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Read lots of articles on a"Narcissistic Abuse" and it will give you insight which will console you.
In the meantime cut all contact and pamper yourself for 1 week. Cry, laugh, do whatever like eat a cake for 1 week. On day 8 you arise and get back out in the dating world. There is a special girl all yours out there that isn t abusive.
Welcome to heartache 101. It does suck but learn from it .
OR...
Maybe take a break from dating and focus on building a life for yourself so that you can be content with your life with or without a date or a relationship.
I kind of get this, OP. You feel like you need to warn people about her, like you would about a con artist who bilks innocent people out of money. You feel like she should have a permanent warning label around her neck. "DANGER! Approach with caution!' But "caveat emptor" is a basic rule of thumb about getting into relationships. Eveyone is supposed to know they shouldn't rush into things. And yet, many people throw caution to the wind. That's on them. This is why more than a few women insist on getting to know a guy first, maybe over 10 dates or more, before getting more intimately involved.
And here's the thing, in your case; you said you broke up with her several times, but got back together. So your instincts were right, she begged you back, or was very convincing in expressing remorse, or whatever. And maybe the first time she convinced you, but the next time, you got back with her against your better judgment. Whatever the case was, you need to take it all as a learning experience.
You may need to put some distance between yourself and these events, before you can calm down and get a good perspective over it. That's normal. But you just got a crash course in some people's human nature. Abusers will beg, cry (even men, if they think it'll work), show remorse up and down. Don't fall for it. Don't fall for Drama Queens, or people who are verbally abusive. It's a huge red flag. And whatever you do, don't hold this against the next woman you hit it off with. That's a sure way to doom future relationships.
Good luck. Soon enough, this will be over, and in the past. Even though right now, in the heat of the moment, you feel like you need revenge, you'll feel relieved when you have it all behind you.
And P.S. Her karma is that she'll go through the rest of her life doing this to guys, on an emotional roller coaster, without any relationship stability. She doesn't know it yet, but you do. Because of your experience, you can see into her future, and it's not pretty. What more "revenge" do you need? Don't let her suck you into any more negative feelings. By stewing over it, you remain hooked. Unhook yourself.
Here's a really good exercise you can do: write her a poison pen letter. Sit down, and let ALL your thoughts flow onto the page, whatever pops into your head. Write and write, until there's nothing left to say. DO NOT SEND THIS! Instead, create a fire ceremony, in which you watch it go up in flames. You can do this in the kitchen sink (it's safer), or in your back yard, if you have one, or in your barbecue. I guarantee you, you'll feel better after you do this. If you find your anger and resentment returning a couple of days later, repeat the exercise.
That is the best case scenario for her. She might pull this crap with the wrong guy and then...
She’s not the first person to verbally abuse me. I’ve been going through it all my life, from family to peers. Sometimes it feels like I was put here to be mistreated by others.
Yeah, you got to fight that feeling when it occurs. I myself do.
I myself have gone through all of the abuse physical, verbal, emotional, and even sexual. While it is natural to repeat these types of relationships, it does not have to be this way. Like you, I do deal with low self esteem, confidence issues and stuff like that, and I imagine my picker to be more or less defective.
I get mistreated as such too. But I know I wasn't put here as a punching bag. When you get into a relationship and you meet someone, you run the risk of running into the same thing you got out of. You have to have a thick resolve and learn to enjoy your own company so that you can walk away from foul treatment. This is what I am trying to do.
Classic narcissist 101. Narcissists are often nice at first to lure in their target. One form of it is called "Love Bombing".
I'm going to give you the name of someone to look up on YouTube, he goes into the nature of the narcissist.
If you can, go to YouTube and look up Assc Direct. He has tons of videos on the nature of the narcissist and how to deal with them.
I’ll look up those things, but I’m still not sure if she truly is one or not. She was pretty nice most of the time, it was only when she got angry that she would say those hurtful things to me. There were times where I feel like she showed genuine care for me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TJenkins602
Yeah, you got to fight that feeling when it occurs. I myself do.
