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I accept your experiences as valid. Do you accept mine as valid?
If not, then I don't know what to tell you; you seem pretty disturbed that my experiences don't agree with yours. It's fine that this method has worked for you, and I'm glad. It DOESN'T work for every woman; in fact we have a thread going on right now where the girl slept with the guy after telling him she didn't want to just jump into sex and now she's confused. And it's very, very, very far from the first such post - and it's far from the first such story I've heard IRL. So those are *my* observations. And they too are real. Is that okay? If not, I'll just stop as you seem to be getting upset/stressed and I don't see this as very productive.
You are reading far more into to my thoughts than you need to. It's really not that serious. I never said your observations weren't real. But you make it seem like it's a bad thing for a woman to state her intentions if she's not interested in casual sex.
I eventually HAD to say in my profiles that I am not looking for sex because I am CONSTANTLY bombarded with messages from men asking me for sex or asking me for nude photos and I was getting sick of it!
Yeah. I don't blame any woman who says that. With how bombarded women are by desperate men desperate for sex- it's laying your cards on the table upfront.
It seems to me kind of a male fantasy to say "Any woman who says she won't hookup in her bio is dumb." Like seriously? Is that what they're trying to convince us now? Lol.
I am not at all anti-sexual. I don't like being sexually harassed by men I don't know who want to send me c*ck pics unsolicited or ask me if I want to have sex with them and we haven't even had a conversation--not that your opinion of me matters.
Besides, when you are constantly asked about sex and hook-ups when you make it clear you are looking for a relationship and not casual sex, it gets pretty frustrating after a while.
I got a message from a man this morning that read, "Can we f*ck?" Am I supposed to be flattered by that?
From what I can tell, it comes with territory of Tinder and perhaps online dating all-around. You either suck it up and ignore it, or leave. The Internet's always kinda been anarchy and I suspect it's going to be that way for a long time to come.
So I'm sorry. But do you think I like self-esteem eradicating low reply rates (like fractions of fractions)? Do you think I like messaging scores of what are probably fake profiles? Do you think I like no-effort convos that women ghost on... or being catfished? Do you think I'm totally excited about 99% of my matches on Tinder being porn-bots? Do you think I like women I'm not the least bit compatible with, not reading my profile, and contacting me anyway? Am I supposed to be flattered by that? Guess what? No. But I'm not going to pretend anyone's EVER going to fix it or it's EVER going to change, because it's probably not. If I get enough sick of it, I'll quit. Problem solved.
Here's my unsolicited advice: Seek out what read like decent, intelligent men and message them (not Tinder, Ok Cupid I guess, it's the least-worst). Have a real conversation. Make an effort. Go on a real date. Ignore inbound messages altogether... or at least stop ignoring the ones guys like myself write that aren't overtly sexual and/or written in fifth-grader text speak. I can't guarantee anything close to perfection, some guys will probably still be in it for a quick lay, but I can almost guarantee a better rate of return on relationship-minded men.
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When statistics back up your assertion, I think it's fine to "paint with a broad brush." Facts are facts.
It's actually not. It's lazy, assumptive, and ultimately bigoted. I gotta say, as an intelligent guy, your attitudes about "people" aren't very attractive. Perhaps your bad luck is more scarring off the right ones than attracting the wrong ones. I could be wrong. Just throwing that out there.
Last edited by Mr_Polymath; 09-13-2016 at 03:58 PM..
Here's my unsolicited advice: Seek out what read like decent, intelligent men and message them (not Tinder, Ok Cupid I guess, it's the least-worst). Have a real conversation. Make an effort. Go on a real date. Ignore inbound messages altogether... or at least stop ignoring the ones guys like myself write that aren't overtly sexual and/or written like fifth grader text speak. I can't guarantee anything close to perfection, some guys will probably still be in it for a quick lay, but I can almost guarantee a better rate of return on relationship-minded men.
I think this is very good advice. But I'm biased because that's what I did and how I found my boyfriend with OLD.
I got the lewd and rude messages too, so I ended up taking the strategy of, "I will only respond to men I message first." My other key to success was not wasting a bunch of time messaging back and forth. Find someone and meet as soon as you can. Move it offline because you can really judge a man's character in person a lot better than online and you can weed out those using OLD for games vs those who are serious about a relationship.
Here's my unsolicited advice: Seek out what read like decent, intelligent men and message them (not Tinder, Ok Cupid I guess, it's the least-worst). Have a real conversation. Make an effort. Go on a real date. Ignore inbound messages altogether... or at least stop ignoring the ones guys like myself write that aren't overtly sexual and/or written in fifth-grader text speak. I can't guarantee anything close to perfection, some guys will probably still be in it for a quick lay, but I can almost guarantee a better rate of return on relationship-minded men.
I have no idea. If you are, good. You're obviously not ignoring the crap messages though. That's the crux of it.
