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That's probably a big part of the problem some people have. They build it up in their heads so much that it's devastating when they get turned down (politely, even.)
Real rejection is someone you've been dating for a while saying that they're not sure that they ever really loved you. A stranger not wanting to get a drink with you sometime? That's no big loss.
I said something like that in social media and with friends some time before. By the time certain types of guys talk to you, they have already been married to you for 3 decades in their minds, with your and his children graduating high school or something.
That's probably a big part of the problem some people have. They build it up in their heads so much that it's devastating when they get turned down (politely, even.)
Real rejection is someone you've been dating for a while saying that they're not sure that they ever really loved you. A stranger not wanting to get a drink with you sometime? That's no big loss.
But also, for some -with dating, getting your foot in the door is better than it being slammed in your face.
I liken it to sports. Like what Bill Cosby said. There's 45 people on the football team. 22 get playing time. 23 are to keep the bench on the ground when real players go out. But those 23 were still decent enough to qualify for the team. Compared to the others who tried out, and were too pathetic for even the bench-warming position. So the less than great players who stay on the bench are happy they at least made the team.
So it can be seen as dating someone for a while, and getting dumped is the lesser evil. You did have their interest for a while, even if you didn't hold it. Compared to the people who weren't attractive or interesting enough for even temporary.
Last edited by HappyRain; 12-20-2016 at 09:24 AM..
That's probably a big part of the problem some people have. They build it up in their heads so much that it's devastating when they get turned down (politely, even.)
Real rejection is someone you've been dating for a while saying that they're not sure that they ever really loved you. A stranger not wanting to get a drink with you sometime? That's no big loss.
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
Totally, getting dumped after even just a few months is a blow. These people know you, and they're rejecting you.
They don't know me? I can always say "their loss" and move on easily enough.
I agree that being rejected by someone who actually knows you fairly well is or would logically seem to be harder on one's self esteem. I think some people here would like the opportunity to be that "known" by another person. Better to have dated and lost, than to never have dated at all.
I'm among the people here who probably take for granted the comfort we get from believing that we're dateable, largely because we have ample evidence to support that belief. I haven't dated much, but that's
due to landing in the next relationship fairly quickly after one ends, so maybe I'm good at finding the right person to date. I'm very coupled now and still I meet at least one woman per month in my ordinary day to day who I would consider asking out if I were single. I talked to one at the batting cages, FFS.
But I know something gets in the way for some people. I suspect that I can talk to these women in part because I want nothing from them, but also in part because I know I can talk to them and not look like a complete fool, or at worst look like a somewhat endearing fool. I mean, I know how to recover from looking silly because I've had practice and survived those experiences. It doesn't seem to work that way for everyone.
But also, for some -with dating, getting your foot in the door is better than it being slammed in your face.
I liken it to sports. Like what Bill Cosby said. There's 45 people on the football team. 22 get playing time. 23 are to keep the bench on the ground when real players go out. But those 23 were still decent enough to qualify for the team. Compared to the others who tried out, and were too pathetic for even the bench-warming position. So the less than great players who stay on the bench are happy they at least made the team.
So it can be seen as dating someone for a while, and getting dumped is the lesser evil. You did have their interest for a while, even if you didn't hold it. Compared to the people who weren't attractive or interesting enough for even temporary.
Exactly..when you can't even get your foot in the door for a date you feel like your hideous and nobodies attracted to you..
Yes getting rejected in a relationships bad but when you get over it you know you can still attract other people
So you're saying it's wheter or not she finds him physically attractive which I agree with
It's whether or not we are attracted to the man for a number of reasons. He could look open, interested, fun, kind; and yes, there could be something physical, which will range from woman to woman. It could just be that he has nice eyes (to her). It could be his arms (my personal favorite). It could be that he cares about how he dresses and he cares how his hair looks and has made sure he looks and smells neat. It could be anything but looking approachable is number one.
I would never never never never never neeeeeeeeeeeeeever NEVer (did I mention never?) approach a GQ model-looking guy who had an unapproachable or smirky look about him. Never. Ever...And I haven't. And I never will. Blugh. Such a turnoff. Of course, it could be that handsome men are happier overall in such an environment because they have always been stroked for their looks, ergo they'll look happier, ergo more approachable - BUT again...if that means the man is jerky smirky happiness, ugh. Why would I? Pass.
