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I dunno, the OP is allowed to miss the signs if he was never romantically interested in her and grieving. Im sure Emily has been in the situation herself where she had an orbiter as many women do, but never tell the orbiter that she will never be interested in him.
But if Emily was into him and didnt make that clear, thats her fault that he didnt notice, not his. She didnt do things to get him to like her more, she failed. If she was too busy playing it coy, thats her own fault.
If the OP BP knew she was interested and didnt dissuede her, he could have communicated, but all over CD I see threads of people telling posters that they lead themselves on when they were friend zoned, and its only their fault.
This looks to me like the typical unrequited love situation and Emily didnt strike while the iron was hot.
She has to deal with that. Ill even dare say this wasnt a true friendship if Emily had a relationship as a goal.
Thank you. I had no idea she had feelings for me if that is what is going on and I can't be blamed for that.
Thank you. I had no idea she had feelings for me if that is what is going on and I can't be blamed for that.
But the point is, even if she just viewed as a friend, you haven't been a good one.
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Has this happened to you personally??? You seem to be taking this personally.
Yeah, the OP was pretty clumsy and yeah probably shouldn't have done it.
He's not some axe grinding murderer here.
If the sexes were flipped and some woman was telling the story I'd have the same basic views on it.
We don't have enough long term history and understanding about the OP to jump to such hostile views and read as many assumptions into things here. If the OP had said things that implied that he done it before or was more flippant about it than I could see being a bit more hostile.
Disclaimer; I haven't read the entire thread so I'm only answer regarding the original post.
Personally? He** no. I could care less. The guy, a One hit wonder, is playing victim and looking to everyone for sympathy. as far as Ax murderer, no, just a sick person and he can't reveal more than that. Plus, reading the first post. Do the math.
Found out Ex cheating in January, stayed together, didn't file for divorce until July. So, not sure which state he is in, but, most that I know of, takes at least 60 days to get some sort of finality. Also, he joined a single parents group, but has a grandchild? hmmmm one should ponder.
Was communicating with Emily since April? she has 3 months of his time, but, apparently the ex still lived with him, ergo the, "Out of the blue comment" so, that parts fishy too. Trying to work out marital problems and you have a female on the side you are confiding in more than the woman you are stating you want to reconcile with. Fishy also.
Has a 2 month relationship with someone he met in a single parent's group, yet, he has no young children?
Didn't start dropping communication with Emily til August, so, she was in the picture til end of July. Meaning he used her while he was still with his ex, all the way up to the courthouse steps, but, by most standards, he really isn't legally divorced yet. I mean, 14 years? and you can settle it in under 90 days? WOW! extraordinary. Every response has been, I'm the victim, I have an excuse.
Just don't like the people that claim they have no accountability for their actions. "I'm doing all this because I'm a victim excuse" Hell, he aint been single for a day!
Even in his last post!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blueplanet123
Thank you. I had no idea she had feelings for me if that is what is going on and I can't be blamed for that.
My wife cheated and I found out in January. I eventually asked her to leave in April. We officially separated in July. I leant on Emily for support from April up till August.
I have a grandson. He is my son's who is 30. I have four kids in total, him, a 28 year old, a 17 yr old and a 7 yr old. I joined the single parent group as I still have the 17 yr old and 7 yr old living with me.
You are making a lot of assumptions about me without checking.
Personally? He** no. I could care less. The guy, a One hit wonder, is playing victim and looking to everyone for sympathy. as far as Ax murderer, no, just a sick person and he can't reveal more than that. Plus, reading the first post. Do the math.
Found out Ex cheating in January, stayed together, didn't file for divorce until July. So, not sure which state he is in, but, most that I know of, takes at least 60 days to get some sort of finality. Also, he joined a single parents group, but has a grandchild? hmmmm one should ponder.
Was communicating with Emily since April? she has 3 months of his time, but, apparently the ex still lived with him, ergo the, "Out of the blue comment" so, that parts fishy too. Trying to work out marital problems and you have a female on the side you are confiding in more than the woman you are stating you want to reconcile with. Fishy also.
Has a 2 month relationship with someone he met in a single parent's group, yet, he has no young children?
Didn't start dropping communication with Emily til August, so, she was in the picture til end of July. Meaning he used her while he was still with his ex, all the way up to the courthouse steps, but, by most standards, he really isn't legally divorced yet. I mean, 14 years? and you can settle it in under 90 days? WOW! extraordinary. Every response has been, I'm the victim, I have an excuse.
