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So, if she's what he wants, why does he need porn? Answer: He wouldn't. She's not what he wants. He settled for her becuase she's what he could get but he hangs on to porn because he can, at least, look at what he really wants. In this case, he's even denying her sex. He prefers porn to her, as sad as that may be. It would be more honest to just admit she's not what he wants.
If my husband got into porn, I'd be out of here. When he gets to the point he needs other women to turn him on, there's no need for me to stay. I might give him another chance if he agreed to ditch the porn but if I found out he was lying about it, we'd, probably, be done. I'd go to counseling just in case it was an addiction he wanted to work on but if it didn't get fixed, I would not stay. There's really no point in staying with a man who settled for marrying you but hangs on to looking at images of the women he really wants. And besides, you don't window shop unless you're planning to buy. I wouldn't be able to trust him.
So, if she's what he wants, why does he need porn? Answer: He wouldn't. She's not what he wants. He settled for her becuase she's what he could get but he hangs on to porn because he can, at least, look at what he really wants. In this case, he's even denying her sex. He prefers porn to her, as sad as that may be. It would be more honest to just admit she's not what he wants.
Ivorytickler, I really don't believe in a healthy marriage, viewing porn equates to no longer wanting your spouse. Similarly, I don't think a woman reading romance novels or erotica means that she no longer wants her husband or a man looking at Playboy means he no longer wants his wife. If that were the case, a majority of marriages would be in jeopardy, IMO.
Her relationship is not healthy, I agree. If he would be satisfying her needs, she may not be so upset about the porn. If he wouldn't be lying to her, she would trust him.
Ivorytickler, I really don't believe in a healthy marriage, viewing porn equates to no longer wanting your spouse. Similarly, I don't think a woman reading romance novels or erotica means that she no longer wants her husband or a man looking at Playboy means he no longer wants his wife. If that were the case, a majority of marriages would be in jeopardy, IMO.
Her relationship is not healthy, I agree. If he would be satisfying her needs, she may not be so upset about the porn. If he wouldn't be lying to her, she would trust him.
Porn and romance novels don't fit in the same category. One is using images of real women that the wife is, constantly, compared to and found lacking (he'd quit looking at them if she weren't found lacking), the other is just fantasy like science fiction. I don't read erotic/romantic novels. I read science fiction. That's my escape. My break from reality. Kind of like going to the movies or taking a mini vacation. If my husband needs a break from me via porn, we're in trouble. An erotic novel is better compared to a soap opera than porn (so are some science fiction novels ). Women who read those novels aren't, necessarily, using them as a replacement for their husbands and they aren't, necessarily, envisioning themselves as the heroine. They may just be enjoying a story.
I have a theory as to why sex shows up in literature so much. I think it's just a big part of our lives so it gets written about but that doesn't mean I'm fantasizing about having sex with someone else while reading a science fiction novel. I just finished reading Destiny's Road (I was so happy to find there was actually a Niven book I hadn't read just before my last vacation ) and there's a lot of sex in the book but it was just part of the story line. Porn is not the same thing. Porn is images of sex just to look at images of sex. The point of porn is sex. The point of the book was to get into the lives of the people and sex is part of life.
Porn and romance novels don't fit in the same category. One is using images of real women that the wife is, constantly, compared to and found lacking (he'd quit looking at them if she weren't found lacking), the other is just fantasy like science fiction. I don't read erotic/romantic novels. I read science fiction. That's my escape. My break from reality. Kind of like going to the movies or taking a mini vacation. If my husband needs a break from me via porn, we're in trouble. An erotic novel is better compared to a soap opera than porn (so are some science fiction novels )
Well you must not have read some of the erotic novels I have They are no soap opera, believe me. (If you want some names, i'd be happy to recommend some to you)
I respect your feelings and if you and your husband have an understanding, then more power to you I don't judge.
However, IMO, porn is acceptable provided it does not replace or affect your spouse. I don't know if my husband watches it without me and if he does how often, but I wouldn't flip out if I were to find out (unless I found it obsessive or beyond deviant). We have also watched some together on occasion and it only served as a means to spice things up. My husband never lets me feels that I am lacking and actually, I think my "freak" makes him happy because he knows it is reserved soley for him.
OP, I hate to say it, but sounds like your husband is no longer sexually stimulated by you. He doesn't want you around while he is watching porn because it will kill his arousal. Watching porn is one thing, but seems like he is using it to get off, instead of coming to you.
I don't know what to say...counseling may help.
I think he is looking for variety and finding it on the internet.
On the brighter note, the likelihood that he is actually cheating with real women on you is slim.
But....the OP feels like it is replacing her, so there is a problem see?
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). Women who read those novels aren't, necessarily, using them as a replacement for their husbands and they aren't, necessarily, envisioning themselves as the heroine. They may just be enjoying a story. 
) and there's a lot of sex in the book but it was just part of the story line. Porn is not the same thing. Porn is images of sex just to look at images of sex. The point of porn is sex. The point of the book was to get into the lives of the people and sex is part of life.
