In Retirement, Does Being Alone bother you? (friends, years, marry)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I'm still working, in a demanding position. DH is retired, but for the several hours a week he spends on a business we still own back in our previous state of residence. I crave alone time and never get any of it when DH is around. I love it when he goes out of town to check on the business or visit his family. I get time to relax and do . . . whatever . . . without having to talk about it, negotiate it, plan when we're going to do it,defend/support it, talk about what it reminds me of, or listen again to a story from 197x that he's reminded of whenever we do . . . whatever.
I didn't marry until I was 36, so I had a good run as a grown single person with a house and a career. Being uncoupled wouldn't necessarily bother or scare me. But I'd really have to work again at developing a circle of friends. I still have many of my close friends from 15-20 years ago, but geography is now a factor. And since marrying, DH and I haven't really developed new friendships.
My wife went off to California for a week to attend a wedding "shower".
So I'm left alone with the dogs. Dogs, like me, are simple creatures, we get along just fine.
But it sure is quiet around here.
I miss conversation and doing things with her. I find it tedious to cook just for myself. It also makes me think of what I would do if she dies first. I don't think I would like living alone. But I also don't think I would re-marry.
When you are left alone do you enjoy the solitude or do you really miss your spouse?
Not married, and don't want to be. I thrive on alone time.
I was married for 33 years, and have been alone now for 14 years, aside from my 2 dogs. It can get pretty lonely. I like being around people, but also like the peace and quiet. I think if I could get out or visit with someone every other day or so that would be ideal for me, but lack of income and poor health makes that hard for me to do. I enjoyed being married, but after living alone for so long I wonder if I could do well with someone around all of the time. I guess I'd have to really care a lot for that person, lol!
I like my hubby's company, but I don't mind solitude and enjoy us having our separate interests too. We lost both our elderly dogs this year, so the house is much quieter and if hubby was gone for more than a week, I'd probably get lonely. I take trips without him, mainly to see family or friends. He prefers to stay home. I wonder if he gets lonely when I'm gone?
I just found out a friend of mine (she's 73) is seeing someone for therapy because she is depressed. Her hubby just sits around all the time and she took a part time job just to have something to occupy herself. She hurt her arm and had to quit her job. She visits her grandkids in Florida alone because hubby doesn't want to travel. She wants to move back to Florida, but he wants to stay here. She's so bored and sad. Her best female friend recently got married and doesn't have as much time for her either. I'm going to try and invite her to go out sometimes with me, but that would only be once a week or so. I guess she needs a hobby or something to make more friends.
I feel this way about having lived alone the majority of my life. My friend Barbara loves kids. She loves to be around them and take care of them. She used to take care of her niece's toddler and infant when her niece had to go back to work after they were born.
But she's never wanted any kids of her own because as she says, "When they belong to someone else, you always give 'em back." And she never wanted to keep them.
That's how I feel about people. I like them and like to be around them but at the end of the day, I'm happy to "give 'em back" and go home alone to the cat.
You get used to it; humans can adapt to most anything. Many learn to prefer it!
I think many of us here are pointing out the fact we didn't ever have to get used to it or adapt. We've always preferred it. People are wired differently.
When you are left alone do you enjoy the solitude or do you really miss your spouse?
I embrace the solitude. My spouse of 35 years used to get home after 7pm from work. Last year he started working from home two days a week. When I come home at 2pm and it is the days he is working for home, I am not as relaxed. I just have a need for alone time everyday. I have an overwhelming job in Customer Service, I spend eight hours helping people, I crave alone time. I crave complete silence.
We have dinner every night together--we are all good.
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
34,712 posts, read 58,054,000 times
Reputation: 46182
Quote:
Originally Posted by GiGi603
... embrace the solitude. ....
tho together... we spend a LOT of time apart +/-. Certainly more than 50% apart (farming, workshop, hiking, biking, helping friends (daily) even built homes apart (FAR apart... one of us in Thailand, while the other built a home in TX). Traveling we will sometimes take different flights (last week,,, 34hrs worth of flights separately) due to various reasons (eldercare, siblings, travel part of the leg with friends, other destinations of interest, schedule...). We will drive together in RV to a destination, then one will fly off for a few weeks and the meet at another destination. Or one of us takes off via MC / rental car / train and sees other spots.
We are fine together (even 4 months last yr in a rented camper minivan (that was PLENTY close qtrs).
We are fine apart, we treasure each situation and each other. One day soon (enough) we will be permanently apart (after the next round of spousal care)
Then... we will be apart
Neither of us indicate we would ever consider training a subsequent spouse to put up with us.
There will not be enough time remaining for that!
We are each SO APPRECIATIVE of our freedoms and our splendid times united.
"Lonely" is rare, and we each are cognizant to meet that need / request.
Nice idea to daily take a walk together (striving for that). Seldom eat together, at most one meal / day together AFTER dark (farmer rules... don't burn any daylight taking time out to eat).
I think many of us here are pointing out the fact we didn't ever have to get used to it or adapt. We've always preferred it. People are wired differently.
Granted, but if one is asking the question, one obviously wasn't wired that way (or it wouldn't be a matter of concern)... So I'm merely reassuring the OP that, even if initially strange or unwelcome, one adapts...
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
(that was PLENTY close qtrs)
.
and our splendid times united.
