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I honestly don't know how that is even possible as a parent, let alone as a single mother with young children . I'm all for taking a night off to cut loose now and then, but once a person takes on grown-up responsibilities, they really don't have the luxury of being a "free spirit" anymore.
I still try to maintain an active life away from my kids. It seems common amongst those of us that are single with kids. I do not see my friends that are married doing so as much. They socialize more with kids in tow.
You have the opinion I want to dominate. That is not the case. I am exhausted from having to do everything on my own. I would love a man that can make good decisions on my behalf and I could trust them to do so but have not found one that will do so without taking control over every aspect of my life. Which I can't handle. I want to still be in charge of me. Probably comes from living with a controlling, diagnosed narcissist for years. I have a fear of being controlled like that again and won't live that way ever again.
Domination has nothing to do with having to do everything yourself. What it does cover is your need to control someone else without having them control you.
Asking the person you are dating to do chores and get involved with your kids because you are tired and don't want to do that anymore is a form of domination. Before you claim they 'volunteer', keep in mind you do not have to take them up on their offer, but you freely admit you do so. I'm also sure they don't volunteer until they have identified you have a need that needs to be addressed. Whether you express that need directly or not, they are picking up on your signals.
You already dominate your relationships. It may be healthier for you to understand the role have subconsciously chosen and figure out how to make it work for you. It's clear that you are not looking for a partner, as that implies equal standing on both sides.
Your definition of love does not match the definition most people would say love is.
Your definition starts with you and your needs first before you begin to consider someone else's needs, if at all.
Most people want to share their love with their partner and will go to great lengths to provide for them what they can, KNOWING their partner will return in kind.
You've made it very clear that this is not what you want.
The statement that you do not wish to have someone you can walk all over flies in the face of the reality, in that this is the very person you attract and desire. Maybe you are just looking at it wrong? Maybe you need someone you can dominate, who can be happy with what you are able to provide, however little, in return. There are people out there who need this type of relationship, so maybe that's where you should focus.
Let's at least agree that a normal, loving relationship is not what you are pursuing, nor is it what you actually want to pursue.
And I think you need to find a different therapist...
I never said I did not want love and to love my life partner. I very much do. But I have to be my own person with freedom. Does not mean that I do not enjoy doing things with someone though. I also can't handle relationships that we do nothing together.
You have the opinion I want to dominate. That is not the case. I am exhausted from having to do everything on my own. I would love a man that can make good decisions on my behalf and I could trust them to do so but have not found one that will do so without taking control over every aspect of my life. Which I can't handle. I want to still be in charge of me. Probably comes from living with a controlling, diagnosed narcissist for years. I have a fear of being controlled like that again and won't live that way ever again.
The last two exes I live with for years, only worked. I did everything else. Laundry, landscaping, trash, laundry, kid duties, etc. I also refuse to live like that anymore either.
Did you work as well? What % of the income did you contribute?
Yeah I am thinking I just meant to be single. My expectations are insanely high and I do not expect to find mr perfect and since settling has not worked out, there is no point to trying that again.
Winning the Lottery and hiring help sounds like a solution also for what it's worth and that is not happening either.
Yes I have mostly always worked fulltime unless they asked me not to. Like when my children were infants and daycare was more than my income.
Well that doesn't mean anything - did you contribute at last 40% of household income? I mean, if you only contributed like 20% . . .I think you'd be expected to step it up on other areas for sure.
Well that doesn't mean anything - did you contribute at last 40% of household income? I mean, if you only contributed like 20% . . .I think you'd be expected to step it up on other areas for sure.
Well my exhusband came out of high school making over $100k a year. Plus we owned a landscape business. I worked full time, did books and scheduling for business, and took care of everything at the house. Plus took care of my daughter.
I have never been a high wage earner. Still not at $35k a year. I disagree that the household chores should be split based on income. I had no problems doing everything when I did not work, but add working to the mix and time becomes a commodity.
Well my exhusband came out of high school making over $100k a year. Plus we owned a landscape business. I worked full time, did books and scheduling for business, and took care of everything at the house. Plus took care of my daughter.
I have never been a high wage earner. Still not at $35k a year. I disagree that the household chores should be split based on income. I had no problems doing everything when I did not work, but add working to the mix and time becomes a commodity.
You need to contribute your 'fair share' to the relationship and money is not a small deal. Chores don't have to be split by income, I agree and didn't mean that they were, but you'd still be expected to do more than him if he's pulling all that weight. Obviously there's guy-oriented chores and vice versa - so there's going to be some kind of split, but not 50/50.
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. I'm all for taking a night off to cut loose now and then, but once a person takes on grown-up responsibilities, they really don't have the luxury of being a "free spirit" anymore.