You, and a few others, are quite deliberately missing the point with "approaching based on looks." YOU may approach based literally on how the woman looks from head to toe in some sort of scripted "numbers scale" way and are therefore projecting, but no matter how many times you insist that this is exactly how women operate as well, you won't make it true and make yourself feel better for being so unilaterally shallow, sorry. Approaching "based on looks" can (and often does) mean based on qualities about the person's looks that speak to what sort of a person he is. Humor/cheerfulness/casualness, taking care of himself (how he dresses and so on), whether he's engaging with other people, whether he has kind/welcoming eyes, etc...yes...for sure these are things I'd base sliding up and opening a conversation on.
"A Female Grizzly would never choose a weak Male that was scared to fight for her" now why can't we human males be like Grizzly Bears?
What are you talking about? I thought grizzly bears mate and then disappear. Am I wrong about that?
"Fight for her" how? When? During the two seconds it takes to get her pregnant? That's not much of a reprieve. LOL. Until then he's just sniffing her trail (eew), circling around her to show HIMSELF off to her, and ripping other approaching males to shreds. Where's the protection part? He's out for himself. Dur. Do you mean fight off other males? That's fighting for HIMSELF. LOL. He has no urge to protect her, per se, beyond making sure no other male poinks her so that he can do it instead. And then leave.
People say the darndest things...(shaking head)
A female grizzly will mate with a strong-looking male, yes, because the female grizzly, who does not have the internet to search out such details, has no other way than the male's looks and how well he moves around and kills other males to determine, in those several days (they take more than one day to "get to know" these details about one another! Isn't that sweet?) before he descends on her to poink and then abandon, whether he's healthy and therefore, whether the offspring he leaves with her to raise will be healthy. Period.
The male doesn't give a poop. He's just spreading his seed wherever, whenever and then off he goes so who cares if the seed is sickly? He'll never have to deal with the sickly crippled issue. He's just off to try like hell to beat up another male so he can do it all over again.
You wish this were the way it was for humans? LOL. Do you feel you are the physically strongest, largest male in the area? If not, you would never get the sex. Literally never. Not with Bigger Male around. Full stop.
I've heard other guys say they wish we were "more like animals" because they have this vision that female animals just "present" to whomever and of course, because male animals don't actually have to have any sort of glowing personality and, you know, SPEAK to the female. They just get to have relief. All the time! UM NO. If the female herself isn't killing ALL unacceptable suitors, it's other males doing it. Being "a male animal" of one description or another could, FOR A HUGE, HUGE percentage of males, mean dying never having had sex. Not one single time. Literally. Think he could still get some by just raping the female, assuming he's bigger than she is? Wrong again. Many, probably most, female animals give off sexual signals, generally but not always in scent, that attract *many* males. You take your sickly inferior smaller self to go rape that female, you get torn apart...I mean you are killed, literally, by the competitor.
Male humans probably have a much, much, much higher percentage of having sex than most other males in the animal kingdom. I'd actually love to find numbers on this because I am almost sure of it...this is just logic. I may have to go do a bit of a search. Because look around you. Just look around. You will see men getting regular sex with a woman, who are smaller than average, dumber than average, skinnier than average, fatter and slower than average, uglier than average, poorer than average, less socially graceful than average, well well well under the "this is the cream of the crop, this man could beat out all other males" category. In droves! WHEN do you see this in other places in the animal kingdom...and as a majority (greater than 50% of males are married at any given time in the U.S., for example, with many more in relationships but not married)?
Count your blessings. That inferior skinny guy wolf who was constantly pawed to the ground by his superiors in the den and was eventually ejected for attempting to rape a female without permission of Alpha, then wandered off and got torn apart by a competing strange male before he was even the equivalent of a human 25 years old never even got off to beat off to pornhub. Not once.
It's whether or not we are attracted to the man for a number of reasons. He could look open, interested, fun, kind; and yes, there could be something physical, which will range from woman to woman. It could just be that he has nice eyes (to her). It could be his arms (my personal favorite). It could be that he cares about how he dresses and he cares how his hair looks and has made sure he looks and smells neat. It could be anything but looking approachable is number one.
I would never never never never never neeeeeeeeeeeeeever NEVer (did I mention never?) approach a GQ model-looking guy who had an unapproachable or smirky look about him. Never. Ever...And I haven't. And I never will. Blugh. Such a turnoff. Of course, it could be that handsome men are happier overall in such an environment because they have always been stroked for their looks, ergo they'll look happier, ergo more approachable - BUT again...if that means the man is jerky smirky happiness, ugh. Why would I? Pass.
