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HELL NAH, FOO. If she ordered an expensive ass meal and she didn't even offer to pitch in....not even pitch in for the tip, then she took advantage of your kindness. While it's not automatic grounds to break things off, I would keep an eye out for this behavior. Hell, I would even talk to her about it and tell her how you feel. Maybe in her mind, she didn't do anything wrong.
This reminds me of a date I went on with this woman. She ordered nearly $40 for sushi but I reluctantly paid for it. And it wasn't that I couldn't afford it,(like a previous poster ignorantly stated in your case) it was the principal of the situation. It's safe to say that her and I didn't make it past the first date; we weren't compatible. (not just the sushi thing, just things in general)
If you invite her out she shouldn’t have to “pitch in” to pay for the meal. Unless some ground rules were set prior as to what was expected i.e, nothing over $xx, separate tickets, x party picks up the tip etc, there is no reason to expect your date to pick up part of the tab
Kindness? What was it? A pity date? And who pities who?
The guy described the meal price as a “punch to his wallet”. If $50 is a punch to your wallet then you can’t afford THAT restaurant
The reason you reluctantly paid the $40 for sushi was most likely because the date wasn’t going well and you subconsciously saw it as a waste of your time and money.
Quote:
Originally Posted by grad_student200
You ever notice how lobsters look like large insects?
It's not about what the "treat-ee" is ENTITLED to get away with; it's about what's the THOUGHTFUL thing to do. If I were being treated to dinner, and my companion ordered the $100 entree, I would assume that I could do likewise. If my companion ordered the least expensive item on the menu, I would not think that it was THOUGHTFUL or MANNERLY to order something 3X the price. Someone who sees a date as an opportunity to "get away with" ordering the most expensive thing there, on the grounds that someone else is paying, does not sound like someone you want to have a long term mutual relationship with, based on respect and shared values.
It is also possible she's just clueless about good manners.
This. For those who said that she should order anything off the menu, let me ask you a question? If that was your money that you were spending, would you have the same attitude?
If you invite her out she shouldn’t have to “pitch in” to pay for the meal.
Kindness? What was it? A pity date?
The guy described the meal price as a “punch to his wallet”. If $50 is a punch to your wallet then you can’t afford THAT restaurant
a punch to his wallet could also mean it was more expensive than he anticipated. Maybe he could afford it but he didn't anticipate it being so much. And yes, it is kindness when you take someone out on a date and pay for meals. And when women invite me out to lunch/dinner and willing to pay, I automatically try to pitch in. And if I order something that costs "more than average'', then I certainly pitch in. At the very least, I would get the tip. Meh. I'm probably different than most people, I guess. I don't like to take advantage of someone's generosity.
Oh for sure, and "women are opportunists who just want free meals all the time" is a time-honored tradition that appears to NEVER get old, so...
To be fair I don't see this assertion being made.
Women most certainly do not just want free stuff all the time.
There are women here that posted that they themselves would not try to take advantage of their date's generosity in the manner posted
I have posted having and enjoying the company of ladies in my circle of friends that wouldn't take advantage of my friendship and thus generosity to treat them to a nice dinner.
What we are talking about is one single individual the OP had a dinner date with.
Some women do take advantage of men during dates. The discussion in this thread revolves around whether the actions of this particular individual falls under such behavior.
I personally think it does... The OP felt it does or else he wouldn't post (assuming genuine post). Others do agree. Yet Others don't agree. Fine..
But not go off the deep end.... The world isn't anti women as you sometimes make it out to be. Just like some men sometimes make it sound like there is a feminist-extremist-boogeywoman hiding in every corner... Which is silly as well.
I am giving the OP the benefit of doubt. Sounds like he felt like the date was a hustle... He wasn't here just pushing buttons. He probably determined his decision on the matter on page 1 or 2 and moved on. There really isn't much for him to add... Perception is everything... And the end result is the end result whether or not one intended it. One does still take responsibility for the perceived intent behind their choices and actions. If one doesnt wants to seem superficial and materialistic, then don't do things that look like you are.
