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True - but realistically OP will either have to give on the requirements he's said several times are not negotiable....or go for a possibly older woman...or take his chances with a younger women who could well change her mind about what she wants out of life. Life is negotiation and a gamble.
What? Kids and marriage? I don't know why he has to give up on those. If he doesn't want kids and marriage, I don't think he has to give up on those. There are plenty of women who don't want to have kids or get married. The OP says he's more flexible on cohabitation, but doesn't want to do that immediately.
I am guessing that someone who doesn't want kids or to get married isn't necessarily going to rush into moving in with someone.
I have a relative who got remarried and I am not sure if she lives with her husband. They started out with a relationship very much like the one the OP wants- mostly long distance. They met through work contacts. My relative is in her mid-40s, so she's not going to be having kids, nor was that on the table when she met her now husband. She has a really travel heavy job and had a more traditional marriage prior to that and it just didn't work out because her ex-husband couldn't handle having a wife on the road all the time.
There are lots of women out there who want what the OP wants. Will they be easy to find? No. Are they out there? Absolutely. I am probably more like the OP wants too, and there are two of us in the same family!
OK, that clinches it: monk mode until I'm 40. I find the overwhelming obsession with relationships among people my age utterly terrifying. I'm starting to view the "settle down" phase as the adult equivalent of the terrible two's.
You sure do spend a lot of time living in fear of other people's choices.
True, though I don't typically think that the average guy is looking for older women, I mean some of course and nothing wrong with it at all, not taking a shot a women here, just saying. I also think that people are usually more compatible when closer in age, not across the board and of course people can be good matches when there is an age discrepancy but I think overall a closer age match is better.
I'm not sure how casual of a relationship the OP is looking for so it depends on that as well, if it's just a friend with benefits than I suppose you can cast a wider looser net so to speak.
Point taken.
The OP should just keep looking. He might get lucky and find the perfect partner. He might not, and he'll have to come to terms with that. Like another poster said, when you are looking for a unicorn, you have to cast a wide net, be patient, and hope you get lucky.
I don't really feel that women who meet his requirements are as rare as unicorns. There's probably more women out there who share his views than he realizes.
At your age I think it would be hard. As you get older I think you'd stand a better shot at it. Lots of people will be coming out of bad marriages and their kids are growing up and possibly already out of the house. More women at older ages would maybe be interested in not getting married or doing the live together thing but still want some of the bennies of being in a relationship.
Agree, but the OP doesn't have to wait 20 years. He could consider dating older women now, who have "been there/done that" and have washed their hands of marriage. They are often looking for a companion with benefits and nothing more.
Older woman often hit on me I have noticed, but never really payed attention to it before.
To piggyback onto my own post - my current SO and I met online more than 10 years ago. He lived a couple hours away in Chicago and we started out as FWB. He worked there and I worked here so it was like an every couple weekends kind of thing and I liked getting up to the "big city".
He does contract IT work and a few years into our "relationship" he got a position in my city...but got his own apartment. As that lasted, we spent more nights together and it really wasn't an FWB any more. Since then he's had jobs in Chicago and jobs closer to me - sometimes he lives there and sometimes here. It has worked out well...but we do live together on occasion. We're never getting married (though he would like to) and I'm way too old for kids and never wanted any.
So unconventional relationships can work, but as others have said, it's more typical for those who are older and have done the conventional and moved on from that. Most women want to try that first...but I'm sure not all. The problem is starting with nonconventional and then through distance or lack of closeness the less attached person meets someone else who's willing to go more conventional and that's what they had wanted all along but were "settling" - that could be painful.
you are right that could have a painful ending, but i do understand that the type of relationship I would like to have could end badly and abruptly.
True, though I don't typically think that the average guy is looking for older women, I mean some of course and nothing wrong with it at all, not taking a shot a women here, just saying. I also think that people are usually more compatible when closer in age, not across the board and of course people can be good matches when there is an age discrepancy but I think overall a closer age match is better.
I'm not sure how casual of a relationship the OP is looking for so it depends on that as well, if it's just a friend with benefits than I suppose you can cast a wider looser net so to speak.
OK, that clinches it: monk mode until I'm 40. I find the overwhelming obsession with relationships among people my age utterly terrifying. I'm starting to view the "settle down" phase as the adult equivalent of the terrible two's.
I'd recommend the OP to date younger women instead. Taking into account that he'll have very stiff (ha!) competition from guys in their 20's. But at least women that age aren't likely to be in a mad rush to get married and have a baby. I'm actually friends (just friends) with a girl in her 20's right now. While she says she wants to find a boyfriend, it comes off pretty laid-back. And honestly, it's a breath of fresh air to be around someone who's not obsessed with being in a relationship or finding one.
I know someone will suggest dating her. While I thought about it, I'm way too fearful of relationships at this point to properly sustain one. I saw way too many negative examples. In which case, I risk hurting her if I try to pursue her romantically. Plus, she already told me she just wants to be friends. Which, in my case, is not a bad thing.
I normally go for girls who are younger than me (last girl i dated was 24 going on 25 while i was 29 going on 30) you are correct that younger girls are thinking that far ahead and you could date them for a bit before her biological clocks starts ticking and you both know at that point its time to split. nothing wrong with being friends.
Are there "Child-Free" dating sites? I would think these must exist. IIRC about 80% of women end up having at least one child in their life, so you are looking at about 20% of the otherwise eligible gals out there. That's a minority but not exactly like they are unicorns.
Sometimes I think I should set up a child-free dating site, maybe the ones out there already are not so good?
Just meeting people at random, you will be rejecting 8 out of 10, so if you want to go that route, I would keep the first dates short and frankly cheap, find out if they are child free or not, if not, as you said in another post, no date #2. You don't need to be a jerk about it, in fact you need to NOT be a jerk about it, but just say they are not looking for a guy like you are.
Sort of depends on where you are at in the country. If you are in a rural, Bible-Belt area, yeah, you will have to look hard and long to find any CF people. But if you at least have access to a more secular and probably urban area, you may find many possibles.
Good point, I guess I could do some searching on that topic, 20% is encouraging. IU would never be a jerk to any woman, I am a gentleman first and foremost. I live in New England.
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I find the overwhelming obsession with relationships among people my age utterly terrifying. 
I'm starting to view the "settle down" phase as the adult equivalent of the terrible two's.
