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Serious question. I would like to know other's experiences, male or female, and how you dealt with it. In my case, it is my wife. She started dressing more frumpy these last two years, won't do her hair, and sometimes won't shower for longer than I'd prefer. I have tried to be gentle and very softly push..."hey, I love it when you get your done, so make an appt" or "let's get dressed up and go on a date this week, even if it's at the house after the kids are asleep" or "man I love it when you wear such and such or do your hair a certain way". I dunno....been married 11 years and I love her and don't have wandering eyes, but I am really struggling and losing interest. I will not cheat, never. That is not my MO, but I also know that I am waning in attraction and it scares me.
I am sure anyone would say, "well what are YOU doing to stay kept or in shape"? I do Crossfit and S/C 5 days a week. That has been its own source of tension for us. Yes, she has the time and ability to go do so herself. She used to be a personal trainer LOL.... I manscape, shower daily, and don't dress like a dork LOL....she always tells me how good looking I am, almost to the point of awkwardness for me. So, I "think" I am doing my part. I get pretty jealous of couples that work out together or go to a CrossFit gym together. There are many at mine.
I am really not trying to be a jerk here, just trying to deal with a real issue that I know other couples deal with.
It seems like there might be something going on with her mentally. Depression, maybe? Start with a physical check up.
You don’t really give enough info. Do you have kids? Does she take care of them and the house the same way she used to? Do her friends or family notice anything?
It seems like there might be something going on with her mentally. Depression, maybe? Start with a physical check up.
You don’t really give enough info. Do you have kids? Does she take care of them and the house the same way she used to? Do her friends or family notice anything?
Thanks for the reply. Yes, I think depression is the obvious answer, but getting her to do something about it is another monster. We have two younger kids (6 and 11) that I offer to take all the time so she can have a day to herself to pamper, etc.... I have offered countless times to move our schedule so she can go to the gym and have her time, but it's excuse after excuse. I guess I know the answer....just wonder what others have done or what else I can do. I am at a loss, and she and I have discussed it at length. I end up feeling kind of stupid and bad for even saying anything.
It's great that you're talking , but if she really is stressed or depressed or anxious, ask her what she needs to do to feel better about herself. It might not be the same thing as what you think that she needs--maybe it's not pampering and the gym at all.
Last edited by fleetiebelle; 10-09-2022 at 09:09 AM..
Thanks for the reply. Yes, I think depression is the obvious answer, but getting her to do something about it is another monster. We have two younger kids (6 and 11) that I offer to take all the time so she can have a day to herself to pamper, etc.... I have offered countless times to move our schedule so she can go to the gym and have her time, but it's excuse after excuse. I guess I know the answer....just wonder what others have done or what else I can do. I am at a loss, and she and I have discussed it at length. I end up feeling kind of stupid and bad for even saying anything.
If you have discussed this issue at length what does she say?
How old is your wife?
with 2 kids,6 and 11,I assume she is in early 40s? or late 30s?
Menopause can hit a woman as early as 30s.
Depression could be another reason,same old same old routine at home,she does not feel challenged or feel creative?
Does she still cook family meals.shop for grocery ,do laundry and clean house?
Not taking a bath or shower for days is bad news ,my uncle after his wife past away would not take bath,change underwear,change clothes !
I know a woman who married a man,his attitude towards workout is to sit down until the idea goes away.
Not everyone wants to expand energy heaving and puffing in a gym,what for??
Rice farmers in Thailand,coolie rickshaw drivers in India and China would agree!
try some new ideas-
You should offer to take the kids and do all the housework as soon as you get home and give her copious free time to go fulfill herself and perhaps start working part time. She will probably spiff herself up to attract employers and clientele. Show her how it’s done- keep up all childcare and housework and be fashionable, with good hair and grooming.
Serious question. I would like to know other's experiences, male or female, and how you dealt with it. In my case, it is my wife. She started dressing more frumpy these last two years, won't do her hair, and sometimes won't shower for longer than I'd prefer. I have tried to be gentle and very softly push..."hey, I love it when you get your done, so make an appt" or "let's get dressed up and go on a date this week, even if it's at the house after the kids are asleep" or "man I love it when you wear such and such or do your hair a certain way". I dunno....been married 11 years and I love her and don't have wandering eyes, but I am really struggling and losing interest. I will not cheat, never. That is not my MO, but I also know that I am waning in attraction and it scares me.
I am sure anyone would say, "well what are YOU doing to stay kept or in shape"? I do Crossfit and S/C 5 days a week. That has been its own source of tension for us. Yes, she has the time and ability to go do so herself. She used to be a personal trainer LOL.... I manscape, shower daily, and don't dress like a dork LOL....she always tells me how good looking I am, almost to the point of awkwardness for me. So, I "think" I am doing my part. I get pretty jealous of couples that work out together or go to a CrossFit gym together. There are many at mine.
I am really not trying to be a jerk here, just trying to deal with a real issue that I know other couples deal with.
These past two years have been rough for a lot of people as well as hard on their interpersonal relationships. Does your wife work from home? I only ask because I wonder if that got her into the groove of not taking her usual care with her personal hygiene and appearance as well as perhaps causing some emotional issues as in person work can sometimes be a social outlet in a way that working from home is not.
I can also say that depression or just a feeling of general malaise could be an underlying cause of these changes in your wife. It's not easy either being the person who's personally dealing with depression or the person/people who care for the person who's dealing with depression. (I've had experience with both roles; neither is easy with easy, pat solutions.)
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