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I know if I really want to save this marraige we could do it. The question is do i want to save it? When I think about it I lean more towards NO. Maybe I should also fill you in on something else. This guy at work and I have been flirting alot. My issues with my husband started before this did. I am really thinking about hooking up with this guy. I know he is not someone I would ever want to settle down with, but I know we would have fun together. Second, my husban went through my cell phone bill and saw text messages from this guys number. Truthfully all the texts were work related, but my husband had a very hard time beleiving that. He said that is why we are having all these issues in our marraige.
When I first realized that I had a major problem was when we finally went out by ourselves. We spent the day together and it was very uncomfortable to say the least. We practally sat in silence all day. we had nothing to talk about. I just want to leave. Thats when I started to quesiton staying in this marriage.
I have a very selfish approach to my happiness. It's my life and I only get one chance I'll take my own happiness any day even if it means breaking up a family. He's healthy, it's not like you are abandoning a sick person who needs you - that's a whole 'nother animal. I've watched too many people stay together out of loyalty, family pressure, guilt etc I say take it when you can, but not without trying for a solution first.
I know if I really want to save this marraige we could do it. The question is do i want to save it? When I think about it I lean more towards NO. Maybe I should also fill you in on something else. This guy at work and I have been flirting alot. My issues with my husband started before this did. I am really thinking about hooking up with this guy. I know he is not someone I would ever want to settle down with, but I know we would have fun together. Second, my husban went through my cell phone bill and saw text messages from this guys number. Truthfully all the texts were work related, but my husband had a very hard time beleiving that. He said that is why we are having all these issues in our marraige.
You are now sounding like you have regressed back to a dumb teenager. I think your husband might be the lucky one if you decide to go.
I know if I really want to save this marraige we could do it. The question is do i want to save it? When I think about it I lean more towards NO. Maybe I should also fill you in on something else. This guy at work and I have been flirting alot. My issues with my husband started before this did. I am really thinking about hooking up with this guy. I know he is not someone I would ever want to settle down with, but I know we would have fun together. Second, my husban went through my cell phone bill and saw text messages from this guys number. Truthfully all the texts were work related, but my husband had a very hard time beleiving that. He said that is why we are having all these issues in our marraige.
It's obvious you had your eyes on something else.....I really feel for your kids....they don't deserve what your about to put them through for no good reason......how selfish. I can tell you with 99.9999999% accuracy that you will regret it and you will be disapointed because it won't be what you think it will be.....guaranteed. But in the end.....you have no one to blame but yourself, remember that.
You are on the path EXACTLY like my Ex. She thought lots of guys were great because they TALKED AND LISTENED TO HER. And as soon as they nod it's all over, the guy becomes quantum leaps ahead of your husband. Except you're forgetting something, a guy want's into your pants, he's going to agree with you when you fix him a nice dog crap salad with motor oil dressing!
Let me give you my background so hopefully you all can help me make the biggest desicion of my life. I met my husband when I was just 14 (he was 15). He was my one and only. We moved in together when I was 18 becasue my mom kicked me out of the house. When I was 22 we got married. AT 23 I had my first little girl. At 25 I had my second child. Fast forward 10 years ------ Here I am 32 married and miserable. The problem is MY HUSBAND IS GREAT. I should be happy. We have always had our kids with us, never any babysitters. us and the girls 24/7. Now I feel like I don't know him, but worst, I feel like I don't even want to try to know him. I feel like this is my last chance at my own life. I want to go out with my friends when I want to. I want to date other people. Live my OWN LIFE. We have discussed this several time over the last few months. Every time we do, I end up feeling so bad for him He says how much he loves me (which he always did tell me that over the years) He asks what he can do to make me happy and want to stay with him. He has a sucky family. My family is basically his family, so I feel like I would be ripping him away from not only me but everyone else.
Also, I have recently lost 120 lbs. and I look and feel better then I ever have. He thinks this is why I want out. Maybe it is. I really don't know. What I know it that for years before I lost the weight, I didn't like sleeping with him, but now its even worst. I have to force myself to let him touch me. I really don't know what to do. I feel guilty that I am going to ruin my childrens lives. He is a great husban and a great dad. What should I do????
You have a lot invested in this marriage, I would investigate the options BEFORE making what will be a huge life-impacting decision. Options would include marriage and\or sex therapy but it sounds like you have *snapped* already and frankly I hold little hope that you aren't staring at 4-5 years of bar-ho living followed by a period of remorse. (Also, you assume your family will back you and not him out of this? Hmmmm.....maybe, maybe not.)
Lets be honest, you have lost weight and are now getting guy attention and you basically want to be free to jump them and sew your oats. I went on a date with a gal a couple weeks back that fits your description to a T. Only fast-forward 10 years. Basically, she is lonely and a bit roughed up from sewing her oats and being a "bad-girl" and is now looking for the right guy but frankly the dating scene isn't so hot for her anymore. (insert joke at my expense here)
Most guys are going to take a hard look at your background and put you in the "good time" but not "long term" category. The better catches likely won't put you in either category.
P.S. Sounds like you want him to take the kids too?
I know you all are right. I don't deserve him. He is better without me. I know what a horrible, selfish person I am. I feel horrible. I don't want to feel this way. I want to love my life with my family and be happy, but I am not happy. I know all about how guys just say what you want to hear to get in your pants. Maybe that is what I want and what I deserve. I just cant make sense out of it all.
Mathguy-you hit the nail on the head. I am afraid that is exactlly what is going to happen to me. What can I do to change how I feel? And NO, I WANT MY KIDS WITH ME.
I know you all are right. I don't deserve him. He is better without me. I know what a horrible, selfish person I am. I feel horrible. I don't want to feel this way. I want to love my life with my family and be happy, but I am not happy. I know all about how guys just say what you want to hear to get in your pants. Maybe that is what I want and what I deserve. I just cant make sense out of it all.
After reading this I feel you're better off just doing what you want to do instead of subjecting people to reading the whining of a teenager. I'm through.
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