Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
this thread may open some eyes.................hey dudes are you listening???
I sure am....... ears pinned back!! I learned a lot about women, and their feelings many years ago. Way back in the 70s, I bought a book called 'Bitching.' Wow...... what an eyeopener for a young guy as I was then!
The book was just interviews with females from childhood to old age, on how they felt about males. The little girls thought boys were 'neat.' Then as the interviewees got older, there was a subtle change..... for the worse.
The one I remember well was an old lady talking about her ill health, and her husband's response to it. She said to him one day, "the arthritis in my hands is real bad today...... I don't think I'll be able to make dinner." Her husband responded, "that's ok........ just make me a sandwich."........
The bitterest of all were the widows. Some had nothing but hate for their dead husband, and a sense of relief he was gone. One said at the funeral, she was being consoled by friends. On hearing "he was a good man" she said, she had to bite her tongue, as she wanted to say, "you didn't know him like I did."
The book was quite shocking for it's time, and every man should read it........ he'll see himself in there somewhere.
As women, we try to make the best of a bad situation. Sometimes, marriages turn out that way. We know if we make the wrong decisions, they can sometimes back fire against us and the children. So...we stay.
And we end up losing ourselves in the bitterness.
I am 53. I was married to my first husband for 23 years. I stayed because we had 3 children. It was better to stay and the kids have what I thought was a stable home life. And my not having to track him down for child support.
He didn't exactly make things easy for me to seek a divorce anyway. Just do a search on "Gas lighting".
Anyway...I know not all men are like that. There are some very good men out there. I still waited 10 years before trying again. I wasn't in any hurry to end up as another Mrs. And I dodged several bullets while single out there in Kansas.
This thread kind of confirms one of my fears. Our plan is to move south to a new area at retirement. My wife is a few years older and I am in better health. If she were to die I was concerned about finding someone in a small town at an older age. I don't want to die alone and I'm kind of use to having someone around to watch and discuss movies, tv shows etc. I'd be terribly lonely on my own for the rest of my life.
But by the sounds of it that may be a very real possibility.
It sounds like you are equating not being lonely with being married. Why can't you have lots of friends around to discuss movies and thing with? Its ok if thats not enough, I'm just saying, there are other ways to not be alone.
Personally I think that if you end up in a situation where you need/want a new relationship (and are a man) you will find one if you are at all reasonable about your expectations.
My 91 year old mother used to tell me that if she had been born a man, she would not have gotten married right away.
She would have continued with her schooling, traveled, had a good time and then gotten hitched.
Not that she didn't have an interesting life anyway. She likes to tell us that she had several "boyfriends" during the war and whoever came home first and went right to her house, would be the lucky one to marry her! LOL. That was my dad.
They made it to 50 years before he died of cancer.
My 91 year old mother used to tell me that if she had been born a man, she would not have gotten married right away.
She would have continued with her schooling, traveled, had a good time and then gotten hitched.
Not that she didn't have an interesting life anyway. She likes to tell us that she had several "boyfriends" during the war and whoever came home first and went right to her house, would be the lucky one to marry her! LOL. That was my dad.
They made it to 50 years before he died of cancer.
That is a cute story! GO, DAD!
The dynamics between men and women have certainly changed as women have been ALLOWED and then encouraged to become much more independent and self sufficient.
I like men, and enjoy their company but I doubt very seriously that I'd ever marry again - or give anyone that level of access into my life - if my husband passes away before me. My life is so full of interesting people and things, and I've learned over the years not to be intimidated by being alone. I've learned that I have what it takes to make it financially and emotionally. I love my husband and enjoy his company IMMENSELY but I'm not sure I could replicate our relationship and this isn't my first rodeo - I was married and divorced and dated a lot of men prior to finding the good man I'm married to now. What a rough ride all that was. Not sure I've got it in me to ever go through all that again.
The dynamics between men and women have certainly changed as women have been ALLOWED and then encouraged to become much more independent and self sufficient.
I like men, and enjoy their company but I doubt very seriously that I'd ever marry again - or give anyone that level of access into my life - if my husband passes away before me. My life is so full of interesting people and things, and I've learned over the years not to be intimidated by being alone. I've learned that I have what it takes to make it financially and emotionally. I love my husband and enjoy his company IMMENSELY but I'm not sure I could replicate our relationship and this isn't my first rodeo - I was married and divorced and dated a lot of men prior to finding the good man I'm married to now. What a rough ride all that was. Not sure I've got it in me to ever go through all that again.
KathrynAragon, I get you. I've been married 25 years I think it is ... anyway we had friends come and go though our life. He and I also have our separate friends. So many people give up their own friends and that's not smart. One of my friends is me. I like my friends AND I like my own company. Some people just don't get to that point. A friend of mine was like that. To her, to be alone was a prison, not good. I would think if she should become single she would wear a sign of desperation on her forehead, also not good.
KathrynAragon, I get you. I've been married 25 years I think it is ... anyway we had friends come and go though our life. He and I also have our separate friends. So many people give up their own friends and that's not smart. One of my friends is me. I like my friends AND I like my own company. Some people just don't get to that point. A friend of mine was like that. To be alone was a prison, not good.
You nailed it!
I'm not saying I would NOT get involved romantically with someone else if my husband passed away. What I'm saying is that I probably wouldn't seek out such a relationship, and I'd definitely be hesitant about "diving in." LOL
I'm not saying I would NOT get involved romantically with someone else if my husband passed away. What I'm saying is that I probably wouldn't seek out such a relationship, and I'd definitely be hesitant about "diving in." LOL
That's part of the reason why I think I ended to marrying a good man, (I didn't say perfect lol but good). While my girlfriends wanted to get married and have kids right away, I wanted other things in life, being a betty crocker, molly maid, florence nightingale and caregiver wasn't my idea of a good life. I was told that I marched to the tune of a different drummer which I did for the time. A man was not a mission like some girls.
what is scary is a cougar for me would have to be like 80
Well, age is "nothing but a number."
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