I myself have gone through all of the abuse physical, verbal, emotional, and even sexual. While it is natural to repeat these types of relationships, it does not have to be this way. Like you, I do deal with low self esteem, confidence issues and stuff like that, and I imagine my picker to be more or less defective.
I get mistreated as such too. But I know I wasn't put here as a punching bag. When you get into a relationship and you meet someone, you run the risk of running into the same thing you got out of. You have to have a thick resolve and learn to enjoy your own company so that you can walk away from foul treatment. This is what I am trying to do.
But how do you tell yourself that when the evidence says otherwise? I can’t remember when I’ve ever felt happy with who I am. It’s like I’ve always been treated as if I didn’t belong or if I was less than.
And posting her texts???? You conveniently left out most of yours to her...
Sorry but we are only getting one side of the story here...
1. We both have iPhones. You can connect to WiFi networks even if your service is down and as long as you’re texting someone else with an iPhone, it’ll go through.
2. Even if you want to make that argument, under what context would wishing death on my mom and I and attacking my sisters be acceptable? Or admitting to using me. I even have more screenshots which show her being in the wrong that also show my texts.
I’ll look up those things, but I’m still not sure if she truly is one or not. She was pretty nice most of the time, it was only when she got angry that she would say those hurtful things to me. There were times where I feel like she showed genuine care for me.
But how do you tell yourself that when the evidence says otherwise? I can’t remember when I’ve ever felt happy with who I am. It’s like I’ve always been treated as if I didn’t belong or if I was less than.
It's tricky. It's like you have to retrain yourself.
I think you got to the root of the issue. You're not happy with yourself.
Do a couple of things. Ask yourself why you are not happy with who you are. Then ask yourself what type of person you want to be. What would make you happy with yourself.
I've asked myself and even though I am no there, I have an image and idea of the type of person I want to be. I put a lot of effort in getting there. The journey is tricky and you will sometimes get off track (speaking from my experience with my journey. Again, I am still not there, but I want to get as close as possible to the type of person I want to be).
It's tricky. It's like you have to retrain yourself.
I think you got to the root of the issue. You're not happy with yourself.
Do a couple of things. Ask yourself why you are not happy with who you are. Then ask yourself what type of person you want to be. What would make you happy with yourself.
I've asked myself and even though I am no there, I have an image and idea of the type of person I want to be. I put a lot of effort in getting there. The journey is tricky and you will sometimes get off track (speaking from my experience with my journey. Again, I am still not there, but I want to get as close as possible to the type of person I want to be).
It’s just frustrating because I didn’t ask to be put here nor did I ask for the abuse I’ve had to face in life. My ex is only one of the many people who’ve called me ugly, dumb, and useless before. You just get tired of hearing it after hearing it for so long. This is such a rough time in my life because I have other personal family-related issues going on along with this. It’s a miracle that I can force myself to wake up and go to work at this point. I’m not motivated to do anything.
It’s just frustrating because I didn’t ask to be put here nor did I ask for the abuse I’ve had to face in life. My ex is only one of the many people who’ve called me ugly, dumb, and useless before. You just get tired of hearing it after hearing it for so long. This is such a rough time in my life because I have other personal family-related issues going on along with this. It’s a miracle that I can force myself to wake up and go to work at this point. I’m not motivated to do anything.
Wow. I'm so sorry about this.
I've been there. I've been ugly and useless all my life. My own family called me that. (except for my mother and her side of the family).
I don't know what your family situation is like, but if you are dealing with family that is constantly putting you down and calling you dumb ugly and useless, then you're gonna have to put relationships in the backburner. It's possible you might be living with narcissists in your family. Your focus would have to be getting away from that and getting the help you need to move forward before relationships. Narcissists often try their best to sabotage anything good in their target's life.
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