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I know a couple who have been together for nearly 20 years. Never married, no kids, and live in separate sides of a very nice duplex, so they can be together whenever they mutually want to quite easily, but each have their own space to retreat to. Early on they made a "no stopping by randomly" rule.
Works for them. Good luck, OP.
This is great to hear! thank you for telling me about this great story!!
(Jealousy, Girls I worked with, not seeing each other all the time) I was 100% committed to her but she was very insecure and controlling and I had to end it.
yes, I think that would be the issue with me dating someone from a different town, because girls tend to think about that more, as it's usually the guy that tends to do that. I was talking to a guy from a different town for a while, but I felt like, that might be an issue...especially since I don't drive, and it would basically be all up to him, to come over here, and if he wanted to or not. so I guess I can see how a guy would be more interested in that than a girl would.
Do you honestly think that not living together prevents a couple from falling into routine?
Relationships change and evolve- even when the couple isn't married or living together.
Thanks for the heads up. It also clinches my self-persuasion to avoid LTR's like the plague. I've seen relationships transition from exciting/fun to serious/boring, and it took me a lot of effort not to get vicariously scared.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Murk
I know a couple who have been together for nearly 20 years. Never married, no kids, and live in separate sides of a very nice duplex, so they can be together whenever they mutually want to quite easily, but each have their own space to retreat to. Early on they made a "no stopping by randomly" rule.
That is truly admirable. I'd like to meet them and shake their hands. I do wonder if they live in a common-law marriage state, in which case, they might be considered legally married. Of course, it depends on whether or not each side of the duplex has its own postal address, like Unit A/Unit B, or even its own house number. If yes, then they'd be safe. Otherwise, common-law marriage would apply.
That is truly admirable. I'd like to meet them and shake their hands. I do wonder if they live in a common-law marriage state, in which case, they might be considered legally married. Of course, it depends on whether or not each side of the duplex has its own postal address, like Unit A/Unit B, or even its own house number. If yes, then they'd be safe. Otherwise, common-law marriage would apply.
In the few places that recognize the formation of common law marriage, the general rule is that the parties have to hold themselves out as married. This particular situation would not come close to reaching that bar in any jurisdiction I know of.
Thanks for the heads up. It also clinches my self-persuasion to avoid LTR's like the plague. I've seen relationships transition from exciting/fun to serious/boring, and it took me a lot of effort not to shudder at the change, especially after the couples moved in together.
yes, I guess that's why they're always looking for someone "new", or the "next" person...when eventually that will get old too. I guess that's why I'm single. I never got that, having to have someone else, or "needing" someone...
The OP replies to my post earlier; he said he didn't want a FWB.
What it sounds like he wants is an ongoing casual relationship. The kind where there is mutual respect and attraction, but without the woman pressuring him to become a sedate married couple. Just sharing in the good times, celebrating fun occasions, and enjoying each other company, like they did on day 1.
To solve my own problem, I guess I have no choice but to put my dating life on monk mode until I'm 40--45. By then, people either get their marriage/baby fix or simply outgrow it, so dating will be safe again.
that is exactly what I am looking for. I hope for the both of us we don't have to basically play the wait it out game.
The OP replies to my post earlier; he said he didn't want a FWB.
What it sounds like he wants is an ongoing casual relationship. The kind where there is mutual respect and attraction, but without the woman pressuring him to become a sedate married couple. Just sharing in the good times, celebrating fun occasions, and enjoying each other company, like they did on day 1.
To solve my own problem, I guess I have no choice but to put my dating life on monk mode until I'm 40--45. By then, people either get their marriage/baby fix or simply outgrow it, so dating will be safe again.
What is this thing you call a "sedate married couple?"
Remember, the bulk of all marriages are made up of a man and a woman. My mother once said, "God had to have his tongue in his cheek when he made man and woman to live together." She had something there. Marriage is an ongoing challenge into which most couples enter gladly but an ongoing challenge to make it successful and lasting nonetheless. You have to work at it every day.
As for monk mode, BTDT for two years following divorce at age 48. Rather enjoyed it.
It's hard because once you get into your 30s women tend to have kids or really want kids; really want to get married or are married. I don't want to be beholden to some family court judge being stung for goodness knows how much in alimony or common law either and that's enough to make me all the more cautious.
I'm happy be exclusive to someone with a potential LTR but marriage and kids are a deal breaker and I like and need my own space and don't want to cohabitate.
I'm up front about this to women and it tends to go one of two ways. One, the woman sees it as a challenge and will try and change you, but turns when she realises I won't change. Two, it's a deal breaker for the woman and it won't go anywhere. I'd be more successful if I strung a woman along for a while, but that's not something i'd do.
I might feel differently at 40 or 50. I don't expect to find anyone because of this, beyond a fling.
I feel the exact same as you, I would happily be committed to the woman for a long term relationship. Yeah, it would be easier to string a woman along, but as you mentioned about yourself I am not that kind of guy and will not use woman.
At your age, no girl worths your salt would agree to those 3 conditions. At my age, already been married before and had my kid, I'd definitely open to a committed relationship without marriage/kids/cohabitation. Ideally, he'd live on the same block, and we'd spend time at each other's house or get a "his/her" night alone occasionally as needed.
yes, I think that would be the issue with me dating someone from a different town, because girls tend to think about that more, as it's usually the guy that tends to do that. I was talking to a guy from a different town for a while, but I felt like, that might be an issue...especially since I don't drive, and it would basically be all up to him, to come over here, and if he wanted to or not. so I guess I can see how a guy would be more interested in that than a girl would.
It was tough for both of us, but it was much harder on her. as she is originally from CT and never wanted to leave for FL but she had to go with her parents. I did my best to sympathize with her and let her know how much i cared for her and only wanted her, but it wasn't enough unfortunately. Long distance is hard.
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