Just don't like the people that claim they have no accountability for their actions. "I'm doing all this because I'm a victim excuse" Hell, he aint been single for a day!
Even in his last post!
Sounds like you need to take up an investigator type job, I hear insurance industry fraud detection is a good gig.
The single parent thing didn't make all that much sense, i agree.
Plenty of people live together even though the marriage is dead, that isn't uncommon.
Let’s be honest when someone gets in a relationship there opposite sex friendships even close ones fade for many reasons..it’s just the dynamic of it.
When a good friend of mine rejected me she told me how I’ll always be one of her best friends and I told her that’s probably not possible and how if she gets serious with the guy she’s talking to then we’re barely gonna see each other anymore and not be as close.
She got mad at me but it’s the truth.
That hasn't been the case for me. My friends are my friends, and I wouldn't date nor marry anyone who expected me to ditch friends for them. I need my friends in my life, men and women, they aren't disposable. Regardless, this isn't about that. This is about using someone when you need support, and then ditching them and not even being honest that you are now dating someone.
My wife cheated and I found out in January. I eventually asked her to leave in April. We officially separated in July. I leant on Emily for support from April up till August.
I have a grandson. He is my son's who is 30. I have four kids in total, him, a 28 year old, a 17 yr old and a 7 yr old. I joined the single parent group as I still have the 17 yr old and 7 yr old living with me.
You are making a lot of assumptions about me without checking.
"We were married for 14 years so this came completely out of the blue. I found out in January but it wasn't until April that I asked her to leave. I was hoping for a reconciliation but in July she announced she didn't want to continue our marriage."
Then you didn't get a divorce in less than 90 days! Maybe you should Clarify your clarifications! or, add something later that will enhance your position. You said she sprung it on you Out of the blue in July, Now you asked her to move out? So, which city do ya'll live in? Who's paying child support to whom? You got a 17 year old, ( been married for 14 years? (Um didn't you say you weren't much in the dating scene?) also a 30 year old? 17 year old that can't watch a 7 year old? You know you did wrong. Why can't you be accountable for your own actions?
I dunno, the OP is allowed to miss the signs if he was never romantically interested in her and grieving. Im sure Emily has been in the situation herself where she had an orbiter as many women do, but never tell the orbiter that she will never be interested in him.
But if Emily was into him and didnt make that clear, thats her fault that he didnt notice, not his. She didnt do things to get him to like her more, she failed. If she was too busy playing it coy, thats her own fault.
If the OP BP knew she was interested and didnt dissuede her, he could have communicated, but all over CD I see threads of people telling posters that they lead themselves on when they were friend zoned, and its only their fault.
This looks to me like the typical unrequited love situation and Emily didnt strike while the iron was hot.
She has to deal with that. Ill even dare say this wasnt a true friendship if Emily had a relationship as a goal.
We don't know the Emily wanted a relationship with him. All we know is she wanted to be treated with respect, as a friend like anyone would want. The OP can't see that possibly he wasn't a good friend to her and it has nothing to do with her wanting him as a boyfriend. We shouldn't always assume just because a woman is being a friend that her goal is a relationship.
My wife cheated and I found out in January. I eventually asked her to leave in April. We officially separated in July. I leant on Emily for support from April up till August.
I have a grandson. He is my son's who is 30. I have four kids in total, him, a 28 year old, a 17 yr old and a 7 yr old. I joined the single parent group as I still have the 17 yr old and 7 yr old living with me.
You are making a lot of assumptions about me without checking.
It's the new age we're in. Leap without all of the data, it's all around us now.
Then you didn't get a divorce in less than 90 days! Maybe you should Clarify your clarifications! or, add something later that will enhance your position. You said she sprung it on you Out of the blue in July, Now you asked her to move out? So, which city do ya'll live in? Who's paying child support to whom? You got a 17 year old, that can't watch a 7 year old? You know you did wrong. Why can't you be accountable for your own actions?
If you have all these kids, maybe you should be focusing on them instead of a new relationship anyways. The kids whole world has just been torn apart as they knew it, yet the thing on your mind is to find a new girlfriend? So sad. can you even go a year alone and just focus on your kids? This new woman shouldn't even be a factor in their life, or yours really at this point. Leave Emily alone, and when this new girlfriend ends, do not go to her for support.
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