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At your age I think it would be hard. As you get older I think you'd stand a better shot at it. Lots of people will be coming out of bad marriages and their kids are growing up and possibly already out of the house. More women at older ages would maybe be interested in not getting married or doing the live together thing but still want some of the bennies of being in a relationship.
At your age I think it would be hard. As you get older I think you'd stand a better shot at it. Lots of people will be coming out of bad marriages and their kids are growing up and possibly already out of the house. More women at older ages would maybe be interested in not getting married or doing the live together thing but still want some of the bennies of being in a relationship.
IDK, could be wrong but that's how I see it.
Agree, but the OP doesn't have to wait 20 years. He could consider dating older women now, who have "been there/done that" and have washed their hands of marriage. They are often looking for a companion with benefits and nothing more.
Seriously? I know quite a few non-married childless couples.
However for the OP, the more difficult one might be a long-term relationship while living apart (whether in the same area or an LDR). Without marriage or kids keeping a relationship going (obviously that doesn't work perfectly either) then propinquity would be your next bet. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Propinquity
Now, don't say you only want to see them every month or less...that will take your sample down to something that is really like a FWB - is that okay with you or is monogamy a requirement?
To piggyback onto my own post - my current SO and I met online more than 10 years ago. He lived a couple hours away in Chicago and we started out as FWB. He worked there and I worked here so it was like an every couple weekends kind of thing and I liked getting up to the "big city".
He does contract IT work and a few years into our "relationship" he got a position in my city...but got his own apartment. As that lasted, we spent more nights together and it really wasn't an FWB any more. Since then he's had jobs in Chicago and jobs closer to me - sometimes he lives there and sometimes here. It has worked out well...but we do live together on occasion. We're never getting married (though he would like to) and I'm way too old for kids and never wanted any.
So unconventional relationships can work, but as others have said, it's more typical for those who are older and have done the conventional and moved on from that. Most women want to try that first...but I'm sure not all. The problem is starting with nonconventional and then through distance or lack of closeness the less attached person meets someone else who's willing to go more conventional and that's what they had wanted all along but were "settling" - that could be painful.
Agree, but the OP doesn't have to wait 20 years. He could consider dating older women now, who have "been there/done that" and have washed their hands of marriage. They are often looking for a companion with benefits and nothing more.
True, though I don't typically think that the average guy is looking for older women, I mean some of course and nothing wrong with it at all, not taking a shot a women here, just saying. I also think that people are usually more compatible when closer in age, not across the board and of course people can be good matches when there is an age discrepancy but I think overall a closer age match is better.
I'm not sure how casual of a relationship the OP is looking for so it depends on that as well, if it's just a friend with benefits than I suppose you can cast a wider looser net so to speak.
At your age I think it would be hard. As you get older I think you'd stand a better shot at it. Lots of people will be coming out of bad marriages and their kids are growing up and possibly already out of the house. More women at older ages would maybe be interested in not getting married or doing the live together thing but still want some of the bennies of being in a relationship.
OK, that clinches it: monk mode until I'm 40. I find the overwhelming obsession with relationships among people my age utterly terrifying. I'm starting to view the "settle down" phase as the adult equivalent of the terrible two's.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterflyfish
Agree, but the OP doesn't have to wait 20 years. He could consider dating older women now, who have "been there/done that" and have washed their hands of marriage. They are often looking for a companion with benefits and nothing more.
I'd recommend the OP to date younger women instead. Taking into account that he'll have very stiff (ha!) competition from guys in their 20's. But at least women that age aren't likely to be in a mad rush to get married and have a baby. I'm actually friends (just friends) with a girl in her 20's right now. While she says she wants to find a boyfriend, it comes off pretty laid-back. And honestly, it's a breath of fresh air to be around someone who's not obsessed with being in a relationship or finding one.
I know someone will suggest dating her. While I thought about it, I'm way too fearful of relationships at this point to properly sustain one. I saw way too many negative examples. In which case, I risk hurting her if I try to pursue her romantically. Plus, she already told me she just wants to be friends. Which, in my case, is not a bad thing.
Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 03-20-2017 at 04:02 PM..
Recently I have really been thinking about my love life and why I have never had a real relationship (I dated a girl for about 6 months but we were never official). and I realized that my beliefs may have a huge reason as to why I haven't had a real relationship and why I may never have a real relationship. For me personally, I do not want to get married, have kids or co-habitate. I understand that these are deal breakers for most woman. I would like to have a long term relationship at some point in my life (I am 30 will be 31 in December) but I wonder if my beliefs will prevent that from ever happening, I will not change my feelings on these three topics as I would not be honest and true to myself if I did. Any honest advice on this would be greatly appreciated.
Are there "Child-Free" dating sites? I would think these must exist. IIRC about 80% of women end up having at least one child in their life, so you are looking at about 20% of the otherwise eligible gals out there. That's a minority but not exactly like they are unicorns.
Sometimes I think I should set up a child-free dating site, maybe the ones out there already are not so good?
Just meeting people at random, you will be rejecting 8 out of 10, so if you want to go that route, I would keep the first dates short and frankly cheap, find out if they are child free or not, if not, as you said in another post, no date #2. You don't need to be a jerk about it, in fact you need to NOT be a jerk about it, but just say they are not looking for a guy like you are.
Sort of depends on where you are at in the country. If you are in a rural, Bible-Belt area, yeah, you will have to look hard and long to find any CF people. But if you at least have access to a more secular and probably urban area, you may find many possibles.
True, though I don't typically think that the average guy is looking for older women, I mean some of course and nothing wrong with it at all, not taking a shot a women here, just saying. I also think that people are usually more compatible when closer in age, not across the board and of course people can be good matches when there is an age discrepancy but I think overall a closer age match is better.
I'm not sure how casual of a relationship the OP is looking for so it depends on that as well, if it's just a friend with benefits than I suppose you can cast a wider looser net so to speak.
True - but realistically OP will either have to give on the requirements he's said several times are not negotiable....or go for a possibly older woman...or take his chances with a younger women who could well change her mind about what she wants out of life. Life is negotiation and a gamble.
Sometimes I think I should set up a child-free dating site, maybe the ones out there already are not so good?
the ones that I've been on, you can (or have to) put if you have or want kids. and a lot of people say they don't (yes, even women...I look at some just to see whose on there, and have seen as many women that say they don't want kids, as men.)
the ones that I've been on, you can (or have to) put if you have or want kids. and a lot of people say they don't (yes, even women...I look at some just to see whose on there, and have seen as many women that say they don't want kids, as men.)
What sites specifically? Is it easy enough to screen for "no kids, don't want"?
Anyone who wants to date some sort of "unicorn" - by that I mean someone with rare attributes of whatever type - probably is best served by online dating, if they can find a site that works for them.
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I find the overwhelming obsession with relationships among people my age utterly terrifying. 
I'm starting to view the "settle down" phase as the adult equivalent of the terrible two's.
