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I've been in the OPs shoes at that age (failed contraception) and I could not keep it to myself for five seconds. How the OP managed to keep this secret for 3 months kind of blows my mind.
I immediately dropped some unhealthy lifestyle habits such as drinking, etc. Plus, it wasn't long before I was puking my guts out every morning. That aspect of the OPs story is really something I can't relate to or understand. Not doubting the OP, I just find it hard to comprehend.
Anyway, while you are deciding what to do, I hope you are taking good care of yourself, getting prenatal care, not smoking or drinking. Good luck with whatever you decide.
If somebody you've been with four years doesn't trust you and thinks you're a liar, that's really not something that bodes well for your quality of relationship, is it?
He hasn't always thought that I'm a liar. But on this occasion he says that I must be lying because of the way that the pills are packaged.
He hasn't always thought that I'm a liar. But on this occasion he says that I must be lying because of the way that the pills are packaged.
He has a good point. It's pretty hard not to realize right away that you missed one of those.
Source: I have taken BC pills and am taking them now.
I can see why he'd be suspicious.
Also, you not telling him as soon as you noticed that you didn't take one is also weird. Why not tell him that next day?
Sample convo:
You: Oh no! I forgot my BC yesterday! Do you think we'll be okay?
Him: I'm not sure. Maybe we should get some of that Plan B stuff from the pharmacy, just to be sure.
You: Good idea.
Him: (Drives you to the store.)
You: (Takes the Plan B, doesn't get pregnant.)
Or:
Him: Nah, we're probably ok.
You: Okay...
You, a few weeks later: My period is late.
Him: Let's get a pregnancy test.
You: (Takes test, it is positive.)
Him: What do we do now?
You: I don't want to have an abortion...
... conversation goes on early in this process.
See? You realize that you holding off so long and not mentioning you didn't take a pill that is CLEARLY marked for a given day of the week does make you look like you "forgot" instead of genuinely "forgot" right?
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He hasn't always thought that I'm a liar. But on this occasion he says that I must be lying because of the way that the pills are packaged.
I hate to break this to you- but this is not an indication that he loves you, wants to marry you, and raise a child with you. A mature man would immediately step forward and volunteer. Wake up honey.
These are young people, folks, unless I am quite mistaken.
This kind of news at a time they have financial stress (I believe that was mentioned, yes?) is going to be scary. So scary, she was in denial trying to ignore the situation for like 3 months, probably with a mind full of what ifs.
Like: What if he breaks up with me or leaves me alone to deal with this?
What if he makes me abort this baby, I feel so connected to?
What if he wants me to give up the baby to adoption?
What if he accuses me of letting this happen on purpose?
I was on the pill, how could this happen?
OP: Do you KNOW that you missed a pill? Like, you should know if that's what happened or not. You have said "maybe." Also, if you were given any antibiotics for anything like, say, a sinus infection or any other kind of infection, those can temporarily make your BC pill ineffective.
Anyways, the whole thing smells like youth and (not to be insulting, just giving you benefit of the doubt for where you're at in life, OP) immaturity. Like, it's scary, you're not really READY...but then, so are so many people who have babies, and do go on to be good parents.
OP's guy has every right to be "mad as hell"...because SHE DIDN'T TELL HIM FOR 3 FREAKING MONTHS. I'd be mad as hell too, if my partner kept quiet about something SO major, for 3 months, that was going to completely transform my life. It is a big deal, he has a right to a reaction. She has said he is not abusive, so being mad doesn't make him some sort of a monster.
But again, they are going to have to get past that and take proper action now. You cannot un-ring this bell.
So, OP, are you seeing a doctor? Please do that.
Also, you will find that since you are pregnant (assuming you're in the United States, I did not look if you have shared your location)...you will, if you have financial difficulties, probably qualify for assistance. That might reduce some of the stress about this whole situation. You might want to look into that.
I hope that your boyfriend works though his feelings of anger soon, and that he can be emotionally present in a good way for the later parts of your pregnancy, and that things get better for you both. You will need to work on mending some of the damaged trust, from keeping this secret from him so long.
Yeah, but that missed period when she finished her current packet of pills and started on the placebos...that should have been a pretty strong clue. The pill regulates your period to the day. No guesswork.
Update : He's left. I called him and tried to get him to reconsider but he keeps mentioning the packaging of the pills and how it's impossible that I could have forgotten without knowing soon enough. What do I say to him?
Update : He's left. I called him and tried to get him to reconsider but he keeps mentioning the packaging of the pills and how it's impossible that I could have forgotten without knowing soon enough. What do I say to him?
What do you mean what do you say to him?
He is right. You knew months ago. Even if this was a mistake, you DID know for three months and didn't tell him. We've been over this.
You can accidentally forget a pill, but you don't accidentally not tell someone something for three months.
About all you CAN say for that is, "I am sorry." But what's done is done.
Have you been to a doctor yet? Any thoughts about whether you're keeping the baby or putting him/her up for adoption? If you keep the child, I'm sure he understands that you have every legal right to go after him for child support. Whatever happened with the pills does not matter in court, the courts aren't concerned with whose "fault" this was. His choice at this time is whether to stick around and be part of his kid's life, or whether to just deal with the reality of support. Unless you choose to put the baby up for adoption.
Look, the not telling him thing, that is a breach of trust. Relationships often fall apart over breaches of trust. That is not shocking. I know it sucks but you may have done something he can't forgive you for, but that does not change the fact that you need to go to a doctor if you haven't and you need to make decisions and get connected with the resources to carry them out.
So quit fussing over your man and think about your baby, huh? And maybe learn something about honesty in relationships from this, going forward.
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