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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Eh, plenty of my family and friends waited that long. My brother and SIL it was 7 years. Not one couple I know that waited more than 5 years have gotten divorced. May not be for everyone, but there is certainly no harm in it. My father and mother was about the same length of time, they both wanted to finish grad school and he had an army ROTC obligation.
I think by now I would know by two or three years, personally.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BellaLind
Let me ask this. Does anyone here really think anyone worth sticking with (male or female), if they are also dating other people, is going to still be available in 5-10 years? Or do you think someone who is "a keeper" is going to attract and end up in a committed relationship with someone else while you wait around?
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Yes and maybe yes, maybe no. It isn't about "waiting around" and often people stay single because they haven't found the right person. One of the two people I really wished to marry, we were together more or less 7-8 years, she is 48 now and not married (we met when she was 34), still dating. She just hasn't found the right person and may never. That's fine by her. She is one of the finest, smartest, and most sensual women I've ever met in my life.
Let me ask this. Does anyone here really think anyone worth sticking with (male or female), if they are also dating other people, is going to still be available in 5-10 years? Or do you think someone who is "a keeper" is going to attract and end up in a committed relationship with someone else while you wait around?
His advice to men sounds like a recipe for losing out on the "keeper women" while getting stuck with the women no other man want long-term.
Nope.
I don’t think they’d still be available at all.
And I agree on the recipe for losing out. I can say first hand, I had one get away after 5+ years and not being engaged. I think if I had proposed to her at any point in the last 4-6 months of the relationship, she wouldn’t have left me and we would have been married. By the last 4 months are so, the relationship was dying and I didn’t even know it until looking back on it.
Of course, I don’t care anymore, as I’m with someone else and I wasn’t really into getting married at 25-26, which was the age that I was when the relationship ended.
I think it all comes down to "do you see a future with this person"? And the more time you spend with a person, the more time you want to spend with that person. And there needs to be a trust aspect.
I've been happily married for 15 years now, so I haven't been in the dating pool for a long time now. But I was single for 11 yrs, between first husband and second husband.
I dated a guy for a few months, who said to me one day "I can see us going the distance together, once our kids are grown. His son was in high school, and mine was in junior high. (My oldest son was living with his dad at the time.)
This didn't sit well with me. What I heard was "You're good enough for banging and hanging out with here and there, but I don't want us to be life partners until the kids are out of the house."
Honestly, it was one of the 'ticks' against him (for me) that I broke up with him a month or 2 later. I didn't LIKE the concept of being on the back burner like that.
Compared to the man I'm married to now. One of his good friends had died, which brought home to him that no one knows how long they have on this earth, and he wanted me in his life, and didn't want to lose me. And then he asked me if I'd marry him. He thought I was worth having and trusting. It is an honor to be trusted by someone, and that person wants to make that commitment. And it is a respect paid to ME that THAT'S how he feels about me.
Five years is a good portion of time to get a decent understanding of someone in a variety of situions and circumstances and experience who they are outside of what they want to show to others they are.
That said, very few people would be willing to wait that long once you throw personal needs and desires in to the mix to muddy the pot.
All it takes is the feeling that they have met the right one and the gas peddle forwards is to the floor to capitalize on the moment
Personally speaking?
If someone I was truly in love and committed towards wanted to leave because they couldn’t have a paper and a ceremony to “prove my love” for them when they wanted it and that superseded EVERYTHING we had built and worked towards together as a couple as null and void. I would be more than willing to let them go find their true love elsewhere in the world, because that sure as hell isn't going to be me with that prerequisite in place.
Preach love and respect all you want, but if not getting a wedding when you have decided you want it is the major indicator of how you decide who loves you and who does not you’re not capable of understanding what love is, you’re only capable of understanding what “you” love to have happen to you and creating a hallmark card moment to tell others about your life.
Last edited by rego00123; 12-27-2017 at 12:02 PM..
Did anyone besides me and HC actually listen to the clip? I don’t even think the OP listened to it because this dating coach says clearly to make a woman wait 5-10 years for any commitment (not just marriage). That means you and her date around since you aren’t exclusive.
If you don’t want to listen to the whole thing, try the 2 minute mark. That’s where he says it. And at the 3:20 mark he says again you just keep a woman as a FB for 5-10 years, don’t even make her your girlfriend.
If he was talking about 5 years dating and commitment before marriage, I could see it. But to wait 5 years to move beyond just dating? Seems foolish. No one is going to wait that long unless they have no self esteem or don’t plan on ever committing to you either.
Last edited by BellaLind; 12-27-2017 at 12:37 PM..
No couples getting married would cut down the divorce rate.
With the way the courts are rigged and how big Govt is involved with marriage I doubt I'd do it again.
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