How to convince my parents I want to quit my job. (husbands, wealthy)
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Actually, as the millennials are at the "I should to work" age multigenerational households are becoming common as the parenting for that generation is showing that these now adult aged people are completely unable to preform in a work environment unless it is able to cater to their lifestyle of playing on phones, internet, etc. with no responsibility for preforming a work related task.
It has never been easy for an 18 year old to make a living wage and live on their own. In the past 18 year olds were willing to work towards improving their lifestyle and started out with room mates, working 2 jobs, putting in overtime, living with minimal household furniture, walking and taking the bus, and eating in and that on cheap food. The current 18-30 year olds want a nice house in a nice neighborhood, with all the furnishings as well as a nice car and good budget for eating out and recreational / entertainment activities. THAT is what the older folks worked most of their lives to achieve.....
...and the millennials can only get all that by living with their parents who worked years to earn it. That way 'their money' goes to the 'fun' part of life and mommie and daddy pay for the basic expenses.
Yeah, we 'wanted' that in the 1980's, too! Doesn't everyone? The parents are enablers. What is the difference between this generation of parents and ours? Oh yeah, ours wouldn't tolerate and .. most importantly of all. .. we, in the 1970's and 1980's, WANTED to move out at 18!!! Do they just want to stay babies and be told what to do nowadays, is that?
And I know someone born in 1984 who is a literally a rocket scientist and got a great paying job straight after graduation, no hell lowpaying jobs ever. Yeah. So go get a very specialized skill and maybe you can earn that right off the bat.
Man all of you **** me off and think I will just live over there with my parents and mooch off of them for the rest of my life. Dang some of you older people here just LOVE to assume so many things. Jesus...
I simply said I want to move back home so I have a place to stay so I can train myself in SAP for a couple of months and be out of there when I get a job.
HEAR ME LOUD AND CLEAR YOU OLD PEOPLE...
I will pay my own rent.
I will pay my own car payment.
I will pay for my own SAP training.
If I go out with friends, I will pay for my own leisure activities.
So yeah...you old farts said enough.
Lol. Um, I think some people who posted said they were 23?
I hope that you find a way to do what you want to do. You can't "convince" your parents to help you. If you truly need their help, write out a thoughtful plan and approach them, in person, with your notes in hand. Explain what you want, what you want from them and then ask nicely. If they refuse, find a way to do it on your own.
THEN - remember this when you're a parent.
I admit that I have been in the "do it yourself" camp for most of my adult life. Most parents I know are there with me. Then, something happened.
I gave birth to an overachiever. I always planned for my kids to pay their own way - through college and life. School of hard knocks, so to speak. Then I came across an article that changed my thinking. It was written by a parent who explained why they were paying their kid's way - and didn't encourage them to get minimum wage jobs at the age of 16 like everyone I grew up with. It explained concepts I didn't fully understand, like the value of unpaid or low pay internships.
So, I have a new deal with my kids - I'll pay their way until they are done with their Masters, including living expenses and student loans, as long as they have a 3.5 GPA or higher and are working toward their goals. Or, they can choose to pay their own way. But what I learned is that to give my son a leg up on the executive track, especially as we do not come from that social class, is going to be expensive and time consuming. BUT if I really want my kids to have better, I will do better, and not just raise them in the lower middle class mindset I was raised in - not that there is anything wrong with my life. But my son wants better, and I want to help him achieve it.
Good luck
My highest GPA was 3.80 last year, and it was totally ignored and unacknowledged. Will you adopt me?
Yeah, we 'wanted' that in the 1980's, too! Doesn't everyone? The parents are enablers. What is the difference between this generation of parents and ours? Oh yeah, ours wouldn't tolerate and .. most importantly of all. .. we, in the 1970's and 1980's, WANTED to move out at 18!!! Do they just want to stay babies and be told what to do nowadays, is that?
And I know someone born in 1984 who is a literally a rocket scientist and got a great paying job straight after graduation, no hell lowpaying jobs ever. Yeah. So go get a very specialized skill and maybe you can earn that right off the bat.
