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Don't beat yourself up over someone who wasn't right for you from the start. And most important of all, don't keep rewinding that tape in your mind - don't look back go forward.
And how do I know he wasnt right for me, I really felt deeply for him, and that he was right for me.
I could have and done some of the things, they werent such a big deal it just wasnt discussed properly and he sprung it on me, and then just left. Like I feel totally abandoned. It's so hard, when the person who you felt so strongly for and deeply loved just does that and leaves me like that.
I'm so broken hearted and broken spirit, to my core.
It's been awhile now and I'm having trouble moving on, feel so sad, as I feel I should be with him, and now am not. Bit like in the film Sliding Doors where time has gone wrong to a different path and outcome that shouldnt be at all this way. I loved him so much and I am really struggling to get over this, this is all wrong, and I should be with him.
How can someone not talk it through properly to the other and then just go and treat you like you dont exist now.
He strikes me as a very young man, and if he's not that young, as a very selfish and shallow person. comfort yourself by knowing that you saw his true colors before it got even more serious and before you gave any more of yourself to him.
He was the second, but that doesnt make it any better, because I just love him so much.
Typically if u feel used it is because u was used. And if u don't like it then sever the tie or connection to the user. If that is too difficult then refuse to let them use u and often times the user will sever all ties with u.
you were in love with the man you thought he was not the man he really was. don't waste another moment of your time thinkink about someone not man enough for a real relationship.
you made the right decision, the dude was a jerk and you're way better off without him. you may feel down in the dumps now but time heals all wounds. someday when you meet a dude that really respects you, loves you, and would never dream of hurting you like this douche bag did, then you'll be thinking to yourself - what the hell was i thinking! be glad you were smart enough to not be duped.
I'm probably going to sound like the bad guy here, but I have a question. Why do you feel he used you? Did he require you to do things you didn't want to do, or did he just drop you when you wouldn't do things you didn't want to do? In my mind there is a difference. If he dated you and spent money on you, that certainly doesn't give him the right to enjoy a sexual relationship with you if you don't want one also. But if he dated you and spent money on you and you enjoyed these activities (regardless of what they were), I can't see where he was using you. Is it possible that he dumped you because you wouldn't allow him to use you? Maybe if you can see there is a difference, you will feel a bit better about your decision to said no. I think you did the right thing by saying no. And I don't think much of a guy that would dump a lady just because she wouldn't engage in activities she didn't think proper. I see why he dropped you, but that doesn't make it right. You will fine that time heals all wounds, you will also find that next time you will be a bit more alert and know what might happen in the future. It will be hard for you to believe this, but you will find another guy, that is even a better match for you than this guy was. And, the guy that dropped you won't be the last jerk you have to contend with, just be more watchfull for some of those 'red flags' that have been mentioned in other posts. Good luck.
Why do you feel he used you? Did he require you to do things you didn't want to do, or did he just drop you when you wouldn't do things you didn't want to do? In my mind there is a difference.
Both, yes and yes.
I feel used because I was dropped in an instant for saying no, when it was a question sprung on me, and no proper discussion before or after. Almost like his way and you must say yes yes yes, or you are dropped. No compromise, and no love of me, just using me for sex it feels like now. When I thought he loved "me", me the person.
Hi, I am just so sad, down and low, as I deeply loved him. Feel so awful now, so bad and stuck and part of it is not knowing the true reality.
I am very sorry this has happened to you To avoid it in the future, the best thing you can do to protect yourself is to have standards that you will not back down from. In the future, if every other word out of the guy's mouth is sex, beware, he's there for a lay. If there is true interest, he wants to know about ALL of you, your aspirations, you thoughts about things, not just where he can take you to bed. Men do tell us who they are up front, whether they realize it or not. We ladies have to be paying strict attention and not let our minds turn to mush at the sight of his adorable eyes, or bod, or how great a kisser he is. We have to use our heads. Only then is it safe to use our hearts.
There is a really good book called "Boundaries In Dating" by two psychologists called Steve Arterburn and and John Townsend, (I think)When I read it, I received some excellent insights into exactly what I was doing that caused guys to act the way they did with me. If you're not comfortable having sex under the conditions he is putting down, by all means don't do it, you'll just regret it later. Things will get better. You're trying to find out what happened, so that's a step in the right direction. I highly recommend the book.
There is a really good book called "Boundaries In Dating" by two psychologists called Steve Arterburn and and John Townsend
Hi, Is there one for relathionships too, or is this fine for that too?
I feel like I have been through rounds in a boxing ring. Its shattered me in so many ways, to realise he didnt love me the person at all. Just what I would or wouldnt do sexually and in a way it must be his way only.
Also what saddens me really is just how much he loved me, and now for the rest of my life I have to life with the knowledge that he could break up with me on my birthday, and each year I will remember that on my birthday. When he totally didnt have to do that at all, it wasnt malicious I know it, just self centered and thoughtless. And that was the man who I was deeply in love with. #Sigh#
I am so badly stucl because I felt my future years would be with him, and the abruptness of how he went and left me.
Last edited by sunflower888; 05-03-2010 at 12:21 AM..
Hi, Is there one for relathionships too, or is this fine for that too?
I feel like I have been through rounds in a boxing ring. Its shattered me in so many ways, to realise he didnt love me the person at all. Just what I would or wouldnt do sexually and in a way it must be his way only.
Also what saddens me really is just how much he loved me, and now for the rest of my life I have to life with the knowledge that he could break up with me on my birthday, and each year I will remember that on my birthday. When he totally didnt have to do that at all, it wasnt malicious I know it, just self centered and thoughtless. And that was the man who I was deeply in love with. #Sigh#
I am so badly stucl because I felt my future years would be with him, and the abruptness of how he went and left me.
Well Boundaries In Dating covers the dating stage and the relationship stage. What I like about the book is that it is fair and balanced. There is a chapter in there that will show you how to "salvage" a salvageable relationship and then there are some questions to answer to help you determine if that should even happen. While you're going through this stay close to your family and friends.They love you and are looking out for your best interests. That can help you heal. Again, so sorry this happened.
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