatic compliance because they consider themselves special. Failure to comply is considered an attack on their superiority, and the perpetrator is considered an "awkward" or "difficult" person. Defiance of their will is a narcissistic injury that can trigger narcissistic rage.
Exploitation: Can take many forms but always involves the exploitation of others without regard for their feelings or interests. Often the other person is in a subservient position where resistance would be difficult or even impossible. Sometimes the subservience is not so much real as assumed.
Bad boundaries: Narcissists do not recognize that they have boundaries and that others are separate and are not extensions of themselves. Others either exist to meet their needs or may as well not exist at all. Those who provide narcissistic supply to the narcissist are treated as if they are part of the narcissist and are expected to live up to those expectations. In the mind of a narcissist, there is no boundary between self and other.
You really don't have any clue what we're talking about, do you? Expecting someone to jump through a twisted set of hoops and then saying "beautiful bike" doesn't repair the damage from the hoops. If a man willingly jumps through your hoops, you're taking advantage of his mental illness. If you manipulate him into your lair, you're exhibiting your own mental illness.
Don't do those things. You'll feel lost for a while, but that lost feeling might motivate you toward regular humanity.
I mean I compliment everyone in life. Not just people I date. I don't even have to know someone and I will compliment them.
I am probably not good with the compromise part. I tend to just barrel through doing my own thing. I always wanted the guy that fits into my life, not one that I have to turn my life upside down to accommodate.
One of the things I got onto my bf about last night, is that I no longer feel like I have freedom. I can't just stop into the bar on my way home from work for a drink without having to answer to him. I am use to being a free spirit that just does what I want, when I want. I was like that as a teenager also. My mom would call me, asking when I would be home, and sometimes I was at a beach 8-10 hours away. She never knew where I would turn up. I need freedom.
I honestly don't know how that is even possible as a parent, let alone as a single mother with young children . I'm all for taking a night off to cut loose now and then, but once a person takes on grown-up responsibilities, they really don't have the luxury of being a "free spirit" anymore.
Your definition of love does not match the definition most people would say love is.
Your definition starts with you and your needs first before you begin to consider someone else's needs, if at all.
Most people want to share their love with their partner and will go to great lengths to provide for them what they can, KNOWING their partner will return in kind.
You've made it very clear that this is not what you want.
The statement that you do not wish to have someone you can walk all over flies in the face of the reality, in that this is the very person you attract and desire. Maybe you are just looking at it wrong? Maybe you need someone you can dominate, who can be happy with what you are able to provide, however little, in return. There are people out there who need this type of relationship, so maybe that's where you should focus.
Let's at least agree that a normal, loving relationship is not what you are pursuing, nor is it what you actually want to pursue.
And I think you need to find a different therapist...
I never said I did not want love and to love my life partner. I very much do. But I have to be my own person with freedom. Does not mean that I do not enjoy doing things with someone though. I also can't handle relationships that we do nothing together.
You have the opinion I want to dominate. That is not the case. I am exhausted from having to do everything on my own. I would love a man that can make good decisions on my behalf and I could trust them to do so but have not found one that will do so without taking control over every aspect of my life. Which I can't handle. I want to still be in charge of me. Probably comes from living with a controlling, diagnosed narcissist for years. I have a fear of being controlled like that again and won't live that way ever again.
The last two exes I live with for years, only worked. I did everything else. Laundry, landscaping, trash, laundry, kid duties, etc. I also refuse to live like that anymore either.
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. I'm all for taking a night off to cut loose now and then, but once a person takes on grown-up responsibilities, they really don't have the luxury of being a "free spirit" anymore.