I don't know a single person who moved out at 18 in the late 70s and early 80s. Left for college, yes, and many didn't return to the family home after graduating, but I don't consider going to college "moving out". You experience and opinions are not representative of my world.
We still have one adult son living at home. He's a college graduate, and working. We enjoy his company for the few hours a week he's around, and see no reason to tell him to get out.
sure if they need help... op has a job, he has savigs, he doesnt need help, he is just fed up with his job...
there is a difference between helping and babying someone who doesnt need it
what do you think the country would be like if everyone ran to parents when they got tired of their iob?
Yeah, our grandma (and others) actually told us to 'quit that damn job!' as we worked some incredibly crappy ones in our younger years, but we soldiered on .
Ahhh....good old fashioned "Millennial-bashing," the only acceptable form of age discrimination.
Point out the Baby Boomers' deficiencies? (ie. ruining the country's economy, inflating its housing market to unsustainable levels, straining its resources, causing most of its homelessness and violent crime, and holding back progressive policy for 30+ years?) Well, then it's WAH WAH WAH! AGE DISCRIMINATION!
But those Millennials? Well, they're just a bunch of no-good whippersnappers! Tweetering and Twatting on their I-Books and whatnot!
Let's look at the FACTS relating to the Millennial's high rate of unemployment/underemployment, instead of relying on the tired old mantra of "They're too busy with their dang-nabbity phones to go out and work!":
There are fewer Baby-Boomers in the workforce with college degrees than there are of any other generational group, because most entry-level jobs now require college degrees, but did not thirty+ years ago.
The cost of college in the 1970's was very low as compared with the cost of college today. You could attend a state university then for a few hundred dollars a year. That same education today can cost up to $10,000 a year.
The cost of homes was dramatically lower then, and lending practices were less predatory.
There was no "%1" then; wealth was much, much more evenly distributed between management and labor, and upper management and lower management.
The manufacturing sector that existed then has all but been eroded. The few manufacturing jobs that still exist today often require technical degrees or expensive certifications.
Labor Unions were much stronger then, because the Republican Party had not waged war on them yet.
So yes, it was easier (at least from a strictly economic standpoint) to be 18 years old then, than it is now.
Of all of the people that I keep in contact with from college (I am 27), every one had job experience before entering college. Every one held a job during college. Every one lived with a roommate. Many worked multiple jobs.
And now? Every one of my friends is in a professional track career. Most have bought homes or will soon. A few have gotten married (on their own dime). A few have been promoted, or been able to switch jobs into something higher paying or more advantageous to their long-term career goals. Most have gotten a graduate degree or are pursuing one currently.
The reason that we are buying the homes later and getting professional track jobs later is because of conditions that our parents created or allowed to exist. It has nothing to do with this allegorical "Generational Sloth" straw-man argument.
The reason most of us are getting Masters degrees when members of the generations before us never bothered to is because a.) We need those degrees to access better jobs, and b.) We are more ambitious than you.
We are more adaptable, more resilient, and more in-tune with and accepting of technology and innovation.
Sorry, but the America you designed is quickly changing. Embrace it if you can, but don't knock the generation that is trying to save it and clean up the mess you made, simply because you don't understand that generation, its challenges, its achievements, and its values.
and back in my parent's day, they were getting around 10% interest on their savings, which allowed them, among 50,000 other reasons, to own the multiple homes they now do, while poor us adult children should be 'entitled' to live in and own. Right? Since our interest rates haven't even reached 1% on savings accounts since the last time we had this conversation with fam, around the Thanksgiving dinner table circa 2011. So, were any of these homes that 20-something's now have subsidized by housing down payments from mommy and daddy? Sitting around talking about what the baby boomers did and how much 'easier' they had it financially (as well as the born-in-1940-1943 generation) really isn't changing anything.
I think one psychologist I worked with put it best...with millennials, they want you to give them the raise/accolades/big money/etc AND THEN they will show you how good they are. And they require near-constant feedback/reassurance.
Pretty much every generation before did it the other way around. Let me prove how awesome I am to you, and then I will earn raises/accolades/promotions/respect, etc.