You, and a few others, are quite deliberately missing the point with "approaching based on looks." YOU may approach based literally on how the woman looks from head to toe in some sort of scripted "numbers scale" way and are therefore projecting, but no matter how many times you insist that this is exactly how women operate as well, you won't make it true and make yourself feel better for being so unilaterally shallow, sorry. Approaching "based on looks" can (and often does) mean based on qualities about the person's looks that speak to what sort of a person he is. Humor/cheerfulness/casualness, taking care of himself (how he dresses and so on), whether he's engaging with other people, whether he has kind/welcoming eyes, etc...yes...for sure these are things I'd base sliding up and opening a conversation on.
Before you approach somebody you know nothing about them. So the idea you're approaching them on these non physical traits doesn't fly.
Most cold approaches are shallow by nature because all you see are the looks at first.
As I said my good looking friends are the only ones who get approached.the other day a lady came to our table told my friend he looks like some actor and gave him her number. But I'm sure it's just a coincidence and he was approached for other traits that a complete stranger can see without even knowing him lol
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JBT1980
Before you approach somebody you know nothing about them. So the idea you're approaching them on these non physical traits doesn't fly.
Most cold approaches are shallow by nature because all you see are the looks at first.
As I said my good looking friends are the only ones who get approached. But I'm sure it's just a coincidence and there approached for other traits that a complete stranger can see without even knowing them lol
First, physical traits go far beyond looks. Physical traits can include style (heck, down to the band t shirt they're wearing), how they walk, facial expressions, and just how they interact with their surroundings. You can get to know something about them from that.
Second, it depends on what you call an approach. I talk to everyone and anyone, guys/girls, big/small, old/young, when out and about. I don't consider that approaching someone, meaning engaging with them with the purpose of asking them out and trying to find out if they're available and interested. I approach a woman because I feel some attraction to them, and that happens AFTER I've interacted with them. The attraction comes before the approach, and to have any attraction I need to have interaction.
Just talking to people at events randomly isn't approaching them, if it was, I'm approaching 80 year old dudes while complaining about starting pitching during a Red Sox game.
Last edited by timberline742; 12-20-2016 at 10:41 AM..
I have approached a few more girls recently and the result is always the same - they all have someone. It is amazing how few good looking single women there are. Yet there are seem to be so many single men that are really attractive, taking care of themselves, work out, have good jobs... I just don't get it.
I suppose one theory why women don't approach men is because they don't really have to. Unless they are significantly overweight and/or unattractive. In which case they wouldn't approach anyone either due to lack of confidence.
Sorry, balderdash. This is some sort of visual bias you have. No, just no, LOL.
The "attractive" men who actually do "take care of themselves," and especially, who work out (you're aware there are more overweight men than women, by the numbers, correct?) who are single, that I know, are single because they want to be, and they want to get as many women as they possibly can, so they aren't getting tied down.
This of course means there may be weekends where there is no woman on tap...oh well. Living that lifestyle, you have to constantly be trying to find a new woman, as even those who are hanging on hoping you'll "commit" eventually will drop off when they finally grow a brain. At those times the man appears "single" and is roaming the bar or other venue seeking a woman. Well duh.
Or for a man who really is as attractive as you say (you must mean also socially attractive? It is NEVER just about looks) who isn't a player or what-have-you, he still may just be wary of making a commitment and therefore may not have a girlfriend on his arm. I've seen a whole lot of this too. It's fine and normal and part of the maturation process, IMO. Women overall do still seem more ready at an earlier age (slightly earlier) than men for something larger-scale in this way. But again, this will mean fewer single women because they're ready to commit sooner, not because the world is this cruel place that slants things against men (trying to hold back a guffaw at that thought, but NVM).
But, just sayin' - often what I see is men giving other men passes when they describe looks. "He's bald but he's still an 8 because he has a great job..." or...whatever. Or the guy has a pot belly, but he still has GREAT arms, he's always at the gym! So he's still good-looking. Yet these negatives would NEVER be things they'd give women "passes" for; significant physical flaws knock a woman down immediately from that "very good-looking" category...say, she's the one with the pot belly, or she has bad skin, or she has a large nose, or whatever. So the slanted viewpoint is that there are "more" handsome men than women and that even "less attractive" women "get" men and that "great-looking!!!" men have to settle for "average" women. Yeah no.
Before you approach somebody you know nothing about them. So the idea you're approaching them on these non physical traits doesn't fly.
You're not listening.
I already stated above, and Timber is echoing, that you can tell a lot about a person's qualities based on certain aspects of their looks. These aren't guarantees; this is still a stranger...but we need something to go on. I won't repeat what I already gave as examples as this, as I'm sure you're capable of scrolling back up and reading, rather than glazing past them so that you can hold onto what you want to believe is true. That much is up to you - I can't force you.
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