Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
i didn't read all the posts, but my suggestion would be to first look for a woman who does not want children either. There are many of them out there.
Since we don't know why you don't want to get married or cohabitation, I'll just make some assumptions that it's because you like your space, and your own selfish pursuits, and you don't want to accommodate someone else. There are women who feel the same way, especially career oriented ones. It is remotely possible that you might want to live with a woman who you enjoy being with, if she shared your feelings about these things. I mean if you both respected each other's space.
How about looking online, and being very specific? You might get some hits, who knows.
I agree with you that finding a woman who does not want kids, will be much easier than finding one who checks off all three boxes. Marriage never interested me (and my parents have a great marriage going on 31 years now) just not something I want in life. and living with someone else is another thing that never interested me, I enjoy space and time alone, living with a significant other could dampen that, I would not want to make her feel bad if I am in one of my moods where i want to be alone and do not feel like talking to anyone. Online is something I am going to try as it looks to be the best bet to find what i am looking for.
There's someone for everyone as long as you're open about what you want.
Don't play a 'gotcha' game where you start out the relationship traditionally and then just string her along. Be open from the start and you'll find someone who comes along.
The school of thought is the pill that happens to be the same color as a firetruck. It's against TOS to discuss it, so I'll leave it at that.
Even so, I feel like the women who "want a stable man after getting partying out of their system" are drawn to me for the wrong reasons. Namely, they want to be with me not because they find me attractive and/or exciting, not because they see me as a fun time-filler (as was the case with one woman I dated), but because they want something from me: the stability I allegedly can give. I'm sure the OP feels the same way.
Oh Okay, thank you for filling me in on that subject a little more. I do feel like that especially in my younger years (before i truly discovered more about myself and what I really want out of my life). i was the stable, kind, giving, thoughtful, caring guy, who treats woman with respect. I am still those things but i understand much more about myself and will not compromise my values anymore.
I have to agree with the OP on this. As I said before, I think the issue is that not many women in his age group are going to have the same goals, but I don't think his goals are inherently flawed by any means and I would happily have the kind of relationship he's describing - but now, in my 50s, and it would have been the last thing I wanted in my 30s.
However, as long as he's honest with women about what he wants, I think he's entitled to seek what he thinks will make him happy, just like anyone else. And I disagree with the idea of seeking out younger women for a short term relationship thinking they will be ok having a no strings attached relationship (long term/permanent strings, anyway) and they'll just move on when they do want something more likely to lead to marriage. That's a recipe for heartbreak IMO, because the reality is that most young women do end up ultimately wanting marriage and kids at some point,and it's going to be a lot easier if they aren't in love with someone who doesn't want it at all.
I know in 10-15 years, this will be much easier to find so that's good to know . I am always honest and upfront about my views on a relationship, I don't want to waste anyone's time. I didn't look at it that way, the last thing I want to do is hurt anybody (and that is why I will never string a girl along).
exactly what I was thinking. Sounds like OP and others want an exclusive FWB situation - the sex, company, and fun times with none of the work of a real relationship. Just call it what it is and stop pretending it's a committed relationship.
What is this "work" you are talking about?, and its not a FWB situation I want, I am looking for a permanent GF.
[quote=MillennialUrbanist;47591982]OK, I'll bite. (Because I fall into the same category of people as the OP.) If I were to have a relationship, what in the world would I benefit from an LTR over an exclusive FWB? Hmm? Meaning, besides Hollywood ideas like "love", "work", and all that jazz.
And also, if you take sex out of the equation, keeping the companionship and the fun times, what you got is a friendship. Which I'd be totally cool with.[/quote]
Yes, real and true relationships are work... ALL of them, including familial and platonic. They can also open you up to new experiences and opportunities for personal growth and discovery. Being able to truly connect with someone is special, more than I can put into words. Yes, I've been burned by friends, family, and romantic partners too. But that's a risk when you put yourself out there.
But if you have already taken that attitude - that any relationship is a strictly tit-for-tat business-like transaction where tangibles are exchanged for other tangibles - nothing I say will matter. Good luck finding what you are looking for.
my relationship with my family is not work for me, its pretty easy actually. same with my friends, no hard work involved. I know this is subjective and maybe for others its more work than it is for me, but I am a naturally friendly person and its easy for me. you are right, it is a special thing and you can connect with someone without having kids,marriage or co-habitation, why are these three things so essential?. I don't understand why you cant connect with someone unless you have those three things.
my relationship with my family is not work for me, its pretty easy actually. same with my friends, no hard work involved.
I've read that "work" in a relationship is more like driving and less like hard labor. You have be be aware, present, attentive, proactive, and reactive. The question about your ideal relationship that some people are having is mainly wondering if you can achieve real intimacy with someone while you're also keeping them at arm's length.
You know, this is the hundredth thousandth time I've heard a speech like this here. It appeals to those who are super spiritual and have a love of learning and all that. Me and probably the OP are more pragmatic in our attitude about life. I'm a simple guy who isn't spiritual at all, I deal in facts, I know what I want my life dynamic to be and more importantly what I DONT want it to be. I'm never going to be the person who is just gushing out "oh how I love so and so". I'm going to want a partner who is on the same page with what I want and we aren't going to have the same experiences with kids weddings etc. I don't think that makes a relationship that two people agree to have to their parameters and less legit than one who has the kids and wedding experiences.
I agree 1000% I do know exactly what I want and don't want in my life (took me a few years to finally figure this out). it seems if you don't want marriage,kids and all that you can't have a relationship apparently, which i feel is BS, i know what we are looking for is not a conventional relationship but in my eyes it is still a relationship.
I'm not referring so much to the kids and wedding part. My main concern is the "only getting together when it's convenient and never planning to cohabitate" part. If you're only around when it's fun and convenient, you will never get to know the "real" yous. Getting to that point is when IMO you can say you are in a real, committed relationship.
I am glad you put that in there, we all have opinions and I feel you can have a committed relationship even if you don't live together full time.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
. I am always honest and upfront about my views on a relationship, I don't want to waste anyone's time. I didn't look at it that way, the last thing I want to do is hurt anybody (and that is why I will never string a girl along).