I don't blame millennials. I blame their parents.
I don't think millennials are dumb or narcissistic like many people do. I think they're unprepared to be adults. This translates to problems in college and the workplace.
Studies? There are plenty of studies/surveys to back this up. Just look for them. One of my minors was in History. One thing I know how to do is research. Of course, I didn't have google to help me do it...and I had to walk both ways uphill in the snow to the library.
I like some excerpts from this article...
The big problem is not that they think too highly of themselves. Their bigger challenge is conflict negotiation, and they often are unable to think for themselves. The overinvolvement of helicopter parents prevents children from learning how to grapple with disappointments on their own. If parents are navigating every minor situation for their kids, kids never learn to deal with conflict on their own. Helicopter parenting has caused these kids to crash land.
A 2013 study in the Journal of Child and Family Studies found that college students who experienced helicopter-parenting reported higher levels of depression and use of antidepressant medications. The researchers suggest that intrusive parenting interferes with the development of autonomy and competence. So helicopter parenting leads to increased dependence and decreased ability to complete tasks without parental supervision.
The millennials I work with who are great are engaged, attentive, looking for new opportunities to do something new or solve a problem or anticipate a need. They show up on time, they work hard, and they are polite and respectful. They take correction well in-hand and actually implement changes they are told they need to make. They use their down time at work to BE PRODUCTIVE instead of sucked into their phones.
This is so NOT the norm that it always strikes me as an amazing awesome surprise. Gumption and discipline. I love these guys and I let them know AND reward them financially above their compensation.
The people we hire go through a very competitive program to get to us, so it's not like we're taking random shmoes off the street. Everyone we hire is the top GPA, good recommendations, etc.
And yet these great ones are the exception rather than the rule. That we interview and that wind up slipping through and being hired.
But like I said, this is getting way OT and there are other threads discussing the merits and pitfalls of working with and managing various generations.
Talking on your phone at work or when someone is talking to you is rude. Period. I don't care what 'generation' you are or what mommy and daddy let you get away with. You are expected to be polite, non-arrogant, and unselfish just like everyone else. It is not our job to teach you these basics that should have been taught to you by your parents. That's interesting. The need for constant reassurance would likely come from the helicopter parenting that I think is mentioned here. Will you see helicopter parents for what they are: Often anxiety-ridden, critical people with low self-esteem, and it is not just millenial parents that did this. That is THEIR issue, not the child's. PARENTS, PLEASE!!! Raise your children to not expect praise or accolades from others! What would you do if your parents had told you that the world owes you nothing, and that people don't have to help you? Did your parents ever tell you, repeatedly, that you are not entitled to everything? That is what children born in the 1960's , 1970's and earlier were told. If someone praises your work, it is an 'extra'. You should be secure enough in yourself to know you are doing a great job, and that you are great. This is one of the effects of being 'spoiled', having things done or paid for you. A person has no sense of self as a result, and looks to others for re-assurance. Wake up call: Your parents are not always going to be there. Your job is not always going to be there. You must develop a sense of self outside of your parents, o utside of your parents view of the world! Recognize that it is their view, not yours, and develop a sense of self! Separation is key! Get out on your own and pay for yourselves and develop your own thought processes separate from what you were told about yourself growing up and watch your despair disappear. Btw: I am a gen-xr who had 95% of my friends and associates living at home with mommy and daddy well into their 20's, or until they got married. The same exact thing was going on in the 90's. Guess what? The parents that wanted their kids to leave after age 18 were much less involved in their adult child's lives and tended to have much healthier relationships with them! Parents have to stop this enmeshment and get their own lives!! The difference ? We gen-xr's held the crappy, lowpaying jobs because we were always taught that we had to 'get a foot in the door' somewhere or 'work your way up'. Weren't you told that and, if not, what makes your generation entitled to great jobs and great treatment from every human being when the gen-xr's weren't, and weren't given this? Have any milennials ever thought about that? Because thinking about that would take you out of your self and your own selfish concerns. It's like they're p--ssed off about something ( the mothers