Why would you take a woman to a restaurant you didn't know? At least if you're the one picking it and it's not one of those "let's do something completely new". Most restaurants have their menus online and most of them have prices too. Anyway, it's pretty easy to have a general idea of a place and what's simpler than going to a place where you KNOW the menu? This is dating 101.
That's my point even a restaurant that I go to regularly may have items that are hard on the wallet but I would not be thinking of that if the vast majority of menu items are reasonably priced.
think of it this way, say your favorite restaurant has about 80-90 items on the menu, you have eaten there many time and have tried about 90% of whats on the menu about 30% of whats on the menu is in the $5 - $10 range about 60% is in the $15-25ish range then there is that 10% in the $40- $60+ range(it's usually one item in each section on the top right corner of the menu thats the only item with an actual photo that I've trained my brain to ignore over the years).
So when you are thinking of taking a date there and you have been there a million times,have eaten 90% of whats on the menu and on average spend about 20-30 bucks in the place meal and drinks included you are thinking probably double that paying for a date there. especially if there are only 4 or 5 expensive dishes out of 80-90 different dishes they serve. I mean what are the odds that one of those 4 wallet breaking items is where her eyes will land on the menu and set her mouth to watering? I mean women aren't as materialistic as guys here say they are right?
It's kinda funny that guys are told they are wrong when they say women only go after guys with big money, but if a guy questions a woman's motives when she orders one of the top items on a menu, or when you ask her "whatcha wanna do tonite?" and she always suggests someplace or something costly, he gets labeled as CHEAP.
Look women who do this aren't stupid, you look at the menu most people know (even if the prices aren't on the menu) what the high dollar items are, and going straight for those items when on a first dinner date says alot about the woman, the op paid for the meal as he was supposed to but I don't blame him for feeling used in that situation.
it was a first dinner date and she behaved like it was an anniversary diner.
This was right after I had ordered an $18 Halibut..So yeah. I didn't say anything to her as I wanted to be polite, but ouch that's a punch to my wallet.
Tonight was our first dinner together and she didn't offer to help pay the bill either. To be fair she did offer me a piece, and also it is Valentines and I am the one who asked her out. She was excited about going out too..
I'm torn on why the sticker shock is bugging me, I keep thinking about it. I feel like the date was fun and she is incredible in a lot of ways and I find her attractive.. but I'm kinda feeling put off a bit too about it...
I paid for the bill. My concern isn't that I paid. I'm glad to do something nice for her.
My concern is I feel she wasn't considerate at all, and it is weighing on my mind. I'm sorting out my feelings right now. I find her attractive in many ways, but that was a big turn off :/
I come from an era where the man pays. Always, and 100%, no matter who asks who out. I also would be prepared to pay whatever the woman wanted, and I would know up front how expensive of a restaurant I selected. I don't see her choice of meal as a character flaw. You took her there, so I would suspect she'd think she could order whatever.
Yes, if a woman insists on paying, I accept that, but will try to find a way to reciprocate in the future.
If the budding relationship continues past the first date or two, it's nice for anyone of either sex to reciprocate in some way, even if it's just paying for coffee or an ice cream after a post-meal stroll in the park.
I'm not sure what to think about the "man always pays" part. If I asked someone out and he insisted on paying, I think I would worry that he did so because he believed I was asking him out just for a free meal. Generally, I think if you invite someone out on a date, you should be prepared to pay for the meal, movie, concert ticket, or whatever, unless the relationship has reached the point that you share the decision and the expense.
As for her meal choice, I don't think it makes her a bad person, but when I have been someone's guest at a restaurant, be it on a date, or just a friend who says "my treat," I usually ask what they are having or what is good there, just to get a sense of how much they feel comfortable spending.
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That's my point even a restaurant that I go to regularly may have items that are hard on the wallet but I would not be thinking of that if the vast majority of menu items are reasonably priced.