Quote:
I think this is very good advice. But I'm biased because that's what I did and how I found my boyfriend with OLD.
I got the lewd and rude messages too, so I ended up taking the strategy of, "I will only respond to men I message first." My other key to success was not wasting a bunch of time messaging back and forth. Find someone and meet as soon as you can. Move it offline because you can really judge a man's character in person a lot better than online and you can weed out those using OLD for games vs those who are serious about a relationship.
Spread the word, Bella! If it gets out there I might not have to die heirless and alone... LOL!
From what I can tell, it comes with territory of Tinder and perhaps online dating all-around. You either suck it up and ignore it, or leave. The Internet's always kinda been anarchy and I suspect it's going to be that way for a long time to come.
So I'm sorry. But do you think I like self-esteem eradicating low reply rates (like fractions of fractions)? Do you think I like messaging scores of what are probably fake profiles? Do you think I like no-effort convos that women ghost on... or being catfished? Do you think I'm totally excited about 99% of my matches on Tinder being porn-bots? Do you think I like women I'm not the least bit compatible with, not reading my profile, and contacting me anyway? Am I supposed to be flattered by that? Guess what? No. But I'm not going to pretend anyone's EVER going to fix it or it's EVER going to change, because it's probably not. If I get enough sick of it, I'll quit. Problem solved.
Here's my unsolicited advice: Seek out what read like decent, intelligent men and message them (not Tinder, Ok Cupid I guess, it's the least-worst). Have a real conversation. Make an effort. Go on a real date. Ignore inbound messages altogether... or at least stop ignoring the ones guys like myself write that aren't overtly sexual and/or written in fifth-grader text speak. I can't guarantee anything close to perfection, some guys will probably still be in it for a quick lay, but I can almost guarantee a better rate of return on relationship-minded men.
It's actually not. It's lazy, assumptive, and ultimately bigoted. I gotta say, as an intelligent guy, your attitudes about "people" aren't very attractive. Perhaps your bad luck is more scarring off the right ones than attracting the wrong ones. I could be wrong. Just throwing that out there.
"As an intelligent guy" by what measure? Your opinion of yourself? Because I certainly don't concur with that characterization.
I'm sorry you have a problem with statistics, but it's honestly not my problem. If you want to live in a fantasy world where these facts don't exist, have at it. But don't get whiny with me when I point them out.
Bad luck? You're projecting your own sad history onto me. I've never had bad luck with dating. The only thing I've posted about my experiences on Tinder is that I've left it before because I was inundated with messages and matches.
But perhaps YOUR bad luck, and the positively dismal reply and match rate you have, is down to the nasty and condescending way you speak to people (not just me, but multiple people on this thread). As well as a seemingly out of whack perception of yourself, for example, informing people that you are intelligent when no one has commented anything to that effect. Perhaps a habit you should think critically about
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,989,150 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlanta_BD
I am a highly intelligent woman. Trust.
I eventually HAD to say in my profiles that I am not looking for sex because I am CONSTANTLY bombarded with messages from men asking me for sex or asking me for nude photos and I was getting sick of it!
Then go use Bumble. The guys can't contact you until you contact them.
Even then you'll get some, but it will be less. Women will get sex solicitations, guys will get bots. It's just the way of the OL dating/hookup world. It's one of the main reasons female friends quit OLD, there is just too much crap to deal with.
A lady friend of mine is a moderator for OKC, its volunteer, she was asked. People report messages and she reviews them. She told me there are far far fewer dick pics type things than she thought there would be based on her experiences, and tons of bots. Maybe women don't actually report the messages? Who knows.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,989,150 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by BellaLind
I think this is very good advice. But I'm biased because that's what I did and how I found my boyfriend with OLD.
I got the lewd and rude messages too, so I ended up taking the strategy of, "I will only respond to men I message first." My other key to success was not wasting a bunch of time messaging back and forth. Find someone and meet as soon as you can. Move it offline because you can really judge a man's character in person a lot better than online and you can weed out those using OLD for games vs those who are serious about a relationship.
Very smart.
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If not, I'll just stop as you seem to be getting upset/stressed and I don't see this as very productive.
The Internet's always kinda been anarchy and I suspect it's going to be that way for a long time to come. 
But do you think I like self-esteem eradicating low reply rates (like fractions of fractions)? Do you think I like messaging scores of what are probably fake profiles? Do you think I like no-effort convos that women ghost on... or being catfished? Do you think I'm totally excited about 99% of my matches on Tinder being porn-bots? Do you think I like women I'm not the least bit compatible with, not reading my profile, and contacting me anyway? Am I supposed to be flattered by that? Guess what? 
No. But I'm not going to pretend anyone's EVER going to fix it or it's EVER going to change, because it's probably not. If I get enough sick of it, I'll quit. Problem solved. 
You're obviously not ignoring the crap messages though. That's the crux of it.
If it gets out there I might not have to die heirless and alone... LOL!