working, maybe? yet I know some who had stay-at-home moms and are extremely self-entitled) The complete apathy and de-sensitization that they seem to possess is a reaction to what they grew up around?) and don't have the guts (because of being raised by controlling helicopter parents) to say it straight to the person or thing that they have the issue with, so many of them present as arrogant, sarcastic, moody, rude jerks. BTW: The word 'dude' was said by us in the 1980's as teenagers! Adults using the word 'dude'? This is what comes of being raised to be selfish and self-entitled. Have you ever had a guest stay in your home for just a few days? Try it. You will soon see why it is an inconvenience for people to just move in on you, relative or no, because people have their routines that they are used to. It takes an unselfish person to recognize this and think 'Wow, mom and dad are used to their routine now of being alone. If I were to move in there, that would upset their routine.' No amount of material possessions is going to make you happy, that is why you see people waiting in long lines every Christmas for the newest electronic update, when the one they have is less than a year old and still great! Happiness is in finding joy in things and in giving to others; in being productive and happy! I know a lot of 20-somethings (and younger) who work while in college, but most of them are under the delusion that mommy and daddy's house and possessions and successes are THEIRS,telling me that their parent's house is 'my house', lol! which it is not. A lot of gen-xr's were the same way at that age! At about age 6- those of us who moved out and didn't live at home until we were 27- 30+, that is- learned that it was the parent's house, not our house. Not our room, either. The Gen X'rs that have what they have today because THEIR parents let them have the luxury of living 'at home' rent free can now support their children in the same way.
I don't know a single person who moved out at 18 in the late 70s and early 80s. Left for college, yes, and many didn't return to the family home after graduating, but I don't consider going to college "moving out". You experience and opinions are not representative of my world.
We still have one adult son living at home. He's a college graduate, and working. We enjoy his company for the few hours a week he's around, and see no reason to tell him to get out.
and yours are not representative of our real world. Good for you! Many adult children seem fine with it, who knows why. Most people who work and earn a living want to be living on their own, or married. I can enjoy someone's company for a few hours without them living with me. And now you do know two people that moved out YOUNGER than age 18, and it was the late 80's, not the 70's or early 80's.. although i personally have known many people that moved out in that era by age 18. And who paid for their college, since you talk about college? My people paid for their own.
and yours are not representative of our real world. Good for you! Many adult children seem fine with it, who knows why. Most people who work and earn a living want to be living on their own, or married. I can enjoy someone's company for a few hours without them living with me. And now you do know two people that moved out YOUNGER than age 18, and it was the late 80's, not the 70's or early 80's.. although i personally have known many people that moved out in that era by age 18. And who paid for their college, since you talk about college? My people paid for their own.
My parents helped with college expenses(they had 7 kids), my husband and I paid the way for our 3 to get their undergrad degrees. The eldest paid for his Masters and the youngest is currently working towards his PhD in a fully funded program. They made the most of the opportunities they had, and we don't regret being able to give them that.
Not every kid has the same good fortune, but that's life. It does no good to seethe at those from your generation that haven't shared your struggles. Be proud of what you've done for yourself. My kids aren't slackers because they didn't pay for their schooling, or because they still have rooms available in our home.
They're nice men, who we enjoy having around. I didn't give birth just to wash my hands of them at 18, and the one who still lives here is smart enough to realize he's better off living here and saving money than moving out just because he's of a certain age.
Abso-effin-lutely. There are tons of people my age that have Masters Degrees that don't make that much.
Also, your real COL was much lower in the late 1970's than mine is now. What were your student loan payments?
And, if you read my other posts, you would see that I sort of addressed this.
But thanks for the history lesson
I didn't have student loan payments. In my undergrad days I earned scholarships that paid my tuition and I worked in the summer to earn living expenses. While I worked on my master's degree, I was employed by the university and my pay was free tuition and a stipend.
Yes, the cost of living was lower in the 1970s. But I was earning $7,500 A YEAR. Not a month, a year. I couldn't afford a car until I was 27 and I shared a house with two roommates until I was 30.
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