How can you tell if you were used? - I NEED ADVICE.... (dating, how to)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I'm new to these forums.... I need some advice, can anyone help....
I was seeing a guy, and deeply in love with him. He said he wanted to do some more sexual things, than the type I really wanted to do. He asked it on my birthday and when I said no, then at the end of the day broke up with me on my birthday apparently due to that. He said we would be friends either way, and I met up with him one time after, but then after he said it was too hard for him to be in contact with him. Now I am treated like I dont exist. Though I got a Christmas card from him, but nothing for my birthday in February, not even a text. It makes me wonder if that whole time I was just used.
And yes, I realise now I gave too much of myself without seeing and safeguarding the sitaution in full before I did. I feel awful now, and just dont know what was true or not.
Does anyone have advice on how you can tell? As I have no peace of mind.
Ugh....been there, done that, got the t-shirt to prove it! Sometimes you can't tell until it's too late. You just have to learn from it and know how to better prepare yourself against it in the future.
It's an awful experience to be used and I'm sorry you had to deal with such a lousy person who based his feelings for you on sex alone.
Ugh....been there, done that, got the t-shirt to prove it! Sometimes you can't tell until it's too late. You just have to learn from it and know how to better prepare yourself against it in the future.
It's an awful experience to be used and I'm sorry you had to deal with such a lousy person who based his feelings for you on sex alone.
Good riddens I say and move on.
^^^^
This. Total agreement. It's a crap-shoot and there's not a lot you can do about it other than learn so you don't repeat mistakes. He sounds like a dreadful mistake.
Sunflower: It's pretty much unavoidable that some people will use you as a means to an end. The "red flags" that everyone likes to talk about so much and that seem so clear in retrospect are actually very elusive. All you can do, is do whatever feels right, avoid uncomfortable situations, and not dwell on the past too much. You were right not to force yourself to go through with sexual acts that you don't enjoy. A lot of women feel like they are obligated to accommodate, even to the point of injury. You did the right thing, and now, just forget this guy.
Hi, I am just so sad, down and low, as I deeply loved him. Feel so awful now, so bad and stuck and part of it is not knowing the true reality.
Well time has a way of making things hurt less and less. I would spend it with family, friends and enjoying myself. Do not waste one more emotion on this guy. He isn't worthy of it.
Hi, I am just so sad, down and low, as I deeply loved him. Feel so awful now, so bad and stuck and part of it is not knowing the true reality.
It's really, really hard to move past something like that, but I promise it will get easier. Right now it's fresh, still stings.
Just remember -- if you not being comfortable with some sexual acts was enough to make the guy break up with you AND he pulled the "It hurts for me to be near you" thing as a way of pushing you aside, when ALL it was about was some sex he wanted to pull, he was messing with your head.
When he told you it hurt too much to be around you, it was supposed to make you think you were really, really something special and he's in pain over the loss -- yet he's the one who did the leaving, he's the one who broke up OVER SEX. Not because you wouldn't, but because you wouldn't get your freak on with him.
Tell me, does that sound like the kind of man WORTH your love and devotion?
It will take a little while but you'll be okay, I promise. Ignore him back; fake it for a while until it becomes natural.
I'm new to these forums.... I need some advice, can anyone help....
I was seeing a guy, and deeply in love with him. He said he wanted to do some more sexual things, than the type I really wanted to do. He asked it on my birthday and when I said no, then at the end of the day broke up with me on my birthday apparently due to that. He said we would be friends either way, and I met up with him one time after, but then after he said it was too hard for him to be in contact with him. Now I am treated like I dont exist. Though I got a Christmas card from him, but nothing for my birthday in February, not even a text. It makes me wonder if that whole time I was just used.
And yes, I realise now I gave too much of myself without seeing and safeguarding the sitaution in full before I did. I feel awful now, and just dont know what was true or not.
Does anyone have advice on how you can tell? As I have no peace of mind.
Thanks
Yes. I'm so very sorry, but yes.
If he cared about you, he would have at the very least TRIED to wait until you were ready for sexual intimacy. That he would not wait, and that he ended it with you on your birthday speaks volumes about his character.
He was thinking first and foremost of himself, his needs, not yours.
It's understandable for two people who are deeply in love, who are dating and feel chemistry, to desire sexual intimacy. But if one isn't ready, the other must wait. You weren't ready, and the moment he knew he wouldn't be getting what he wanted - your sexuality - he decided to let you go.
He strikes me as a very young man, and if he's not that young, as a very selfish and shallow person. comfort yourself by knowing that you saw his true colors before it got even more serious and before you gave any more of yourself to him.
I'm new to these forums.... I need some advice, can anyone help....
I was seeing a guy, and deeply in love with him. He said he wanted to do some more sexual things, than the type I really wanted to do. He asked it on my birthday and when I said no, then at the end of the day broke up with me on my birthday apparently due to that. He said we would be friends either way, and I met up with him one time after, but then after he said it was too hard for him to be in contact with him. Now I am treated like I dont exist. Though I got a Christmas card from him, but nothing for my birthday in February, not even a text. It makes me wonder if that whole time I was just used.
And yes, I realise now I gave too much of myself without seeing and safeguarding the sitaution in full before I did. I feel awful now, and just dont know what was true or not.
Does anyone have advice on how you can tell? As I have no peace of mind.
Thanks
Well it sounds to me like you completely avoided being used if you didn't give into his desire of whatever he wanted you to do sexually that you were against. Which is good! It's not a bad thing you didn't do it you have to know your limitations within any relationship/situation. But it sounds to me like this guy was simply out for what he could get from you. Just move on, you didn't lose anything and kept your self respect and dignity. Imagine how humiliated you would feel if you actually did give into what he wanted and then broke up!
You should feel proud of yourself.
Also, sounds to me like you were into him more than he was into you. Infatuated maybe, and your mind was clouded by the feeling of being "in love" with someone who wasn't really being honest and was somewhat manipulative. You learned a very good lesson here with this guy.
Use what you learned from him and don't ignore the signs of a "user" the next time another "user" comes along.
Also, keep in mind that you're going to kiss your fair number of frogs before you find a guy who's a keeper. Every relationship is a chance to learn about yourself and different people. You definitely grow emotionally and spiritually with every relationship (successful or not). Chock it up as a learning experience and don't hang your head low for too long the pain is only temporary. Don't beat yourself up over someone who wasn't right for you from the start. And most important of all, don't keep rewinding that tape in your mind - don't look back go forward.
It can take quite awhile to get to know someone and sometimes a person can become very emotionally attached to them before they discover they're really not compatible. I don't think there's any way to foresee this in advance and it happens all the time. It doesn't seem like a good idea to dwell on the past and keep churning around painful memories. I think the best advice is to try to forget this guy and move on with your life.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Sometimes you can't tell until it's too late. You just have to learn from it and know how to better prepare yourself against it in the future. 
