How can you tell if you were used? - I NEED ADVICE.... (movies, boyfriend)
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I'm new to these forums.... I need some advice, can anyone help....
I was seeing a guy, and deeply in love with him. He said he wanted to do some more sexual things, than the type I really wanted to do. He asked it on my birthday and when I said no, then at the end of the day broke up with me on my birthday apparently due to that. He said we would be friends either way, and I met up with him one time after, but then after he said it was too hard for him to be in contact with him. Now I am treated like I dont exist. Though I got a Christmas card from him, but nothing for my birthday in February, not even a text. It makes me wonder if that whole time I was just used.
And yes, I realise now I gave too much of myself without seeing and safeguarding the sitaution in full before I did. I feel awful now, and just dont know what was true or not.
Does anyone have advice on how you can tell? As I have no peace of mind.
Thanks
Ugh, that sucks....Well, although I don't necessarily think you were used, I still think that he was in it for sex and once he didn't find you kinky enough, he moved on.
You will feel sadness until someone better comes along. Concentrate on yourself right now, get some TLC from things and people you love.
Yes cloakroom, closet both.... he never really said more than that.
Public one.
I accept we all have our sexual preferences, just would like to be like adults and two people have a discussion of what the other really wants and then see how they match. To just leave and not clarify is really poor, and caused me more trauma than I needed to be put through.
We did sleep together, but it was at that point when he asked me to do some other stuff that I didnt really want to. So I said no, and duly got dumped for it. Forgot to say, he told me I needed to grow up too. I know I am not so sexually experienced as him you see. We had strong sexual chemistry, sparks, attraction together, or so I thought!
He meant a lot to me, I thought he was "the one", he was a bit older to me still. I've just not come across this type before, and it's the one I fell for the most, and yes I loved him more, so love was blinding me too.
Inconsiderate piece of s**t.
One day you will look back and sigh with relief that you spared yourself from this jerk.
Yes cloakroom, closet both.... he never really said more than that.
Public one.
I accept we all have our sexual preferences, just would like to be like adults and two people have a discussion of what the other really wants and then see how they match. To just leave and not clarify is really poor, and caused me more trauma than I needed to be put through.
Don't be duped by today's phony notion of "closure" and other new age mumbo-jumbo. When it's over, sometimes you don't get a neat explanation. Sometimes "I don't want to be with you anymore, good bye" is all you get. Frankly its all you need.
The real reason probably isn't "sex in a cloakroom" anyway... the real reason would probably hurt your feelings more than the cloakroom excuse, to be honest.
hmmmm. i just can't see a guy leaving a healthy, loving relationship over one cloakroom hesitation. (in fact, just the idea that you were considering it I find mildly arousing -- but then I no longer get out enough.)
ok ok .....I was wondering who'd finally ask..... well it wasnt a sex act as such, but just he asked me would I want to have sex in a cloakroom.
Not horrendous, like with another guy or something. Just not my thing exactly!
Wow....my imagination was all over the place! Here I was thinking it involved another woman...man...video equipment...batteries w/n*pple clamps but sex in a cloakroom?? Surely the two of you could have reached a compromise on that one.
I don't think it was the real reason he broke up with you. Perhaps you overlooked signs of him being over it a while ago. Seems while you were deeply in love, he was exiting stage left.
Well to be honest, I like to please my guy as much as I could, so of course I would consider if he asked me something, but this was just out of the blue.
The only clue or chat about it before was being given a book on fantasies, it was a present, I missed the real debate there. Just really wished he has talked it through before just deciding or assuming; so silly to have thrown something away like that.
That's what I am finding sad and hard to deal with, as he then refused to even talk it through.
I accept people may want different things, but please be sure that's the case before you walk out or throw a possible future together away, and let someone down gently if that's possible, and communication while it may be awkward is helpful.
One day I'll probably bump into him and either find out it was an entirely different reason or be able to have that conversation. I cant stand when a person makes a decision for two people! Argh!
seeniorita: ha ha, maybe that'll be my next guy.
Thanks to you all, for helping with this silly yet traumatic matter.
He could have broken it off because he was embarrassed. Depending on how you said no, he could think you thought it was some sort of deviant behavior and is now embarrassed that you might tell other common friends. In any case, it was inappropriate for him to ask on your birthday. If anything, it should have been an offer to do something you might want to do.
Well to be honest, I like to please my guy as much as I could, so of course I would consider if he asked me something, but this was just out of the blue.
The only clue or chat about it before was being given a book on fantasies, it was a present, I missed the real debate there. Just really wished he has talked it through before just deciding or assuming; so silly to have thrown something away like that.
That's what I am finding sad and hard to deal with, as he then refused to even talk it through.
I accept people may want different things, but please be sure that's the case before you walk out or throw a possible future together away, and let someone down gently if that's possible, and communication while it may be awkward is helpful.
One day I'll probably bump into him and either find out it was an entirely different reason or be able to have that conversation. I cant stand when a person makes a decision for two people! Argh!
seeniorita: ha ha, maybe that'll be my next guy.
Thanks to you all, for helping with this silly yet traumatic matter.
Good luck to you sunflower....it's never silly when your heart has been broken. I hope you find someone who treats you as you deserve.
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-- but then I no longer get out enough.)
but sex in a cloakroom?? 
